barn school banter

Summer is Finally Here!

2011-09-28T17:36:00.006+01:00

Finally after such a dismal summer we have some good weather. Good weather always seems to make home education easier, especially for natural sciences.

Although I do pine for those early days of HE where Ram was so eager and excited to get outside. Today he is not only displaying the usual grumpiness of being a teen, but he has the aches and pains and lack of energy of the hypermobility syndrome , so it is much harder to get him outside.

However yesterday our ivy which covers most of one side of our house was in bloom and we had an assortment of various bugs, flies, bees and wasps, not to mention a few butterflies. It was noisy and interesting enough to get him out there. We took some photos so that we could identify the different species later.

Then of course we had to observe the chickens. Sometimes you can get more out of just sitting and observing than you can get out of a text book.

Last night was also the first warm night with a clear sky since we bought the telescope so we managed to see Vega. That was exciting as Vega is the star that Ellie from the film Contact was sent to by the aliens.

We have just finished reading Physics of the Impossible by Michio Kaku and he mentions Contact and Carl Sagan who wrote the book that Contact was based on, so it was a good way of tying in physics, astronomy, and fiction, all in one fell swoop.

Today I suggested that we go out for a walk or a wheel I should say. Ram begrudgingly agreed. I am sure he would much rather stay by the computer but pushing his wheelchair gives me some needed exercise. However once we were out we managed to not only have a look at the ducks in on the village pond (the two females seem to have turned into males!) and a chat with a neighbour, but we also walked down to the old badger set where I hadn't been since I used to walk the dogs there 10 years ago.

Again, watching things on TV or reading them in a book is one thing, but actually seeing a whole set, looking at the different bits of it to see if it is active, and seeing it in the context of the wider countryside is very valuable. Ram suggested that if they wanted to get rid of these badgers all they would have to do is get the Autumn Watch http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/uk/ people out there to film them!

On the way back we saw some sheep and again watched them for a while. We managed to get a couple of the beauties to pose for us which was lucky. They were still a bit flighty as they had only just been put in that field.

So all in all we have had two good days of learning. It might not be as intense as it was when Ram was younger, but at least he is still learning in informal ways.

Minecraft Meets Fibre Craft

2011-09-09T20:24:00.003+01:00

I needed something to do while watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer (complete DVD set, series one to seven as Ram wasn't old enough to watch it when it first came out) and decided to weave a tapestry of a Minecraft Creeper.

Then we realised that it was just the right size to replace the broken fabric on our book chair. I just hope it doesn't blow up our books!

Book rest Creeper: That's a very nice book rest you have there. It would be a shame if anything should happen to it!

Detail of the weaving, done with offcuts of rug wool from a carpet factory, on an old Spear's number 3 loom. All mistakes credited to Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Joss Whedon.

The Code: BBC Does it Again

2011-08-10T10:01:00.002+01:00

I have written before about how the hype surrounding science programmes on the BBC and beyond, are actually putting young people off science, and we have yet another example.

In the weeks before The Code was broadcast the BBC and Marcus Du Sautoy started Tweeting and referring to the website. It sounded fun and intriguing, so I applied for the postcard. It actually arrived while friends, including Ram's best friend, were staying and with a lot of effort I managed to get them interested in decoding the card.

What I couldn't do was get Ram interested. It was hard enough getting the other young people intersted, but Ram was impossible. I would tell him what was being tweeted, tried to show him the photos on the Facebook page, but to no avail. He wasn't just not interested, he actually started getting hostile. Eventually I had to back off a bit.

Never mind, I thought that maybe when the programmes were broadcast he would be more interested.

That was not to be either. I mean, he did watch them, but he refused to look for clues or go to the website and play the games. And I had to endure a high level of sarcastic comments throughout, far more than usual.

Eventually after the second programme, the truth finally came out. “It's the hype. I hate all the hype and it makes me want to have nothing to do with it.”

So there we are. Once again what was meant to get young people like Ram excited about maths and science is actually putting him off. Luckily he is actually watching the programme so hopefully something will be learned, but I am wondering how much longer it will be until he refuses to even watch science programmes on the BBC.

Who Said Computer Games Aren't Educational

2011-05-10T22:18:00.004+01:00

Well, not a home educator, that's for sure! The current fascination is Minecraft.

I was a little dubious at first but another home educator told me it was definitely educational. Apparently it has something called red stone that makes use of logical components such as capacitors and logic gates as used in electronics. That sounded good as Dxh had been teaching Ram about logic gates.

We paid our money and off Ram went. Very quickly I realised that he was going to get a lot more out of it than just game play. Basically, it is a sandbox building game, where you can build a world, eat, sleep and get blown up! In no time he was building amazing castles with great detail. He even made guest bedrooms with chests (containing cake and explosives) for his friends. He has also built a library to die for, complete with three galleried floors, lighting and books.

The Minecraft world is based on cubes, which fascinated Ram, but it also means that he has to have a good understanding of how cubes work, as any other shape you want has to be made up from cubes.

Time management also has a part to play, which is something that doesn't come naturally to Ram. If you are not in a safe place by the time night falls, then bad things can happen!

But the biggest thing is the development of social skills, something that Ram needs a lot of work on. How? He joined up with two other home educated friends, and the Dxh set up a server for them so that they could all play in the same world together. This meant he had to communicate, and the easiest way to do that is via Skype.

My boy, the one who once, a long time ago, attacked someone with a Stanley knife because I was talking on the telephone, has started communicating via phone! Mind you, it isn't a phone call as most of us would recognise. They sit there for hours not talking to each other, and forget to say goodbye! But we are working on it.

The funniest thing though is when the monsters, called creepers, explode. He always uses noise cancelling headphones when on the computer so I can't hear what is going on. The first time he was playing he suddenly jumped a mile. I looked over at him and he had a look of shock on his face. A creeper had snuck up behind him and exploded, startling
him! Because he is so immersed in the world with his headphones on, it was a whole body experience!

There is more to playing a computer game than just the game itself. One lad (not home educated) has even written a song so that allowed us to talk about music. We have discussed architecture, geography (yes, water does flow to the lowest point!) electronics, and how to retrieve a deleted home directory! That actually happened when Ram was installing a mod in the terminal window, and accidentally deleted his home directory. He now knows what cd .. rm -rf means!

Ramism

2011-05-07T23:35:00.003+01:00

As Ram is now bigger than me, I have started wearing his old hoodies that he has grown out of. I hadn't said anything but suddenly today he noticed and said:

"I guess you are wearing a hand me up instead of a hand me down"

More Dyeing with Woad

2011-04-25T19:52:00.006+01:00

While looking for something else, I came across two skeins of wool that were treated and packed away in the aftermath of The Moths and The Move. As I had also spotted some more woad in the garden, and Easter Sunday was such a lovely sunny day, I decided to do some more dyeing.

I did the same basic recipe as I had done two days before But as you can see it has come out slightly different again.

I also tried to get pink again but ended up with a very pale blue. I have no idea why that isn't working, perhaps not enough alum, but too much alum gives the wool a slightly harsh feeling.

It doesn't really matter what colour it comes out as, because we can always use small amounts of different coloured wools to make interesting things. Now all I have to do is find my carders and oil up the spinning wheel!

Dyeing with Woad and Stale Urine

2011-04-25T11:48:00.009+01:00

Our terrible experience with moths last year resulted in having to track down every single bit of wool fibre in the house, and either boiling it, freezing it, treating it with chemicals, throwing it out, or in some cases doing all four. After treatment I had to put all wool in sealed bags with moth killing papers inside. This as you can imagine has put my spinning and weaving on the back burner for now, not just because I am trying to protect what is left, or that I had no time to spin while dealing with the moths, but also because after we had dealt with the moths we had to move out of the house to have the underfloor heating replaced! We had quite a traumatic year last year!

Rather than put everything in storage and live in rented accommodation which would have been very expensive, and we only just had enough money to replace the heating pipes, we decide to hire a portacabin to live in, and a shipping container to put all our belongings in. Ram and I had no problem fitting all that we needed to live for three months in the portacabin. All Ram needs is his computer, the TV and hard disk recorder, and someone to put a bit of food on his plate. A bed is helpful, and that fitted in perfectly to the cabin, but the one thing that it didn't have was a toilet.

Luckily I had an old commode chair that I rescued from someone who was about to take it to the tip, and we had a potty that fitted the hole perfectly. Although we could use the toilets in the house as we had given instructions to the builder and plumber that one toilet had to be working at all times, when it was raining, or at night, or even indeed when the men were working in the bathroom area, it was easier to pee in the potty, and dump it in a bucket outside.

Then came the question, what do we do with a bucket of wee! The first thing that came to mind was the compost bin. Lots of people urinate in their compost heaps, not because they have come back from the pub drunk and their wives won't let them in the house, but because it helps make better compost.

However, we also knew from watching Tony Robinson in The Worst Jobs in History that urine was used in the dye industry. Unfortunately I had foolishly packed away my favourite dyeing book, A Dyer's Manual by Jill Goodwin. Luckily I was able to get hold of her daughter and she told me what we needed to do. It is very similar to the way we did things with the chemical method, but instead of using sodium hydrosulphite we added bran and stale fermented urine to a bucket along with the water containing the woad and washing soda.

We then put the lid on and left it in the sun to ferment. After a few weeks, we decided to check on it and see if it worked:

We aired it that day, and found out just how pungent the smell really was! We had to stuff paper up our noses, and stand up wind. Strangely, the chickens seemed attracted to it though, and every time we opened the bucket they were there trying to stick their heads in! I had to wear my old lab coat and nose plugs as the smell even penetrated clothing.

After the initial few times, we had a spell of very wet and windy weather, and then we had the move back into the house. It bucket got left at the bottom of the garden, as no one really wanted to air the wool again. Eventually I took it out and left it in the rain and sun for a couple of weeks until the smell subsided enough that I could bring it inside to wash it properly. Although it started out being quite blue, because it got soaked for a long time in the bucket without airing it, it lost its colour.

The results were spectacular, not in colour, but as a learning experience, it is one that no one will forget in a hurry!

Dyeing with Woad

2011-04-25T09:47:00.009+01:00

Natural dyeing was something that came out of combining my interest in spinning and weaving and home education. There is nothing like a little magical dyeing to teach chemistry!

I have been growing woad for several years now. It is classed as an invasive weed in some countries, and I was hoping that it would give that other invasive weed in my garden, stinging nettles, a run for its money, but so far it hasn't worked; we still have far more stinging nettles than woad, and the dye from stinging nettles is not nearly so spectacular! Woad also has medicinal properties, and our chickens have been self medicating by stripped off the leaves on the woad plants on the patio. Luckily they can't get into the veggie patch where I most of my woad growing.

Woad is a member of the brassica family which includes cabbages and mustard. I haven't dyeing with cabbage, but mustard does give a wonderful yellow. Woad though, when it comes to dyeing, is in a whole different class.

Ok, here is the science bit! Woad has molecules that absorb light because it has lots of double bonds. This means that some of the the electrons can effectively spread across the whole length of the molecule in a strange quantum mechanical process. The significance of this is that if the incoming light (the photon) has a wavelength similar to the length of this double bonded chain then the photon can be absorbed and in the case of woad this is very easy - so pretty well every photon of red light hitting the molecule is absorbed giving you the intense blue colour.

Unfortunately the woad molecule is a lousy dye in itself because it is not very soluble. However, if you raise the pH and either give it a reducing agent, or alternatively raise the pH and let some bacteria at it, then the molecule can be reduced - electrons are added to it - and it loses its colour and becomes very soluble at the same time. The reason it loses its colour is essentially that the double bond in the middle is broken and this means the molecule has two much smaller regions of double bonds - this means that only ultraviolet photons now match the length and the absorption shifts away into that part of the spectrum. This reduced form is a white form of woad. It is the perfect dye precursor because you can easily saturate your cloth with this material as it's so soluble, and when it's exposed to air and dries out, the oxygen in the air plucks off the electrons, oxidizing it back to the blue form. Since this is not soluble in water, the indigo is now entombed in the fabric, and unlike many natural dyes, it is “permanent”.

Now, to the practical bit. We used the reducing agent way this time. Last year we tried the bacteria method by using stale urine, but we didn't fancy doing that again. However, I will post up that story another day!

We picked the leaves, tore the ones the chickens didn't eat into shreds, and poured on boiling water (woad is temperature sensitive and you don't get good results if the temperature gets too high) to scald the leaves. We let that sit for a while, then strained the liquid and squeezed out all the juice. We added washing soda (alters the pH) and with an rotary hand wisk set about beating the water until it no longer had blue bubbles.

The temperature is supposed to be about 50 degrees Celsius and because it was a hot day we barely had to reheat it before adding some sodium hydrosulphite (the reducing agent) and leaving it to sit for a while. This resulted in a yellowish green clear liquid.

We then added the wetted wool (I haven't got round to spinning it yet so it was in the form of raw fleece) trying not to disturb the dye too much, let it sit for a while longer, and then the magic began!

After washing the wool, we set it out to dry, and I embarked on a second batch (I don't have pans big enough to do it all at once), and then decided to try to revitalise the vat, but in a way that is supposed to give a pink. I thought it was by raising the temperature, but while I had the pan on the heat I reread the book and it was not temperature but alum, a common mordant used in dyeing, that had to be added! So with a quick dig in the larder, alum was added and the result is the batch on the right:

It looks grey when on its own, but beside the blue of the woad it does have a pink tinge. But then this is the excitment of natural dyeing, you never know how things are going to turn out!

This page on woad has more details on how to dye with woad as well as how to grow it.

I found some spun fleece on Easter Sunday, and some more woad in the garden that the chickens didn't get, so I will post up some more photos of that later.

Ramism

2011-04-22T15:45:00.003+01:00

Collective Nouns:

An enquiry of scientists
A wow of cosmologists
A spurious of string theorists (he used to like string theory, but now he would rather make fun of them!)
A collision of particle physicists
A test tube of chemists
A geek of Spring Watch presenters

And finally:

A million billion of Brian Coxes!

Woad-es Me!

2011-04-20T22:47:00.000+01:00

I have been complaining that I haven't been able to get out in the sun very much in these last few days. I can't stray too far until Ram wakes up, which has been at 11 o'clock recently, and then by the time I have read aloud to him for an hour or more, fed both of us and do a few chores, it is about 2. We have managed a few minutes outside, but usually he wants to go back inside and for the last couple of days we have been catching up on recorded TV.

Someone asked if I couldn't just leave him to watch on his own and go out into the veggie patch on my own. There are two problems with this.

First of all, I like to watch these programmes together so that we can discuss them afterwards. Purposive conversation is a very powerful tool for home educators. I also like to watch many of these programmes too, especially the science ones. We very rarely watch drama.

Secondly, Ram like to be around someone. He doesn't have to be interacting with them, in fact often we sit at our computers not speaking a word to each other, but he does like to have someone close by. Luckily in an open plan house that isn't too hard as I can be 'in the kitchen' while he is 'in the sitting room'.

But today I wanted to pick the woad for the annual woad dye. Ram was playing Minecraft and was happy to stay inside, so I took my bucket down to the bottom of the garden followed by the chickens. Five minutes later there was Ram, wondering down the garden looking for me!

It worked out well with him chatting and keeping the chickens out of the beds with plants in them, while I stripped the leaves off the woad.

So he proved my theory. He does need to be close to me. But I also managed to get outside in the sun, so I guess that is a win win situation!

More on our woad dyeing another day. I still have one batch in the pot!

What is the Point of Choose and Book?

2011-04-19T14:22:00.002+01:00

Ram was getting dizzy, not just when standing up, but when laughing hard. That is something that happens a lot in our family as Ram wants to be a stand up comic. He was also very tired all the time, and as this was beyond what we would expect from hypermobility syndrome, we decided to go to the GP.

This was to be the first time in 10 years for Ram! He just isn't ill very often, and when he is, he gets better very quickly. This could of course be because he has less stress on his body due to being in an environment that suits him. It was also the first time with this GP as our beloved GP who saw Ram into the world had retired.

It didn't start well, with Dr W implying that there was a problem that Ram hasn't seen anyone for 10 years, then he quickly corrected himself by saying that he was glad that he was really healthy! I then outlined what we were there for. But before I could really get going on that Dr W started talking about how Ram didn't have a formal diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome. I pointed out that we didn't really see the need for one but he was insistent. I expressed surprise as the experience of most people at the moment is that they can't get a diagnosis at all, and some are even having them taken away from them.

He then moved onto the school question. Ram launched into how schools couldn't meet his needs and they couldn't cope with his meltdowns. I giggled a bit and stopped Ram, and suggested that he really should have started by explaining that he was home educated! Dr W laughed and said that yes, that was what he had been expecting, and was getting worried that Ram hadn't mentioned home education!

So I thought that maybe we were going to be ok with Dr W, but no, he then went on for the next 10 minutes saying things like we don't need to home educate anymore because schools are now so good, that with a diagnosis of Asperger's he would get more support and social contact, and would be able to do exams and so on. I countered that with examples of current social contact, how to do exams if you are home educated, and my experiences of others whose children were in school. He wasn't listening, so finally I had to pull rank: I explained that I moderated an email list for home educating parents, and was a former trustee of the largest home education charity in the country. He finally conceded that I knew more about home education than he did. But it shouldn't be this hard!

He finally agreed to blood tests to rule our various things such as anemia. We went back to discuss the results and he said the good news was they were all normal. He then started talking about getting a diagnosis of Asperger's again! I stopped him there, and explained that we were not ruling out getting a formal diagnosis one day, but at the moment we would like to find out what is affecting Ram, especially to rule out Marfan. Eventually we got him to agree to refer us to a paeditrician. But Asperger's kept popping up.

The Dxh and I decided to write a letter just to make sure that he understood that it was most urgent to rule out Marfan Syndrome. When Dr W rang back a week later to discuss the booking I though we had made a break through. We discussed things and he did a Choose and Book there and then. I got the letter though a couple weeks later. Then a week after that I got a second one saying that it was cancelled! No explanation!

So I rang, and it turned out that Dr A, the one that our GP had carefully chosen for us, had decided that he didn't want to see us and referred us to Dr B! Dr B's speciality is neurodisability. I started to get worried that Dr W had gone against his word and referred us for an ASD diagnosis after all! A week later I get another call from Dr C's secretary asking what school Ram went to. I explained but before she rang off I asked who Dr C was! It seems that we had been passed on again, so I stressed that we wanted to rule out Marfan, and needed someone in rheumatology, not neurodisability! So what is the point of Choose and Book if the consultants ignore the GP's choice?

It seems that Dr B specialises in epilepsy, but we will be seen by one of his team, Dr C. who doesn't seem to have a speciality at all, and certainly isn't listed as rheumatology.

So it looks like we will just have to wait and see. I just hope that we don't have to spend the first 75% of the appointment telling them all about home education!

Hypermobility Syndrome

2011-04-18T11:47:00.001+01:00

When Ram was younger he used to hate shopping and as soon as we got into a shop he would lay down on the floor. I always thought it was to do with the autistic side of things, but eventually we realised that there was more to it than that. When he was nine we consulted with a physiotherapist and found out that Ram had hypermobility syndrome which is a condition where the joints are more lax, causing pain and fatigue.

That is when we started using a buggy which turned out to be a life saver is so many ways. Many health professionals don't like children in wheelchairs or buggies as to them it 'makes' them disabled, but our experience was far from that. It gave us a new freedom as it meant that we could go further and faster, knowing that at any time Ram could rest comfortably. It also addressed his autistic side as it meant with the sun shade down no one would talk to him!

However, once puberty hit his hypermobility became worse, something that we had heard about. As the tendons in the joints are weaker than normal, the muscles have to work harder to keep things in place, which can lead to tiredness, especially after a day of activity. The idea is that people should pace themselves, but try telling that to a boy!

Basically, Ram's feet don't just hurt when he is walking but even just standing cleaning his teeth. Various joints feel like they will sublux if he is not careful, and any amount of activity will have him exhausted for a few days afterwards. This means that we have to space activities, so if the Dxh comes on Saturday, we have to keep Sunday and preferably Monday too clear to rest. And two days are needed after a home ed robotics meeting, even though now that they are teens they spend most of the time 'loitering without tent'. You know, the opposite of loitering with intent.

We had got used to this, and took it all in our stride. He does have exercises which are very hard to get him to do because of his oppositional side, but we were coping. However, in the last six months it had got a lot worse. He was feeling dizzy not just when standing up quickly, but when laughing, something we do a lot around here. He was also showing extreme fatigue. Some days hardly being able to walk. In fact after one robotics outing to the regional heats of The Big Bang Fair when he got home he had to crawl from the sofa to the kitchen to eat dinner!

So we finally bit the bullet and went to see the GP. First time in 10 years! But I will save that story for tomorrow.

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

2011-04-13T23:22:00.002+01:00

Like many people with SEN or disabled children, when they reach a milestone or learn something new, it is a time for celebration. Sometimes it is the smallest thing, something that others will take for granted because their children will have mastered this long ago, that gets us excited. But then sometimes when you think about it, you realise that in the grand scheme of things maybe it isn't so good after all!

Normally when the dxh comes on Saturdays he brings the papers for us as we don't have any home delivery or shops here. Last week the dxh couldn't come up on Saturday so I told Ram that we would have to drive to the next village and get the papers ourselves. At the last minute Ram decided he didn't want to come and stayed home on his own! This is a big thing for him, as normally he doesn't even like me going next door, let alone to the next village.

Then the following week we had to do the same, only by the time Ram had got up they had sold out of The Telegraph. So I suggested that next time I go while he is still asleep and he agreed.

I was amazed and so pleased! Finally at age 14 he is comfortable with staying alone for short periods of time! But then I thought about it, and realised the down side. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. By staying home when I go out to get the papers, it will mean that there is one more time when he isn't getting outside the house and seeing other people.

Then today we went to town to get our monthly rations of gammon (the only meat that Ram will eat. Well, you didn't think he would eat lamb did you?) I gave him the option of staying in the car which he has previously refused to do, but this time he decided to stay on his own in the car! Result! My boy is growing up!

But wait. Yes, this also means that yet again he is not getting out and interacting with other people. We now have almost all food and other things delivered to the house, and there is no other reason for him to go out except the home education group once a week.

So one step forward, he is happy to stay by himself for short peroids of time, but two steps back, he has also managed to isolate himself from people even more.

Oh well, he has said that when he grows up he wants to be a hermit!

Justice

2011-04-12T09:10:00.003+01:00

We had a catch up TV day yesterday. We find that all the really good educational stuff is on at the same time, and end up recording half of it. Our hard disk recorder is usually full! The advantage of this though is that we often watch entire series in one or two goes, which makes for better continuity.

One thing we have been following is the BBC4 Justice Season

We started watching Justice with Professor Michael Sandel who presented a series of lectures from his Harvard undergraduate course in Political Philosophy. In it Sandel Sandel tests the philosophies of Bentham, Kant and Aristotle against contemporary problems. We really enjoyed watching this as it asked hard questions to which sometimes there are no right answers. I think it is good for 14 year olds to find out that in life not only are there sometimes no right answers, but sometimes people can wildly disagree with each other. I wish there were more programmes on TV of this calibre.

From there we watched some of the other programmes in the series. Yesterday we finished watching one about the programme Rough Justice as well as watching two programmes on Crime and Punishment: The Story of Capital Punishment and The Story of Corporal Punishment. (only 18 hours left to watch on iPlayer!)

This was quite thought provoking for Ram, as he has gown up totally in a society that is against corporal punishment so it has allowed him to realise how we got to where we were today, and how different it was in the previous generations. It was also interesting to see how much of certain cases I remembered, and how fallible my own memory is. I totally fluffed the Guilford 4 Renault 5 joke! I just couldn't remember the punch line!

We also watched most of the debate that Sandel chaired, Justice:Fairness and the Big Society. One of the advantages of watching the recording of it rather than watching live is that we can pause and have our own debate.

Serendipitously this actually ties in with the book we are reading at the moment. Easeful Death – Is there a case for assisted dying, by Mary Warnock and Elisabeth Macdonald. It starts out by explaining the main ethical, medial and legal arguments for and against a change in the law covering assisted suicide and euthanasia. Ram now has a really good understanding of Kant and Bentham, and how it relates to modern moral dilemmas. This is something that we had already had a look at after watching Terry Pratchett's lecture on this.

We find one of the great advantages of home education is that we can come at the same subject from several different sides, and see how it all ties in with life, society, and our own personals circumstances while at the same time reinforcing what we have already learned. All the while sitting knitting and putting Lego models together!

Saying Goodbye to Lambing Live

2011-04-11T09:02:00.004+01:00

With a nickname like Ram, it will come as no surprise that we have spent an enjoyable week watching Princess Kate and Adam present Lambing Live which finished on Saturday evening. This year they had a new family, the Marstons, from Cumbria.

Sheep farming in Cumbria is different from down in the south. They have different local breeds, and a different way of grazing the sheep. The sheep next door to us are Dorsets crosses, and they are contained within fields, but up on the Marston's Farm they have Swaledales, a local breed, which are hefted to the fells.

When sheep are hefted they stick to their area of the fell, and the ewes show the lambs where that area is so that the knowledge passes from generation to generation. The Marston's can't buy in sheep and introduce them to the hefted flock, it is something they have to be born into.

We had a chat with Glow, the farmer next door, who also enjoyed watching the series, saying that it was like a busman's holiday, but still enjoyable never the less. I don't know how much they learned about sheep breeding in Cumbria, but we certainly learned a lot which will tick several home education boxes; history, economics, biology, current affairs, and geography to name but a few.

There was a lovely piece that they filmed with Rachel Marston who is not just wife to Andrew, daughter-in-law to the woman whose family had owned the farm for 100 years, but also mother to three children. She made it clear that farming is not easy, nor will they ever become rich, but it was obvious that she really enjoyed life on the farm, as did her children, both who want to become farmers themselves. She finished with the hope that her own children will be 'hefted' to the farm.

It was clear that the Martstons work well as an extended family, and spend more time together than most families do, living and working on their isolated farm. Many home educating families spend more time than is usual with their children too, as they spend their days together learning, rather than rushing out to drop the children at school then going on to a full time job outside the home, not to see their loved ones until later in the day. This can lead to a much closer relationship with their children, and it is often noted that home educated children don't go though the teenage rebellion the way many schooled children do.

We many not all have farms handed down from generation to generation like the Marstons have, but I think we all hope our children will be 'hefted' if not to our homes, at least to our hearts.

Dorset cross sheep from the farm next door:

Ramism

2011-04-09T15:08:00.002+01:00

Silence is easier done than said. So is lethargy.

Spring Has Sprung...

2011-04-09T08:56:00.003+01:00

...the grass is grew, and look at all the chicken poo!

Yes, spring is truly here and a lot more springier than April two years ago when we had cold weather and in some areas snow. We may come to regret this warm weather though, as there is so much new growth that will be damaged with a frost. We nearly lost my artichoke to frost this way a few years ago, and it has barely recovered yet.

I don't know why I bother trying to grow vegetables sometimes. Ram doesn't eat them much. His total vegetable and fruit intake is carrots, frozen peas (eaten frozen) apples, and a little sorrel when it is available and the chickens don't get to it first.

In fact he has slowed right down on the food intake front. Last weekend he had his two hambagels for breakfast, (which is consumed at lunch time) and that was it! I offered to get food for him though out the day, but he turned it down. I hadn't really registered that he hadn't eaten anything else so didn't push anything in the evening. It was only when we went to bed that he mentioned that he was colder than usual. The penny dropped!

It can be hard to know what is going on at times like this. Is he feeling poorly? Has he somehow got out of the habit of eating? Is he is pain? One of the difficulties in having multiple disabilities is that they affect each other. I can't find out what level of pain he is in from the hypermobility, because the Asperger's means he has difficulty answering questions, and at times doesn't know himself if he is in pain or not. All I can do is watch and hope I can spot something.

Yesterday Ram was very tired, looked very pale, and hardly ate anything. Maybe today I might find out why!

Update.

2011-03-28T17:26:00.004+01:00

I have realised that in long neglecting the blog, things have moved on somewhat, and I had better bring people up to date.

Ram is now 14, taller than his mum, and speaks in sarcasm like many teens do. Despite this, he is still like many home educated teens and gets on well with his parents.

We are still home educating, and much of what we do is reading aloud and purposive conversation, but this too has matured. Ram has a great interest in physics, so we have been reading a lot of science books, in fact he says there are only two types of books, non-fiction and physics!

One big change is that Arrow our elderly dog finally died. I had always said that she was so stupid that she would realise that she was supposed to die, and would carry on for years, unlike our other dog that was very cleaver and died at age 10 (of a brain tumour). I was right. Despite being a large dog she managed 15 years, the last however I couldn't really say that she was with us. She was deaf, mostly blind, and just wondered around and slept all the time. We knew it was the right time to let her go when she couldn't recognise the Dxh when he arrived, and we had her put to sleep.

There had been much discussion about what to replace her with. It certainly wasn't going to be another dog, as Ram's Hypermobility Syndrome was causing a lot of trouble (there is a subject for another post all on it's own!) making walking dogs impossible. We toyed with the idea of fish, then reptiles or snakes, but in the end after a visit to a friend we decided on chickens.

At the moment we have five lovely girly girls, producing eggs every day for us. Death is something that we have had to get used to a lot more as the original four rescued hens died pretty quickly. We have two themes running for names, architecture and food. We have been though Veranda, Porch, Kentucky, Tikka and now we have Terrace, Patio, Masala, Nugget and Korma.

Bob also has had his cousin come to visit. Fred arrived in the post one day, having been traveling around the world living in post offices. He heard that Cousin Bob had a nice place to live, and decided to visit, and hasn't actually managed to leave again!

Unlike Bob, Fred is laid back with his straw hat, a little hard of thinking, so we have to explain things to him a lot.

That's enough of an update for now!

Professor Jim and Home Education

2011-03-22T23:00:00.001Z

Professor Jim and Home Education

We had seen a lot of Professor Jim Al-Khalili in the last week or two, and will be seeing more of him in June at the Cheltenham Science Festival http://www.cheltenhamfestivals.com/science We also watched him give evidence to the Science and Technology Select Committee http://tinyurl.com/458ls55 as well as watching the excellent Everything and Nothing (BBC 4).

One of the things that Jim and others such as Professor Brian Cox seem to be concerned about is getting young people more interested in science. There seems to be a bit of a problem though, as the young people giving evidence to the Select Committee didn't seem to think much of the programmes or personalities involved with science in the media.

Ram is getting like that too. He heaved a sign one night after Horizon and said that he guess he would just have to get used to being bored for the rest of his life!

The young people were clear that one of the big turn offs for science is GCSE physics. Of course this is one of the many reasons why people like us home educate. In particular, I asked the question how would the school meet the needs of a bright child that can out think many in particle physics, but at the same time has learning difficulties.

By home educating we can meet the child where they are, and they don't have to sit bored by school science. Right now we have a few books on the go, such as Richard Feynman's University Lectures, and a PhD on acoustic microscopy and superconductors (I used to feel hard done by because I was the only one not married to a PhD but now I am glad of my friends!) Ram says that there are only two types of books; physics and non-fiction!

The internet has also helped with home education. After reading a book on superconductors we emailed the professor that wrote and asked for suggestions on further books (he couldn't really come up with any, apparently superconductors are for the post grads only) and we have found PhD papers from the likes of Brian amongst others, as well as Jim's lecture notes for his first year class. Thanks Jim!

Without the internet and the generosity of our university professors, physics would be a lot harder for home educators!

Wonders of Our Universe

2011-03-21T10:35:00.008Z

You don't have to be a professor named Brian Cox to talk about the wonders of our universe. Wonders of the Universe His universe may be quite large thanks to the BBC travel budget, but most of us have to settle for something a little more modest and closer to home.

Petrol like helium is constantly going up, which may well be good for the environment as we think twice about hopping in the car to travel around. And public transport was never frequent in our part of the woods, although twice a week would have qualified it to be regular. However, there are 'things to do' on our own doorstep.

Spring is one of the best times of the year to get out walking. The sun is not yet strong enough to burn or over heat us which makes it idea weather for walking and there is so much to see. There are the spring bulbs, the ponds coming to life, the buds on the trees, even the insects are active. Our chickens have been enjoying chasing flies around the garden before laying out looking as if they are playing dead in order to get plenty of sun.

We are very lucky to have the Badminton estate on our doorstep. I will leave others with better knowledge to give specifics of where to go, but I do understand that there are some lovely walks there. We also have the Boxwell estate, and others such as Ozleworth and Newington Bagpath in the valleys. These estates are not open to the public nor are they run as parkland like Badminton is. They are working farms, and because of this they have maintained over the centuries what we think of as natural English countryside. However, there are official footpaths and bridle paths running though them.

Then of course we have Westonbirt right on our doorstep. I have never liked the 'front door' of Westonbirt, with the car parks, visitor centres and high charges. Thank goodness there is also the 'back door'. There are public footpaths running from both Leighterton and Didmarton into Silkwood and the woods behind Silkwood. This to me is the real Westonbirt, the wild bit where the trees are left to grow naturally and the wildlife is less disturbed by people. Again, much of this is on private land and public footpaths and the Countryside Code should be kept to.

There is a good reason though to go into Westonbirt by the front door, and that is when there is limited mobility. In the modern part of the arboretum there is disabled parking, hard paths and electric scooter and manual wheelchairs available (best to book on weekends and at busy times).

But if you have someone in your party that is of limited mobility, and you don't want the expense or the crowds of Westonbirt, the Cotswold Conservation Board has produced a small handbook called Walks on Wheels containing 15 walks suitable for buggies and wheelchairs, two of which are in our area: a town walk in Tetbury and a walk on the Badminton Estate. Each walk has a map and details about parking, length, and whether there are any hills or not. That's essential information for the people pushing!

Theses walks and others can be downloaded for free from their website http://www.cotswoldsaonb.org.uk/

So Professor Brian Cox may be able to watch the sun go down from the top of a mountain or stand in the middle of a Peruvian desert to watch the dawn though a fourth century solar observatory, but nothing beats standing on the edge of the Cotswold escarpment and watching the sun rise over Westonbirt, or gazing across the Severn floodplain to take in a sunset.

Bang goes Bang With the Weather

2011-03-10T20:07:00.003Z

I just suggested watching Bang Goes the Weather with Ram. We gathered our things and turned on the TV. As the presenters introduced themselves, Ram looked disappointed: "Oh, it's this lot. I thought the title was some clever pun that I didn't get. I don't like that kind of enthusiasm. I like people that are really interested in what they are doing, not just trying to look interested."

So much for the government's attempt to make science exciting. Mind you, from listening to the young people giving evidence at the House of Commons Science and Technology Committee, my son is not the only one that despairs about about the dumbing down of science on TV. Most of them said that they get more information from reading the New Scientist, and talking to real scientists.

http://www.parliamentlive.tv/Main/Player.aspx?meetingId=7888

Maybe it is time that Bang Goes the Theory goes bang and we can get some real science on prime time TV.

Our New Family

2008-03-23T17:30:00.001Z

We have all been busy with Lego!

This is our new Faaaaamily

Maggie the Maaaagnetic just hanging around.

Darren the Draaaaagon, Welsh.

Buzz Light Sheep - up, up and awaaaaaay. (splat!)

Josh the Jelly - after an unfortunate accident in the lab he now glows in the dark and goes blup.

Robert the Robot - he's an off road sheep, then again, most are!

Pete the pack sheep - handy for supermarket runs. - and we don't mean down the toilet!

Sorry about the jokes! We haven't done much all week and it was the best we could do

Telephones

2008-02-14T09:33:00.001Z

Telephones have been the cause of a lot of problems in our house. Well, as Ram would say, the problem isn't his, it is mine for wanting to use them!

He has always hated me being on the telephone from a very young age. He did once answer it for me, but only to pick it up and slam it down again!

After a scary incident where he tried to attack someone when I answered the telephone, (it would have been me if I was beside him, but I went into another room, so he tried to attack Debbie the Hoover with a Stanley knife) we made the agreement that I would no longer use the telephone except for very short and necessary business calls.

I have occasionally been able to have phone calls with friends, usually very early in the morning before he is awake, or when I have respite care. Even then, he will come and constantly interrupt me.

When stories of how very young children ring the emergency services and save the lives of parents, I always feel a little sad, as I have tried to show Ram how to use the phone, but he won't have any off it.

So imagine my huge surprise the other day when he came outside while I was picking vegetables for supper, and gave me a message!

I was stunned!

He told me that Ursula (the mother of his friend Banana) had rung from a charity shop to ask if I wanted some knitting needles and he had told her that I was outside and that she could call back in a few minutes, and then told me that she would call in about five minutes.

I couldn't quite believe that he had actually answered the phone, so I started to clarify it, but Ram immediately got upset. I so wanted to give him a big hug and say well done, but he was having nothing of that. He was nearly in tears!

Ursula did ring a few minutes later, and told me that she had started to leave a message on the answering phone, and that Ram had picked up the phone, and had a very good conversation with her. He was very clear, had a good telephone manner, and was able to tell her where I was and how long I was going to be!

It was so frustrating not to be able to praise Ram but every time I tried to mention it he got really upset.

Finally as we went to bed I was able to talk to him about it. Apparently he heard her mention knitting needles, and he was eager for me to get a replacement for the one he had lost, so he answered to help sort that out.

I was so amazed! I did share this with another friend who has a boy not only almost exactly the same age as Ram, but also the same characteristics, and she said that her son did the same last year. Out of the blue he answered the phone, and took a message and relayed it correctly!

I emailed this friend back saying that I hoped it wasn't a one off. She replied that she hadn't wanted to deflate my excitement by telling me that indeed it had been a one off with her son!

So I am under no illusions that this may be the one and only time he answers the phone, and that he only did it because he felt guilty about losing a knitting needle, but at least I know that he can do it, and that if I do ever collapse, hopefully he will be able to ring the emergency services for me.

PS. I think I should just add that Ram claims that he didn't lose the knitting needle. We just can't find it, and just because previously he has been taking my knitting needles to scratch his feet with, doesn't mean to say that this time it was his fault that it went missing. As a fair mother I am accepting his story, and therefore my entry above is slightly inaccurate: Ram didn't lose the knitting needle, but he was still rather eager to help me get the new one!

Learning Through Bob

2008-01-01T21:20:00.000Z

I know I haven't talked about Christmas yet, and I will do so soon, but I just wanted to tell you how Ram has been learning though Bob, his little stuffed sheep.

I wrapped up a little 'make your own model of an ant kit' for Bob as a Christmas present. It makes one of these four inch ant models. Ram decided to make it for Bob today. It was pretty simple and I asked Ram if he had read the instruction sheet with it which tells you what the parts are and how they work.

He said sort of, so I suggested that he read it aloud to Bob as Bob can't read and it was his present. And not only did he agree, he was so very good at it!

He read each section, then showed Bob the part they were talking about!

Afterwards, I asked Bob if he understood it all, and Bob (with the help of Ram's hand) said no. So I asked if he could ask Ram and would Ram explain it to him, and Bob said yes!

I was so proud of my boy! He may not have wanted to learn about ants but he was happy to teach Bob about them!

He also learned something about sheep today. On of the ewes next door, called Holly, gave birth to twins in the paddock behind us. Ram and the Dxh were out there so the farmer called them over. They missed the first one coming out but they saw the second one and some of the afterbirth. They stayed and watched them for quite a while, then I came out and had a look. It was fun watching the little ones looking for the teets. They headbutt up and down and even tried to latch onto the ewe's neck, but eventually one of them found the right place.

We left them for a while, then went back with the farm people to have a look. As it was cold out, they were taking them into the barns by wheelbarrow. Ram suggested that we call them Red and Yellow as one was still a bit bloody and red and the other was well licked and yellow! The traffic light twins!

We never know from one day to the next what new information we will learn!

My Boy is Growing Up

2007-12-18T21:24:00.001Z

It was a very hectic day for the adults of the house, but Ram was busy too. Busy learning new skills and consolidating others.

It was respite day so the Dxh arrived at 10 and I went out to do the last monthly shop before Christmas. While in bed I told Ram that if there was anything that he was expecting in his stocking he needed to tell me now, and I also needed to know if there was anything special that he wanted to eat on Christmas day.

Often he just assumes that I know these things and then gets upset when they don't appear!

After a little thought he informed me that he didn't want an orange in his, he would prefer a lemon because they are more acidic! I said that would be fine but then we went through all the different types of citrus fruit and how they taste.

Then he went on to say that the special thing he wanted to eat on Christmas day was Rise Krispie Squares! So easy and simple to make, and can be done ahead of time. But I will have to hide them so he doesn't eat them before the day!

I then went off to shop while the Dxh and Ram played. It was very busy and it took me a long time to get a parking spot (in rural areas, although those that live in town can walk, most people have to drive into town) and the shops were more crowded than usual. And yet in Somerfield they kept saying that they would be open on Boxing Day and New Year's Day as well as until late every night! So I am not sure what the rush is all about!

When in the green grocer's I bought one of each citrus fruit they had, so hopefully over the next week or so we can get Ram to try them all. He seems so much more open to new things just at the moment.

After lunch Dxh started working on the underfloor heating that wasn't working quite right. We suspected that the motorised valves were gummed up with lime scale, so I read aloud to Ram while he worked in the next room, occasionally going into help. Ram didn't mind much because he was really busy making a Christmas present for Bob, his cuddly sheep!

I don't think Ram has ever thought about someone else in that way, and certainly hasn't made something on his own accord for someone else before. Mind you, it is Lego! It is a Lego weapon suit. I can't show a photo of it because we then wrapped it!

Ram said that most amazing thing while we were choosing the paper out of our selection of reclaimed wrapping paper. He actually said that he wanted to choose a paper that Bob would like and went though each one to find one that he thought Bob would like! Ram usually doesn't really understand about what other people want, but can only see things from his own point of view. This is a big change for him.

As the Dxh was busy with the heating, we went out and prepared to bring the tree in. Ram has never used a large saw before, so I taught him how to use the cross cut saw. It took him a few minutes to get the hang of it, and he managed to cut through half the trunk before his arm got tired. He then said another amazing thing. He said that he wasn't as good as me as he hadn't had enough practice and wasn't as strong as me!

Usually when Ram tries something if he can't do it perfectly he gives up immediately and doesn't try again saying that he is no good and will never be able to do it. But today he carried on until he was better and when I suggested that by next year he would be strong enough to cut the whole trunk off, he agreed!

My boy is growing up!

After we got the tree in we went up to see how Dxh was doing. I took apart one of the old valves to see if it was indeed lime scale that caused it to fail. We then gave Ram a quick lesson on how valves work.

It was getting on for a cup of tea time, so I went down to put the kettle on. I heard an exclamation coming from the bathroom where the boys were working, and called up to see if everything was all right. Dxh said yes, then Ram came out and said that Dad had caused an explosion and there was a bang and a flash of light but it was ok because he was still alive.

I thought he was teasing me, as he had said the same thing this morning to me. Then Dxh came down with the multimeter (measures electricity) to show me the melted tips of the probes! Ram had been telling me the truth! So Dxh had to give Ram a quick lesson in electricity! (Dxh is a registered electrician so don't worry, he does know his stuff, he just had the multimeter on the wrong setting!)

With all my men safely back downstairs (Bob had been watching but was carefully put out of range of danger) we finished setting the tree up, and put the first present under it, which of course was Bob's! Ram was really excited for Bob, which is amazing as you would think that Ram would want one of his presents to be first under the tree.

There is a definite shift in the way Ram is thinking. First he started treating a stuffed animal in a way that a toddler would, and then he started putting that animal first before his own needs.

This is all so exciting for me just like the excitement a mum feels when her toddler starts to grow up and do cute things like this.

And who knows, maybe I might be the recipient of the first present next year!

The Games We Play

2007-12-17T09:00:00.000Z

We have just invented two new games. The first is called Bin Pong. Dxh and Ram invented it while outside playing on Saturday. They started with one of those really bouncy little rubber balls. Somehow, then they decided to use bin lids a 'bats' to hit it back and forth to each other along the length of the drive, hence the name Bin Pong!

Then yesterday Ram was bouncing a ping pong ball around in the house, so I dug out the ping pong bats that I had got from a charity shop many years ago 'just in case' and we started playing around with it. We cleared some space down stairs and played ping pong without the benefit of a table. Sort of whole house ping pong.

As Ram's coordination isn't the best (neither is mine!) and it was the first time he had ever played, and we weren't playing with a table, the ball was going all over the place. As it hit various things in the house it would make a pinging noise, sometimes making quite musical intervals as it bounced off things like glassware, large bowls and the milk churn.

Ram's eyes lit up as he said: 'I think we should call this Ding Dong!

So there you are, Bin Pong and Ding Dong. Two new games to play this Christmas!

The Tudors

2007-12-13T20:44:00.000Z

The Tudors

ram and I have avidly been watching The Tudors on BBC1 on Friday evenings. This is another very good example of how we don't plan lessons in advance, but how autonomous home educating parents do some preparation and facilitation to help learning happen.

After the series started I noticed in The Book People's catalogue a set of 10 books called A Very Short Introduction:British History. So I ordered that and also A Very Short Introduction to Warfare.

I am not reading these to Ram at the moment, but I have them in the bathroom in my reading basket. I have been reading the one about the Tudors while the series has been running. Sometimes I read a bit out to Ram if he is in the bathroom with me, other times I just save the information for later discussion.

I know that people have said that The Tudors are not historically accurate, but we have used that too for learning. I checked out the Wikipedia page on it for the inaccuracies and that too became part of the discussions as we talked about why they changed things about.

I know that some might think that the sex in The Tudors might not make it a good choice of programme for an 11 year old. Choosing what Ram can and cannot watch started some time ago when he saw the adverts for The Matrix and wanted to watch it. I knew that Dxh had seen it and I had made a judgement about the film from the figure of the leather clad Trinity on top of his TV!

But rather than saying no to Ram, we decided to discuss with with Dxh, especially as he had seen it and I hadn't. Dxh assured me that there wasn't any kinky sex in it, which I had assumed, and although there was some violence, it was very stylised and he felt that Ram could handle it.

In discussing it with some friends one of them said something that has always stuck with me. She said it is strange how we don't want our children to grow up killing people, and yet we let them watch violence, but we do want them to grow up to make love, and yet we stop them from watching films with sex in it!

In the end Ram did watch The Matrix and I am really glad I didn't try to stop him, because for him it was a very important film. It wasn't the violence that interested him, it was the thought that this world might just be an illusion! From there we got onto some pretty heavy philosophy.

So when the Tudors came along, I decided that as I wanted him to have relationships with women, and because I know that people on the spectrum often have difficulties with relationships and sex, and because the only sex he sees around here are the ponies and sheep on the farm, I let him watch it. Again I am glad that he did. The sex wasn't embarrassing for him, as it would be for some young people, and I felt that it was appropriate sex.

And as the last episode closed he learned what coitus interruptus is. A very important lesson!

Peru

2007-12-07T15:55:00.000Z

Sometimes I am asked if I plan lessons in advance. I don't think I have even planned a lesson in my life, let alone in advance! Often something unexpected comes up and we find an opertunity to learn more than we were expecting. There is certainly no 'planning in advance' but I guess there is some preparation on my part.

We have been taking a break from reading the Discworld books, and started reading Anthony Horowitz's Power of Five series. The first book just happened to take place mainly in Yorkshire, so we were familiar with a few of the settings. The second book however takes place in Peru, a country that we know very little about! What a chance for home education!

First of all, Horowitz has obviously done a lot of research, and through the book we are introduced to the shanty towns, and the wealthy. They travel through Peru to Cuzco and Nazca, and the descriptions along the way are wonderful. We got the trusty old geographical atlas that we have in the bedroom, and started following the trail.

As usual, when looking at the atlas, we turned pages and looked at the weather, the composition of the soil, precipitation, and so on. From there we went round looking for deserts that were not made of sand!

I also got onto a fellow home educator who has a boyfriend in Peru, and she gave us information about where she has been, and where she was travelling to the next week as well as a bit of an idea of what it is really like out there. From there we went back to the atlas, and also onto Google Earth.

Google Earth is a home educator's dream! We spent over an hour looking for the Inca temples, the shanty towns, and the lines in the earth at Nazca. We also looked at the social side too. In the book there is very little about the average Peruvian. We knew that there would be some very wealthy individuals, but we at first thought that their middle classes were not very weathly as we could find no swimming pools. Then, all of the sudden we found the wealthy suburbs of Lima complete with swimming pools!

One of the features of Google Earth is the photographs that you can click on. Some were the typical glossy photos of Churches, so we could study the architecture of those, but there were also a lot of plain ordinary houses in there too, which gave us a piture of what life is really like.

It was also interesting to see the overhead view of how the cities fit into the mountains, and then look at panoramic photos of the city nestling in amongst the mountain.

We were even able to tie chocolate in! Peruvian chocolate was mentioned in the book, and I found some Fair Trade Peruvian Chocolate in our local supermarket. I bought some and we all had a try of it, even Ram, who usually refuses to eat anything other than white chocolate. I was proud of him for trying it, but pleased that he didn't like it, so that I could finish the rest of the bar!

We hadn't planned to study Peru, and I had had no idea that was where we were heading, but that to us is what autonomous home education is all about; taking opportunities when they are offered.

Some Days Are Just Too Frustrating

2007-11-28T18:05:00.000Z

Today was a grey day, so after reading for a while (newspapers and birthday books) we settled down to watch some recorded TV. We were half way through the second Dispatches programme, when Ram started being silly with a large plastic coat-hanger. It was mildly annoying, but mostly I was worried that as he threw it through the air it would knock over my glass of water, so I asked him to either stop, or move else where.

I knew immediately that it was not going to work. He snapped that he wanted to watch the programme too, but didn't carry on with the coat-hanger throwing. He did however carry on being angry.

He then loaded up some Bionicle weapons that he has developed and shot me with them. It was when he got the larger weapons out and started aiming for me that I knew I had to act.

I paused the TV, and said, 'I can see that you are aiming these weapons at me, so you must be angry with me. Is it because I asked you to stop with the coat-hanger?' He thought for a moment, sat down, and said partly, but added that he just felt that things were not going right today.

I suggested that he was extra autistic this morning, almost ADHD, and maybe he needed to get rid of some energy. He brightened up and suggested that we go outside and bounce on the trampoline! I agreed, and then we both dived for the toilet! Not a good idea to bounce on a full bladder!

We then ran outside, only to find that it had just started raining! Ram was immediately furious, and not surprisingly. He already felt that the day was wrong, then just when we agreed on something to help, it went wrong again.

We got inside and he said that he wanted a punch bag so that he could kill something. I have a cut down duvet cover full of sheep's wool waiting to be spun, so I got that out and tied a rope around the top. Ram took down the trapeze and I put the makeshift punch bag and off Ram went!

He hit, kicked and punched the bag for 30 minutes! All the while I was able to potter around and tidy up, at the same time as watching him. After that he felt much better. He rested for a few minutes, then he started again. This time he tried different things, like sticks, jumping up in the air and kicking, and a length of chain.

He carried on for nearly an hour, until finally he had had enough. Now my happy chappy was relaxed enough to sit with me and watch Smart, followed by Blue Peter. Half way through Blue Peter he got restless again, so he got up and found my old winter motorcycle gloves, and used them as boxing gloves. Luckily having an open plan barn to live in he could do that and still watch Blue Peter.

I knew that he wasn't having a good day, and I could have handled the coat-hanger incident differently, but by thinking on my feet rather than getting angry at him, we have not only recovered the day, but had some with it.

Yes, even I have had a go!

The Birthday Boy!

2007-11-22T09:17:00.000Z

The Birthday Boy!

We are still recovering from Ram's birthday. We had a great time with our friends and it was one of the best visits despite Banana and Sheepy brining with them coughs. Poor Ursula didn't get much sleep because Sheepy came down with an earache the day after the birthday.

The kids had Thursday and Friday to play about, and some serious Legoing was done, as well as trapeze practice. Part of the fun of the trapeze for some was using the milk churn on its side to do some log rolling. When Ram came to bed on Friday night I asked why he was upset with things,and he told me that the milk churn makes too much noise. So the next morning, rather than just say that they couldn't do it anymore, we sought a solution. It came very quickly. We got an old rug down from upstairs and put that down on the floor. Problem solved!

I always like to think things through and find a win win solution, rather than just being confrontational and telling people to stop what they are doing.

Saturday was birthday day, and although we were hoping that Ram could hold out until Dxh got there to open presents, because we werent' sure when he was arriving, Ram couldn't wait. He got a wonderful book from The Dog Walker called The Dastardly Book For Dogs, some more Lego (you can never have enough) and a new Gameboy Game called Harvest Moon.

Of course the main present didn't come out until later in the day. My son has had a right of passage and has his first air rifle! I know that for some people, especially those in towns, you may find that a shock, but here in the deepest countryside, and with the people that we associate with, this is a really big thing.

Ram is taking it very seriously, and despite his usual blank expression, you could see that he was really pleased. He is looking forward to improving his skill. Mind you, his first shot hit the bull's eye so he won't have far to go!

Ram didn't want every one coming at the same time, so in the afternoon we had another family round for tea and cake. The kids got on well, but by the time they left it was clear that Ram was flagging. Luckily Robin Hood was on and we all sat down to watch that together.

We didn't plan anything for the next day, so that the kids could just chill. It was lucky really because Sheepy came down with earache! We ended up with a day of films. We watch the newly released Harry Potter DVD, one that they brought with them, which was great because we can't go to the cinema (way to loud for autistic kids!) so we often don't get to watch films until a year later when they come out on DVD.

Then we watched the current rental DVD which was Flushed Away. A lovely animation just right for kids who are stress or under the weather. Then they watched Matilda which just happen to be on TV, and then there was a fourth one, that I can't even remember! But then someone had to be in the kitchen making food!

After Ursula and family left on Monday it was clear that Ram had been holding himself together and had only just made it to the end. He sat for the entire morning in a chair with a blanket over him, listening to me read. Then the whole afternoon was spent watching TV that we had recorded while there were here.

Ram decided that he didn't want anyone around for the rest of the week, including his Dad. And indeed, we have spent the last few days doing very little.

To people outside the family they probably saw a lively boy enjoying his birthday. What they don't see is the after effects, and just how much energy is taking up in appearing to be normal.

But no matter, Ram had a wonderful time, and I am sure it was made all the more bearable by knowing that he would have lots of time to recover.

Day of Interruptions

2007-11-13T07:32:00.000Z

Another day was spent reading Discworld. In fact, it is really taking over things. When I was preparing supper and listening to the six o'clock news on BBC radio, I heard that there were going to increase the number of police officers in Scotland, and before I knew it I was asking myself if they were going to include dwarfs, vampires and werewolves in the force!

It wasn't all plain sailing today though. We read in bed until after 10, but then Ram took longer than usual to get dressed. There is no hurrying him, as if you do it makes him so stressed that he ends up back in bed!

I left him to get his clothes on after putting his ankle supports on, as this used to be the best way to get him dressed in the quickest time. He didn't like being alone in the room so he would get his clothes on quickly to join me in the bathroom. But he ended up just lying in bed thinking, which I have no problem with, as quietly thinking is an important part of education, but it did mean that it was after 11 by the time we got downstairs for breakfast.

We then we upstairs to read, so that Ram could Lego. But first I had to ring the company that sold us the new breadmachine that wasn't working, then pack it up to return it. Then I went up and read for a bit, then remembered that as it was a nice day we had to put out the bedding from the guest room to air, then I had to take a phone call from Ursula confirming some details about the visit that couldn't be done on email.

Then we had lunch. Ram shouted at me to start reading again so I had to point out that I couldn't read and eat at the same time! He knows this, and can see that I am eating, but can't put two and two together. He was clearly getting frustrated with the interruptions.

Then they arrived to take the breadmaker back, then another phone call from Ursula, then from Dxh to say that the plumber was on the way to check which valve was broken, and by then it was four PM, and the plumber arrived!

We did get a lot of reading done, but there was also a lot of interruptions which made Ram very angry. He really can't cope yet with me on the phone.

In fact he brought it up again when we went to bed. He said he really couldn't understand why I had to be on the phone. He couldn't understand why I couldn't tell him what I was talking about at the same time that I was talking to the person.

I don't understand why he can't cope with me on the phone, and to a lesser extent me emailing people. But maybe one day he will be able to understand himself and that will make things easier.

And I wonder if the reason why he likes me to read in bed so much is because it is much harder for me to answer the phone or do emails!

Who Needs a Bath Anyway!

2007-11-12T07:39:00.001Z

We had a typical relaxing Sunday today. We read all morning. I started out reading the Discworld book, but it didn't last long because Ram wanted to read the Warhammer book that he has borrowed from the home ed group!

I really don't understand the Warhammer stuff. I suppose I could do if I really tried and studied it like Ram does, but I just don't have the time. Or as Ram puts it I am better at taking care of people than killing them!

We also caught up on some recorded TV. We watched the programme on the housing market. Ram took it all in even though he is many years away from being a first time buyer! Then we watched a two hour programme on The Great Wall of China. It was one of the most comprehensive programmes on the wall we have ever watched and it held Ram's attention for the whole two hours.

I did however, make a little mistake. I said that he would have to have his monthly bath after the programme, not realising that it was a two hour programme! So of course it was too late to have the bath afterwards as it was already past bedtime – well, mine at least!

So there we are, another month has past and I hasn't managed to get him in the bath. Mind you, it shows that if you don't bath regularly some how you become self cleaning, as he doesn't look or smell that dirty!

Talk, Talk, Talk, and More Laughter!

2007-11-11T08:15:00.000Z

As expected we had a great day of purposive conversation. We started out reading of course, but once Dxh arrived we sat around with a cup of tea going over the events of the last few days.

We then went over to the farm to show Dxh the damage, and do some debris collecting. One of the interesting things that was pointed out to us was that there were five roofing sheets, each 10 feet long, that were blown away, and there isn't enough debris around the farm and in our garden to account for them! So where are the rest?

The small pile that we collected this morning. Where is the rest?

We are all still jumpy in the wind. I was looking at some more debris with the Dog Walker (daughter of Glow the Farmer) when there was a sudden gust of wind, and both of us tensed up! I just wanted to get back inside just in case! Silly really because I don't think it will happen again.

Some of the bad news is that the roof that was damaged the most was very old one, which was curved. Apparently they don't make curved roofing sheets anymore, so they may have to replace the whole roof with something more modern. It is a shame because that curved roof looks so pleasing to the eye, in the middle of the more angular roofs.

The damaged curved roof from a distance. The black hole is where the roof is missing.

I like to see something good come out of something bad. We were wondering what to do with the broken wheelbarrow that damaged my car. Then I was wondering where to put the strawberry plants that needed to be dug out of the fruit cage as they were not doing well in there, and were getting stepped on when picking the currents. It didn't take long to put two and two together and the wheelbarrow is now home to the strawberries!

Mobile strawberries!

In the afternoon we did more talking, and discussed some of the Discworld novels and television programmes we watched this week. Then we started tidying up. It is Ram's birthday and Ursula, Banana and Sheepy are coming to stay for a few days. This means that we need the big kitchen table cleared of all the home ed and craft projects cleared so we all have somewhere to sit and eat!

We had a great time doing it. We laughed a lot, teased each other, had a couple of tickle sessions, and did lots of talking altogether.

I wonder how many other families, especially those with children in school, spend so much time just talking and laughing together. I certainly feel that it keeps us close and happy.

Although I could have done without the verbal diarrhoea last night at bedtime. Ram just kept talking about nothing in particular. At one point after about five minutes of talking non stop he said something along the lines of: “Then of course you need genetically modified pigs to get them to fly, but all you have to do is say maaa twice and it will not work.”

I hadn't said a word, but just stared at him. Finally after this nonsense sentence, he realised I was just looking at him and stopped. We looked at each other and then just laughed! Then we had a cuddle, snuggled into bed, and read more Discworld, and laughed some more. I am sure the laughter helps us relax and get to sleep!

Education in Bed

2007-11-10T08:03:00.000Z

After yesterday's excitement in the morning, Ram became very tired in the afternoon. At first he wanted me to read aloud to him.

Oh, lets just back track there a bit! At the moment, and for the last couple of months we have been reading our way through the Discworld books by Terry Pratchett. They have proved to be highly educational, not only the regular books themselves, but also the three 'Science of Discworld' books.

By reading these books aloud to Ram I can do a verbal annotation, like the ones that are available on the Internet. It is a wonderful example of how purposive conversation works. We will read a line such as "'They were myths and they were real,' he said loudly. 'Both a wave and a particle.'"
which is from Guards! Guards! and that will lead to a discussion about how light acts as both a wave and a particle, bringing in the science that we learned from the Science books! It takes us much longer to read these books that reading the actual words, as we often stop to discuss things!

Not only that, the Dxh is also reading them so when he comes on Saturdays we usually discuss the whole thing again. This can bring in other opinions, which is helps Ram learn that people can have differing opinions about the same thing, as well as a greater level of science understanding.

Anyway, back to yesterday. Even through Ram was eager to start the next book Feet of Clay, he wasn't really happy about it. He decided to go on the computer instead. I then had another conversation with Glow the farmer and suggested that Ram and I help with the clean up operation. Ram then said that he was too tired to do anything like that. So I left him looking up Pokemon data!

It is actually lovely to see him doing this, as a few years ago when he was into Pokemon he couldn't read it for himself. He is now really excited reading his own Pokemon books because he realises now how much he was missing when he couldn't read.

In the evening we watched the wildlife programmes on Channel Five, then The Tudors. At 10 o'clock there is a mad dash for bed so that Ram can watch Q.I. Live. At the end I turned over briefly to BBC1 to catch the weather, a topic that is in the forefront at the moment. Ram noticed that there was a particularly low temperature on the top most island above Scotland, so when we turned the TV off I reached for the atlas.

Yes, we keep an old physical geography atlas in the bedroom, just for moments like this!

This is a very old atlas that we bought from a charity shop. One reason I got it was because it is physical geography (weather, ground level, and so on) rather than the social geography that is more popular now, and another is to show how countries and their names have changed.

The first thing we noticed was that the island in question was not Shetland, but Zetland! So one of my jobs this morning is to look up when the name Zetland fell from use so that I can drop that into our purposive conversation today!

Then for some reason Ram wanted to look at Canada, so we had to go though the whole atlas to get to Canada (yes, I new it was at the end but didn't tell him so that we would have to go through the whole book!) looking at many interesting things on the way.

The great thing about home education, is that it can take place at any time of the day – or night!

The Day After the Tornado

2007-11-09T11:23:00.000Z

We have just come back from our tour of damage. It seems that the twister went through open countryside, clipped one farm, throught the garden of a house, lifting among other things their trampoline, hit the farm next to us with full force taking off sections of roof, then through the end of our garden and onto open countryside again where was there no evidence of any further damage.

I am sure that if there were no witnesses, no one whould have known what had happened, as it apprears that the rest of the village is totally unaffected!

Here are some photos to prove that we are not making it all up!

The main damage to the roof, parts of which were found 200 metres away!

Ram found several pieces as large as he is, just lying up against the farm side of the wall of our garden.

All that is left of the neighbour's trampoline.

This piece of roofing dug into the ground, so it is amazing that no one was hurt!

This apple tree won't make it...

...but this one might as the roots weren't ripped out and the trunk has only bent, not snapped.

This is the bath tub water butt that flew through the air over the wall into the paddock where the two apple trees were blown over.

The only structural damage we had was to the treehouse. The upright on the left should be vertical and couple of feet to the right! I am not sure we can fix it as the whole tree seems to have shifted, so we may have to take it down and start again.

We were lucky really. The car was badly scratched by a wheelbarrow flipping over, but it was in a not very noticble place and will easily be repaired. We have found the dog bowl that went missing in some brambles, the lid to the birdfeed storage bin in the paddock next door (although the feed may have to be ditched as it got rather wet), and the bolster pillow under our trampoline. This was quite interesting as the trampoline was in the opposite direction to the prevailing wind in relation to where the bolster started out. More proof that it was a tornado rather than just strong winds!

I had a chat with Glow (we have given her the name of one of her cows, to protect her identity!) the farmer and we both realised that it was only this morning that we could talk about it without our hearts beating fast!

For something that lasted so short a time, it has certainly had a huge impact!

Tornado Hits Leighterton!

2007-11-08T16:21:00.000Z

Just a quick note to say that this afternoon we had a tornado rip through our garden and the farm next door.

It was just like people who are interviewed on the TV say; there was a roaring wind, then all the leaves in the garden were in the air swirling together like ballet dancers, then the bathtub at the bottom of the garden that we use as a water but went up in the air and over the wall into the paddock beyond!

The farm has come off much worse though, with many roof panels being ripped off. Luckily all the livestock and people were ok, but the farmer reckons there is around £10,000 worth of damage to the buildings.

But Mother Natures temper doesn't last long. There is now clear skys and a promise of a lovely sunset!

Must go back to Ram. We are watching a film where Mother Nature also figures highly; The Call of the Wild. I am not sure which I would prefer, a tornado, or a blizzard in the Arctic!

And Be Merry!

2007-09-30T14:51:00.000+01:00

Ram has actually been reasonably happy lately. He went through a very bad patch a couple of years ago where he was feeling suicidal. I think that must be one of the scariest things for a parent; knowing that your child is that unhappy, but not being able to help them, because they don't have the language to talk about it.

Back then, once Ram expressed his unhappiness (while sitting on the side of the bath with a toothbrush in his hand!) I was able to look out for it. It hasn't gone away, but I can usually see when things are getting too much for him.

One thing that made our trip to York much better and left Ram feeling much happier was our friends picking us up from the station. We tried public transport last time but Ram was really distressed. This time when they dropped us at the station, because of going in the car, Ram started the journey home much less stress and much happier, which meant that he was more calm on the train.

But right now is one of those times when I have needed to be aware that he isn't too happy. He is really struggling with strangers, both here at the house and in public. This has made shopping almost impossible and even swimming has suffered.

We had lost his prescription swimming goggles before we went to York. This meant that the first week we came back we couldn't go swimming. Then we found them, about an hour after I ordered another pair of course! Luckily we managed to cancel the order in time!

Ram seemed to be looking forward to swimming but when we woke up on that morning he said he didn't feel well enough to go. We left it that week and stayed home.

Then the next week again he seemed happy knowing that he was going swimming the next day, but again he woke up feeling that he couldn't go. This time he said he was too cold!

I had a little think. He certainly had been finding it difficult going swimming. He was becoming more and more distressed in the changing room, and taking longer to settle in the pool too.

So I had a little chat with him and suggested that we take a break for a couple of weeks and then reassess the situation. He looked so relieved! Then we moved onto shopping. He has been getting The Horrible Science magazines so there has always been two reasons to go out on a Tuesday. He felt that he didn't want to get them anymore as they had extended the original term and he has grown out of them. So we agree that we would go shopping that morning, to cancel the magazines and pick up a few things we needed, and have our treat at the bakery.

Ram started out ok, but he got more and more distressed as time went on. In the end he sat in the buggy with the blanket over his head baaaaaaing like a sheep.

Good thing I am not worried about how people perceive me! When we got back to the car he was very quiet.

I let him relax and think a bit in the car, then as we were approaching the village, I said that I felt that he is much more stressed when out and about than he has been. He said that he was really having a problem with strangers, but that he thought it would be ok again in a few years time!

So we have agreed that Ram doesn't have to go shopping or swimming, or out for any other reason for a while.

After all, it is better to have him happy and at home, than to be stressed but social!

Drink,

2007-09-23T16:42:00.000+01:00

Like with hunger, Ram has difficulty with knowing when he is thirsty. Unless I am there to put water in front of him he won't drink. And I have to be crafty sometimes. For instance, as I am typing this I have realised that he hasn't had anything to drink all day, but if I ask him if he is thirsty he will say no. So I will now go and open a bottle of fizzy water in front of him, and I bet he will reach out for it!

..........

Yep! It worked! He just had half a glass of water, without batting an eyelid!

So I know how to get water into him, but it still takes a lot of effort on my part to remember to offer him water in the right way. I also have those 'bad mum' times when I realise that I have forgotten to water him!

He does get water in other ways, mainly through frozen apple juice lollies. We freeze pressed apple juice (the cloudy type) in dripcatchers and he have free access to them – when I remember to make them!

Luckily at Ursula's place they have ice lollies too. They have a different kind, but Ram manages to cope and we had a constant routine of making and serving up the lollies. It is a very good way of making sure they drink something and fruit juice is much better than what they put into commercial ice lollies. There were some red Tom and Jerry ones we once tried, and Ram ended up on the ceiling!

I have also bought some lovely new water bottles for when we are out and about. I bought them just before we left for York to visit our friends. Ram likes to have fizzy water and it isn't always available on the train, and the old plastic fizzy drink bottle was looking very tattered, and I understand that it isn't safe to keep reusing them. Luckily the new bottles came just before we left.

We were very pleased with them. And very grateful that we had them on the train. And while visiting York! They are very light, yet strong, and they keep the water fizzy too.

When Ram was little I was always taking a bag of food and drink along with the nappies but I had sort of got out of the habit of it. I think I need to get back into the habit of always taking water with us. We recently went shopping for Lego and I was very glad we took a bottle of water with us as the bakery where we were going to buy a treat and a drink had a long queue.

I also took some to the first home ed meeting after the summer break and Ram drank the whole 600ml! I realised that he hadn't been drinking the squash that they make up for the children, and only occasionally asking me for a glass of tap water. He was much more thirsty than I had thought!

The next meeting I took the bottle again, and again he drank the whole thing. Next time I will take both bottles and see if he drinks even more.

Still, I should be grateful. Hopefully his lack of interest in drink will keep him from becoming an alcoholic!

Eat

2007-09-20T20:44:00.000+01:00

Eat

Ram and food are a bit like chalk and cheese; they don't get along, but I wouldn't put it past him to try the two together! Well, his favourite used to be Marmite and chocolate spread mixed together!

He does eat a fairly well balanced diet of foods close to their natural state, that is, not to much processed food, but he is limited in what he has.

Lately he has dropped a few things, but nothing have taken their place. So I was a bit worried about what he would eat while we were away, as well as being concerned that he is lacking in iron.

Luckily he managed to eat fairly well while we were at Ursula's house. Her two kids eat well, and will have the same things as the parents eat, and I always hope that Ram will take the hint, but he didn't. I thought we were going to have problems on the night we had fish, as it was smoked and it did smell more than his fish fingers, but he managed to stay in the same room as us!

He did try one new food. Hope made ice-cream! I have made ice-cream for him before but he has always refused it, so I was both surprised and pleased when he not only ate his own little pot of it, but managed to sneak a bit of mine too. Serves me right for chatting while eating!

So when we got home I had to order some cream from the milk man, and get the recipe from Ursula. I knew it was touch and go as to whether he would have mine at home. Luckily it went well and he loved it. I am sure that freezing it in little ramekins the way it was at Ursula's made all the difference. So now we will be having a regular order of cream!

I was still worried about his iron levels, as there isn't much he eats that contains iron and I know that when kids have a growth spurt they can get low on iron. He is pale and does run out of steam pretty fast these days. So when we were in the health food shop I got down to eye level with him (he was in the buggy) and explained that I had noticed that he was getting to be more like a vampire every day and that there was two things he could do about it. He could gnaw on an iron bar, or take some Floradix! He initially chose the iron bar of course, but after a discussion he decided that we should both take Floradix, and he chose the adult version rather than the orange flavoured on.

We have our first trial run that night at supper. He had the food ready, and a glass of water. He took the Floradix and I sat on the edge of my chair holding my breath. Slowly he put the little cup down. 'Not to bad' he said! I sighed in relief! But he does say that he has to wash it down with water and then eat something to take away the taste properly.

This is the first time I have been able to get him to take a supplement. Between that and the ice-cream, maybe he is finally learning to eat!

An Apology and The Play Park

2007-09-15T08:24:00.000+01:00

I apologise to those of you who have been checking regularly for updates. Things were a bit hectic when we got back from visiting our friends. I always find that after spending a week with a choice of people to play with every day, Ram needs more hands on time with me.

In a way this is good because it has broken the pattern we had of being on the computer all day. We are now regularly playing the new card games we learned while away, reading aloud during the day and not just in bed at either end of the day, and my little vampire has discovered the great outdoors again with the help of a swing!

So what I have decided to do to catch up is to do a series of entries that are not based on a single day, but on a theme.

So the theme for this one is the play park in York.

In my last entry, August 20th, I told of how much Ram was looking forward to returning to the play park that he had been to a couple of years before, and how angry he became when we found that it was very crowded.

We didn't say anything to the children at the time because we didn't want to get their hopes up, only to be dashed by the weather, but we had made a note of the opening time of the park, and decided that if Monday was good weather we would go first thing.

Amazingly, Monday was good weather so we packed some drinks, and went off straight after breakfast. We got there 10 minutes before the play park was due to be open, but it was already open! However, as the schools had started by then, there was only a couple of people with very young children. The items that our older kids wanted to play on were free!

At first Ram didn't want to go on the round about that he so wanted to go on last time, but couldn't because there were too many people on it. However, he did relax and after a few minutes all three of them were having a good time!

By 11 o'clock more people were arriving, mostly with younger children, but never the less, it was starting to get busy. That is when the children decided they had had enough. It may only have been an hour's worth of play, but for them it was the best thing, and it was great that Ram will have a very positive memory of the play park.

When we next go to see our friends it will be January. I think the mums will have to take hot drinks, soup, and portable heater and a tent to keep themselves warm while the kids play!

Nearly a Disaster!

2007-08-29T07:40:00.000+01:00

When I am at Ursula's house I get to stick to my same early morning routine; coffee and emails at 6!

But because the house is set up differently to ours we have to use the old baby monitors so that I can hear when Ram wakes up. I went to find them to turn them on and I couldn't! I knew that I had packed them and should have put them out the night before. I search the suitcase and the room but just couldn't see them!

So I ended up on the floor outside the bedroom with a laptop and a cup of coffee! Not a comfortable place to be! Why do they call them laptops when they don't work on your lap!

Luckily later in the day when we opened the curtains we found that the monitors were rapped up in the curtains and were there all along!

We nearly had another disaster when we went to a play park that Ram specially asked to go to. He had been there before and was really looking forward to it, but when we got there is was very crowded and he couldn't play on what he wanted to in the way he wanted to. We had our picnic and all the while Ram was in tears of rage saying how he wanted to kill people. We listened respectfully, and reflected back to him what he was saying ("yes, I can see that this situation is making you feel very angry") and when he had calmed down we were able to suggest that he climb a tree instead. He took this up and the three of them climbed a tree for a while, then we managed to rescue the trip by buying ice-creams!

There was a long walk back to the car where there were not so many people and the children all had a good time there, so even thought it was really disappointing and upsetting for Ram to not have the experience we were expecting, it did end on a positive note.

And all I can say is thank goodness we home educate and that the schools will be going back soon!

We Arrived!

2007-08-28T07:16:00.000+01:00

We are finally at our friends house!

I had managed to pack everything yesterday, get up and do my usual email work, then pack some food for Ram, and went up to wake Ram. Just as I did that there was a knock on the door. It was the electrician that is supposed to be working with Dxh on the electrics over the next few days, that is Wednesday, Thursday and Friday! He got the day wrong!

Poor Ram was getting distressed as I dealt with this. But luckily his excitement was greater than his distress - today is the day he gets to see his best friend!

We took Arrow over to the farm where she spends her holidays. She is so used to this now that once we put her bed in the corner of their utility room she settles down and didn't even try to follow us home!

Then we had a leisurely hour to finish packing and have some breakfast. Dxh arrived to drive us to the station, and we got there in plenty of time. I know that one of the things that makes Ram's anxiety level go up is worrying about whether we will be late or not.

We sat in the waiting room for 30 minutes, which was fine with Ram. He had his earplugs in, and his red ear defenders on, all snuggled up in his buggy.

The station was very busy as there had been some festival on. The platform was full of young people with long hair and backpacks! We have assistance booked, but they said that it might be difficult as there was only one of them. I said that as long as he got the ramp up to the train I am sure it woudl be fine! I have big elbows and I knew that I could stop the train leaving until they got all our luggage on board for us!

But we needn't have worried. All these young people were really brilliant! One girl helped us to the right part of the plateform for our coach, then another chap took our luggage on board for us leaving me to wheel Ram up the ramp!

So much for all this idea that young people are all hoodies!

Once we were settled on the train Ram relaxed as much as he usually does. Being in First Class makes all the difference. They really pull out all the stops, and don't bat an eyelide at Ram sitting under the table instead of on his seat! But I do always explain straight away. The stewardess (is that what you call them?) came up to us immediately and asked if I would like a paper, then came back a few minutes later to offer drinks. I asked for coffee for myself and then added in a loud enough voice that Ram could hear, that my son who is autistic and is under the table has brought his own drink!

She smiled and said that she had wondered why it looked like I had three knees! She was wonderful about helping us and understood immediatly that Ram would prefer not to be spoken to. She was still polite, and popped her head down to wish him a good journey and assure him that she would get the kids activity pack for him, but with no expectation that he would respond!

So why is it that Virgin Rail and the staff at the train station can all meet the needs of my son and those like him, then the LAs, the NHS and other govenmental officials can't! Why is it that all we have to say to the private sector is that our children are autistic and they are extremely understanding and helpful, but government officials don't believe us and contstantly want us to prove it, and when we do, they still don't help us out!

There was a little hick-up at York station where we got off. This is where we really need help becuase I can't push the buggy and the luggage at the same time and there are elevators to use. There was a problem in getting us off becuase they didn't know we needed a ramp so the delay in getting the ramp out meant that the man doing assistance needed to go off to do another train before he could take us up to the car park. This distressed Banana a bit, and I don't blame her. These big stations are really very noisy and not a place to hang around!

But we got to the car eventually and the kids were all really pleased to see each other.

When we got to the house we started with a planning meeting so that all the children had a chance to express their views. It can be hard for kids with communication difficulties to express their views in a casual way, so we have found having a formal meeting where they all get a chance to think and talk helps. It was also nice to have a cup of tea and homemade teacakes and scones. Ram doesn't eat much on the train becuase of the stress so he tucked into his lunch.

After that the kids were off and it was time for the adults to catch up.

Splash!

2007-08-25T08:19:00.000+01:00

We had problems getting our little vampire outside again today. The Dxh arrived at 10.30 and it was lovely and cool outside, especially under the umbrella on the patio although it was already hot in the sun. We tried to get Ram to put on shorts and a t-shirt but he refused. He just sat outside under the umbrella whining!

We tried to get him to bounce on the trampoline which is in the shade at this time of the day and he refused to do that. Finally we got him to put on some more appropriate clothes, but he was still unhappy, and spent some time sitting on my lap.

He said he wanted to have another sponge fight but didn't want to have it until after lunch so finally we said he could go and play on the computer until after lunch.

He did eat a bit of lunch with us, a single home-made bread roll with grated cheese in it and several carrots and a few olives. But then it was back onto the computer. Dxh went with him and we set up the Popcap game Venice for him to see if he could beat Ram (he didn't!).

I went up for my nap and when I got up I could hear the boys struggling to find the swim suits so that they could start the sponge fight. I left them to it for a while, but they really couldn't find them, It seems that they didn't think to look up in the utility room to the drying rack, where we always put them to dry after swimming!

They had a sponge fight and when Ram came in soaked I suggested that they get in the pool. For some reason they wouldn't without me so I had to go out and get in with them. As it is so cold in the pool we didn't want to go underwater, so we just walked around in circles with the rule that you could only splash someone if they splashed you first. Ram had his socks on his hands and was splashing Dxh so Dxh was splashing back. Occasionally I got splashed a bit so I splashed back too. Then Ram was really splashing Dxh hard so I said that was unfair and starting splashing Ram, thinking that he would then start splashing me.

He didn't. He got out of the pool in tears! He went and sat on the trampoline and wouldn't cheer up.

It didn't take me long to figure out that he felt that it was unfair that I had splashed him and he hadn't splashed me, and told Dxh out of earshot that for Ram to have closure on this he would need to 'get me back'. Dxh went out and had a chat with Ram and sure enough he felt that I hadn't been playing by the rules because he wasn't splashing me, and he wanted to.

So when I went outside I ignored the two wet sponges in Ram's hands until it was too late! A very thorough sponge fight ensued with all of us getting very wet! Ram was really happen again!

After that he was back in vampire mode and back inside. But at least he got some sun today!

When we went to bed we chatted about what had happened. He really thought that because he hadn't splashed me that I shouldn't have splashed him. I pointed out the rule again; you can't splash someone until they have splashed you. He thought about this and then said that no one would ever be able to splash then. I said that was right, until someone splashed then you could splash all you like. I had to tell him that the rule was for me too. When I splashed him, that gave him the ok to splash me. He really hadn't see it that way! He could only think of it from his own point of view! So I think we have that one sorted out now. I just hope that Monday will be another hot sunny day so that we can have another go at it when Dxh is here!

My Little Vampire

2007-08-24T07:53:00.000+01:00

We had a better start to this morning because we didn't have any interruptions this time! We have finished The Science of Discworld and started a little book of stories by Terry Gillian that were put together as a freebie for a cereal company.

As soon as we got up though Ram was back onto the computer. He was playing Popcap games all day! Some of them are very educational so I don't mind from that point of view, but I would really like him to get outside a bit! Usually we spend all summer outdoors getting lots of nice vitamin D to last us the winter!

On of the games he was playing today was Bookworm Adventures. This is not only a spelling game, but it also involves Greek myths. Basically, the bookworm has to attack all these monsters with words to try and kill them. Each monster has information about it on the screen, written in an amusing way. You wouldn't pass a GCSE in Mythology, but it is great for reinforcing what we have already learned, and is useful as a starting point for getting into all those wonderful monsters of the Ancients.

The way the game works is you get a grid of 16 letters which you use to make words. The longer the word, the more power it has. Once you submit the word the bookworm goes over to the monster and bashes him according to how much power the word has. Then it is the monsters turn to bash the Bookworm. Each has a power bar and the loser is the one that runs out of power first.

In the afternoon the boys came to cut the grass. I usually take them out a glass of squash (or tea when the weather is normal English weather) about half way through. Ram was playing Bookworm Adventures and I was helping him, when I explained that it was time to take the boys a drink. I got up and went to prepare it, and Ram, on his own accord without me having to tell him, went out to tell the boys that their drink was ready!

While we were out there I suggested that Ram stay out and get some sun, but he went straight back inside. I stayed out for a few minutes to have a chat with them, and suddenly Ram came out in tears. He said that his word wasn't long enough because I wasn't there to help him and he had lost all his power in one go!

I quickly excused myself from the boys and went back inside, as I know that if I don't things only escalate and get worse very quickly. If he needs me, he needs me and me delaying things only makes his need to have me beside him stronger!

But it was too late and his heart had gone out of the game. So it was back to his new game bashing the Gnomes on the head! Oh well, more eye/hand coordination practice!

I am really beginning to think that Ram is a vampire. Not only would he not go outside today, but when he came out of the study for supper he even closed the patio doors which we normally leave open all summer!

But I did get a chance to get outside myself today. About the only things that have grown in the veggie patch this summer are the nasturtiums. I pick their seeds and buds and pickle them in vinegar to use through the winter as poor man's capers. I put them on pizzas and make tartar sauce out of them, as well as using them in things like fish or chicken pies. So I hulled a load of the plants from the veggie patch and sat in the sun and picked all the seeds off.

Then in the evening I had six pounds of plums to stone. I need to freeze them as I don't have the time or the sugar to turn them into jam at the moment, so I sat at the picnic table on my own with a glass of wine stoning plums. I wish that Ram would have come out and helped because the village was really quiet and it was funny watching the jackdaws rousting in the trees. It reminded me of the song 'There was 10 in the Bed' because every so often one would suddenly squawk and fly away, and then they would all fly up, wheel round the tree, then settle back down again until the next one squawked and flew off.

But Ram will find out about it anyway. When the Dxh comes tomorrow I shall tell him about it at lunch time and Ram will be there and will listen and learn. Purposive conversation can work both as a reinforcer of previously learned material, and as a way of introducing new things too!

Too Many Interruptions

2007-08-23T08:59:00.000+01:00

As Ram has been so tired lately I let him sleep in this morning. I managed to do two loads of washing, make a loaf of bread, answer a load of emails and send off Skippy, our Renault Kangoo, to the garage for some major work, AND get dressed all before he woke up!

Once I was back in bed reading aloud to him (I usually don't get dressed until he does) I thought we would have a lovely day, but not so. The first interruption was someone knocking at the door. I was expecting the Veggie Box delivery so I thought it would be that, and jumped up straight away and ran downstairs, but it was only someone selling tea towels door to door. I explained that my son was disabled and I had to go back to him so I couldn't see his tea towels. I don't think he believed me as he gave me one of those 'looks'!

Ram wasn't very happy when I got back upstairs but we carried on reading. Until the phone rang! This time it was the garage. Skippy is in to have his cam belt seen to, and as they took it apart they found that the water pump was leaking. They had to explain that it might last six months but that they would have to do the cam again when they replaced the water pump and it was cam driven so it would mean double the expense in six months time, or just an extra £100 to do it now. I gave my permission for them to do it now.

All through the call Ram was shouting 'who is it'. He still doesn't get that I can't talk to business people at the same time as to him, so I had to ask the garage to wait while I explained to him that it was the garage and was important. He still didn't accept that and kept shouting. But when I put the phone down he wouldn't talk to me about it, just wanted me to carry on reading.

Then the one interruption that I was expecting came. The veggie box was finally deliver to the right place. I had to talk to the man to tell him that where they have been leaving it for the last four weeks was the incorrect place. Then he started talking about older dogs and their troubles! He was a lovely man, very chatty, but not what I wanted just then.

By the time I got upstairs to Ram he was in a state. He was crying and very angry. It was also getting late by then as he kept refusing to get up due to his anger. I read for another 30 minutes and he was finally calm enough to get up just after midday!

Never mind, he just had lunch instead of breakfast! He got straight onto the computer again. He is enjoying The Sims and I read out an email from a friend about what her daughters get up to with Sims, and he actually helped me reply back to them! Communication by proxy I call it!

This evening we watched Mock the Week and I am always amazed at how many news stories he has picked up. I sometimes try to fill in the background for some of the jokes and he gets that look in his eyes and says, 'Oh mum, I already know that!'

Afterwards I said he could play on the computer again until he finished what he was doing. I decided to play the Popcap game Venice. We really enjoy Popcap games and there is a lot of hidden educational stuff going on with them. Aside from the usual eye-hand coordination, they also help with tracking and focusing, and they often have other educational things going for them like the classical music in Insanaquariam, and spelling in Book Worm Adventures, just to name a few. They even have ones for typing practice! You can play them for free on line, or download them as a trial for one hour's worth of play, or pay a modest sum to buy them outright.

Anyway, I still had 30 minutes of play in Venice before I had to enter the code to carry on playing it, so I decided to use it up. Ram looked at what I was doing, and decided that he wanted to have a go, so he loaded up his free 60 minutes.

I wish he hadn't! Within a few minutes he was at the same level as I was! He was really very much better at it than I was, and even told me about some of the power-ups and techniques that I didn't know about!

I had told him that we could play until my free time ran out. When it did I was half way along level 11 and he had just started it. But I was on my last life and he hadn't lost any yet!

While we were getting ready for bed he said that he decided that he was going to carry on for the rest of his free time today to see how much further ahead of me he could get, before entering his code. He felt that was a fair completion as we would both have had the same time to play.

So he not only is he competitive, he has learned something else from Popcap games: how to be competitive and act fairly at the same time!

I Used My Dyson!

2007-08-22T08:52:00.000+01:00

Today is respite day, but we were a little bit behind in getting dressed as we were enjoying the book about the Myths behind Harry Potter. It is far more simple than the science books that we have been reading, but very interesting never the less.

As soon as Dxh got here and we got dressed I went over to see MDF. She is recovering very well from her most recent stroke, and we had a nice chat and cup of coffee.

Back in time for lunch for my boys, who were having a great time on the computer! Apparently Ram has found some cheats for the Lego Racers computer game. I have never seen him so excited!

Mind you, some of that is the excitement that he is going to be seeing his best friend Banana next week. He says he is not feeling so unhappy at the moment because he is so excited about the trip North. I am dreading it because I know how stressed he gets on the train, but he seems to be blocking that out at the moment and just dwelling on being there.

After lunch I managed to convince the boys to go to the disabled play park. This enabled me to get the vacuum out, for the first time since...I can't remember! I think I have only vacuumed three times since our cleaner left us! There was so much dog hair on the rug by the sofa that you couldn't see what colour that rug was! Arrow seemed a bit disconcerted with the vacuum. I wonder if she has forgotten what it is, or was worried that the boys were gone, or maybe with her hearing loss she was hearing strange things from it.

But what ever, I managed to clean up both rugs (we have mainly wooden floors) and get the dust off of the new sofa with the lovely new sofa attachment (I love Dyson!) and then get all the sawdust off the floors as well. It looks like a new house!

I know that many people won't get how exciting it is to use a vacuum, but when you can't because of a child's disability, these little things suddenly become very exciting!

When they came back from the play park Ram started watching Raven but you could see that he was still very hyper. Dxh told me that there was another family there who had a young boy who was deaf, a 16 year old who was deaf and autistic and living in a care home, and the older boys carer from the care home.

This carer got talking to them, and told them about how he had been in a bike accident at age 15, was in a comma for months, but then made a complete recovery. Apparently Ram listen attentively and even interrupted politely to ask questions! Apparently the story went on for 15 minutes! It shows that Ram has learned the art of conversation, at least he has learned how to apply it when there is something that he is interested in!

Another episode of Heroes tonight. At the end they said there is an art game on the BBC website so we will have to had a go at that tomorrow.

From a Science Book to Myths

2007-08-21T20:39:00.000+01:00

We finished The Science of Discworld this morning. It was a very thought provoking book, and it is certainly not the sort of science that I was taught in school! I was taught what they call 'lies-to-children' in the book. Why is it that people assume that just because a child is younger than an adult they can't understand the real world!

It was then off to swimming. Ram is more and more anxious every time we go. He thinks it is partly because we didn't go last week, but it is also because it was noisy in the changing rooms.

When we got into the pool area he needed to just sit on the sit for a while, and was making funny noises, just like the other disabled people that swim in this session, only none of them were there yet so he couldn't have been imitating them!

We finally got into the water and went into the routine. We always start out playing ball with the woggles, a game we call woll! We start gently and after a few minutes Ram is back to his old self.

After swimming we went to the shops. I had three things I needed to buy. I told Ram last night while we were getting ready for bed and asked him to help me remember them. He made up a story: Captain Hook was cleaning the boat while eating bread. Can you guess what it was we had to buy?

Some cup hooks for the new kitchen shelves, a dustpan (nice metal one that won't break!) and some yeast for the breadmaker!

Ram managed the little supermarket but only just. It was a good thing I only needed yeast there. He was ok in the ironmongers too, and seems much better now that we don't have to stop in the greengrocers anymore.

This afternoon he went back to The Sims. I think the main thing he is getting from this at the moment is reading practice. He has to read all the information about each item he buys and there are some difficult words in there.

This evening we watched The Beginner's Guide to the Cosmos, and had a good laugh at the VLT. At first I thought that they were BLT and thought it was a bacon, lettuce and tomato! But Ram informed me it stands for Very Large Telescope.

You would have thought that the BBC had arranged this series to run just now because we were reading The Science of Discworld! It is amazing how it has worked out. Or as Ram likes to say, it must be serendipity!

We started another book this evening. This one isn't a science of but it is a similar book. This one is The Magical Worlds of Harry Potter by David Colbert and not authorised by J.k. Rowling!

Instead of being about the science behind the book it is about the myths and magic. It looks like J.K. Rowling really did a lot of research. Some of it we are saying, 'Of course they were named after a Greek God!' and other bits are completely new!

I can see that this will lead onto some new things to learn about!

An Educational Day of Computer Games

2007-08-20T20:56:00.000+01:00

Often people worry that if left to their own devices their children would play computer games all day.

Ram is one of those children! But just because he is playing computer games all day doesn't mean to say he isn't learning. In fact, setting aside anything he might have learned from playing The Sims today, he has also did the following:

1.Read more of The Science of Discworld and discussed it with me.
2.Ordered a birthday present for his Dad (won't say what it is incase Dxh is reading this!
3.Read a couple of newspaper articles.
4.Discussed the weather and Hurricane Dean
5.helped me eat a home-made Lemon Drizzle cake (refuse to help bake it!)
6.Watched Newsround after Raven.
7.Listened to The Funny Thing on Radio 4 which came from the Edinburgh Festival so we discussed that as well.
8.Watched Enemies of Reason by Richard Dawkins.

All this while playing The Sims all day!

I got The Sims for him because people say that it is good for Aspies to play as it helps them to understand relationships. Well, this Aspie is playing with a single character, and goes around setting the other people on fire! He says it is fun because you get to see The Grim Reaper!

I don't like it because the characters actually scream! But I know if I make too much fuss about it he will want to do it all the more, so I have just told him that I don't like it and I don't want to see it. When he sets people on fire I leave the room. It won't take long for him to give up doing that!

A Very Educational TV Day

2007-08-18T16:17:00.000+01:00

After the computer all day yesterday we have television all day today! But just because we watched television all day doesn't mean to say that learning didn't take place.

We started by watching three things that we had recorded from the night before that were part of the Stephen Fry weekend. We watched Stephen Fry: 50 Not Out last night, then watched an episode of A Bit of Fry and Laurie, The Young Ones, and Blackadder Goes Forth. These three cover social studies, and history.

Then we watching two episodes from some time ago from Channel 4 about finding and keeping Au Pairs. This too would cover social studies, as well as psychology.

Then we started a drama about Turing and the Codebreakers but Ram didn't find that one interesting so we left it. We then went on to watching Shopping for England which was from the Edwardian series on BBC 4 from a few months ago. This was about the rise of the department store in England, especially Selfridge's, and the parallel rise of the middle classes. Definitely historical that one!

After that we went back to ancient history and watching Gladiator's Graveyard which was about how archaeology has explained the life of gladiators. By then it was time for the film Meteor which tied in nicely with The Science of Discworld. We had been reading only that morning about the K/T boundary and how a meteor may or may not have contributed to the extinction of dinosaurs, and it was interesting to see how a meteor might impact upon Earth today.

There was also some historical value in this film as it takes place during the Cold War era. In fact it is strange to think back to my childhood and remember how it was affected by the Cold War, and see the parallels today with the effect that climate change is having on people.

We then went back to recorded material and watched Silent Britain, which was about silent films in the UK which are often over looked by the American giants such as Chaplin and so on.

During this time I knew that I needed to stay close to Ram. He was very quiet and subdued. I decided to try out making Celtic Knotwork designs from a website recommended by someone on the He-special email list. But at one point even though Ram was sitting beside me, he felt that I still wasn't giving him enough attention. He was jealous of a Celtic knot!

Every time I tried to start drawing he would nudge my arm, so I put my work down for a while and he climbed on my knee and we carried on watching TV. After a while he seemed satisfied and he went off into his 'dog kennel' to watch TV and I went back to drawing knots.

Ram wasn't totally idle himself all day. He did spent some time making a Lego model based on a model of a dinosaur that he had.

(ignore the date on the photo. We have a camera that is living in the past!)

We ended the day by watching the second part of an interview with Stephan Fry, before going to bed and reading more of The Science of Discworld.

You would think that a whole day sitting watching TV would mean that without the exercise that everyone says children need, Ram would find it hard to go to sleep. But it is the opposite! He went to sleep quite easily this evening!

State of Mourning

2007-08-17T16:16:00.000+01:00

After two days of no computer today was computer all day! But Ram does seem to be happier at the moment now that I have finished unpacking the kitchen. Actually, there is still one more box but don't tell him!

Today as Ram was in the study I was able to do some serious sorting out in preparation for getting the rest of the new book shelves up. The first lot has taken all the boxes of unspun wool and other craft items off the floor which will give us enough room to get things off the shelves, take down part of the old shelves, then fill them up again before going onto the next lot.

In my tidying up, I found a newspaper from a year ago. I had a quick read of it and found a really lovely sounding recipe for lemon drizzle cake. Ram loves the sourness of lemon and I am always disappointed with lemon cakes so I hope this one will be better.

I got a bit tearful this afternoon when someone sent some photos of their children who had taken part in musical. I was really excited for her and her children as she must be so proud of them, but I started thinking about how Ram would never be able to do that. In fact he looked over at the photos of the cast and said, 'Yuck, too many people!' and went back to what he was doing.

Sometimes we have to mourn for the children we don't have.

Trauma at the Hands of TEM

2007-08-16T16:14:00.000+01:00

Today is respite day, but Ram woke early enough for us to get some reading in. The part of the book, (the Science of Discworld 1) that we are reading about global warming. It is great to read something that is based on Science rather than things written by the media, which always seems to have an agenda which isn't necessarily telling the truth, or the government, whose agenda definitely isn't about telling the truth!

It is sometimes hard to see the forest for the trees, and global warming is definitely one of those things that has to be viewed from a distance so that you can see how the Earth has evolved. We have had the world both hotter than it is now, and colder, and somehow humans taking the credit for the current climate change looks rather silly when put into the context of the millions of years that the Earth managed it without us!

This morning Dxh needed to discuss the renovation of the home automation system that runs the house, with an electrician. Perhaps I should say a bit about this system as it ties in with energy conservation. When we set out to convert this barn 14 years ago, we wanted to take advantage of modern technology to help conserve energy. At that time, that is what self-builders were talking about when it came to home automation. But what has happened is that the techno-junkies have hijacked the concept and home automation now seems to mean home cinemas, flat screen televisions in every room, networks of music and video transmission in every room, mood lighting and being able to ring up the house from the office to make sure that your electric cappuccino maker has a cup of coffee ready for you when you get home!

In our barn it means something very different. It is about saving energy, not using extra. So instead of mood lighting, we have lights that turn themselves off after a certain amount of time in rooms where people usually forget to turn them off, such as the downstairs cloakroom. We have the heating system running all year round so that the house is kept at a constant temperature in the background, on the basis that is it more energy efficient to keep a house at a reasonable temperature than to let it get very cold, and then have to reheat the whole thing. This works especially well with the solid stone walls and the underfloor heating. And we do have music in every room – we just have to carry the portable radio with us!

So, back to today. The arrangement was that Ram would stay upstairs with me while the Dxh and The Electrickery Man (TEM) did their stuff. There was never any question of them coming upstairs but never the less Ram became extremely agitated when he arrived. I was reading aloud to him, and he just sat there, with the colour drained out of him, rocking gently and saying 'baaaa' constantly. Eventually he had to climb into my lap!

After TEM left the house Ram took about 20 minutes to calm down. Eventually he did and was able to disengage from me and go back to playing with Dxh.

He was very hyper after that. He is often hyper when Dxh is here. Eventually Dxh got him outside and they did their usual mysterious game involving empty bottles and trampolines! Today was too cold for sponges!

While they were happily playing I managed a phone call to Ursula to discuss some of the arrangements for our trip up there. In particular the food situation. Ram has become more and more picky recently and if a trip is to go smoothly there needs to be something that he can eat. One particular problem is picnics. He doesn't eat sandwiches so we had to think of what he could have. Luckily he will eat a baguette with brie in it.

We watched TV this evening and it was nice to have Ram not even turn on his computer for the second day running! It also made getting to bed easier. It means that we get upstairs earlier so that I don't fall asleep in the middle of a chapter of our book!

Action From Yesterday's Talk

2007-08-15T08:25:00.000+01:00

The talk we had last night must have been spot on because this morning after reading for a while and getting dressed, when I mentioned helping me carry down some boxes he said ok!

I went down to make his breakfast (the usual 'warm bread and mingmight'!) and I could hear some thumping going on. It went across the floor upstairs and then started down he stairs! I went over to check and there he was, standing halfway down the stairs, backwards, supporting a large carton!

He told me that he had found a good way of getting the box down the stairs without having to pick it up, as it was too big for him to pick up! That's my boy! Always able to solve a practical problem, but hopeless at remember to brush his teeth or go to the toilet!

He brought down a couple more cartons, then had some breakfast. Afterwards while I started unpacking he brought down the rest! But he really couldn't help put things on shelves, he just couldn't manage that bit.

He went off and wondered around aimlessly for a while, and then the post came with the DVD which happened to be Blackadder goes Forth!

This was just the chilling out device that Ram needed. I was able to carry on unpacking while he watched the complete series – twice!

Twice is all he needs to repeat all the best lines. But it also gave him a look at trench warfare and the futility of it all. I was able to tell him about his great-grandfather who lived through the trenches, and about some of the terrible things that went on. I always cry at the end of it, so that was another opportunity to explain about emotions and why some people feel them and how they feel them.

We finished the evening with Heroes again. He is really enjoying it, and it is leading to some interesting conversations. I can use them both to gage how much he is understanding, and also to exercise his imagination the 'what do you think will happen next week' type questions!

We Found the Problem!

2007-08-14T08:21:00.000+01:00

Well, part of the problem I think. It is so hard to really get to the bottom of these things as there may be more than one thing in play, and just getting Ram to discuss things is difficult enough.

This evening we started the conversation a little earlier about what it upsetting him so much. Ram had had 24 hours to think about it. Because of his processing problems, sometimes it take that long or longer to be able to think about something and to find the words to describe it.

Ram finally told me that even through the carpenters are gone, because not everything is back in the kitchen there is still a problem. He is having to get used to the kitchen in the first place. Every time he comes into the kitchen he has to get used to it again, and because I keep slowly moving things in, it is different every time so he has to get used to it all over again!

So we discussed how we could work around this. I explained that I couldn't be with him during the day and also unpack the kitchen. After letting him think about this for a while I suggested that he help me. He said that he didn't know where things would go. I proffered that if he helped me put things on the shelves he would find out and maybe remember where they go!

Ram didn't think that he could cope with that, but he did think that he could carry some of the boxes downstairs for me while I put things on the shelves.

We also talked about puberty. Well, I talked about puberty and he listened! I explained that sometimes as you grow up it takes time for the hormones to catch up and stableise and that this can lead to people feeling moody sometimes. He took that all in, but didn't make any comment.

I won't dwell on that too much, as I know the thought of change in himself is a difficult for him to cope with as is change in the environment around him. But at least he knows what to expect!

I am really glad that we always read in bed before going to sleep. It means that he has time to relax after difficult talks such as this one. There is nothing like cuddling up close and listening to a heavy going science book talking about the origins of life on planet Earth!

Closer to the Problem

2007-08-13T20:47:00.000+01:00

We had another difficult day for Ram. Nothing was happening,but it was clear he was stressed and unhappy.

He spent a lot of time on the computer but not all of it was wasted. He now had his own Lego page!

When we went up to bed, we went into the bathroom as usual. He has his strict routine, as set out on the wall chart, of going to the toilet, brushing his teeth, and then washing his hands. I find that this is always a good time to chat with him, In fact, because our family had family meetings in the bathroom when I was a child, I made sure that when I designed the barn rather than have lots of little en suite bathrooms, I put in one large family bathroom with a comfy chair in it. And it works a treat!

So this evening I told Ram that I had two questions for him. I wanted him to listen to both of them before he answered them. The first was, 'Are you happy at this point in time?' and the second was, 'Are you generally happy?'

I then asked him again singly. To the first he said yes, because he had just figured out a joke! But when I asked the second he went all quiet, and said he was too tired to answer.

I think we might be getting closer to what the problem is for Ram.

The Perseids

2007-08-12T20:34:00.000+01:00

We saw them!

Ram didn't want to go outside again because he thought it was too cold, but as he was happy on his computer he was happy for me to go out.

I put a winter coat on and went out with a blanket and didn't see anything for about 15 minutes. Then I saw three big ones in a row! I couldn't help myself when I shouted 'Wow!'

It was truly amazing!

I ran in and got Ram and he must have been infected by my excitement as he agreed to put some warm clothes on and come out. He put on my big sheepskin slippers and a winter coat and I gave him the woollen blanket.

Of course we didn't see anything for a while, and then he thought he saw one, but then we saw another big one! There was no wonder if it was one or not, it was huge! After that he was excited about it and we stayed out for about another 20 minutes!

He developed his own way of counting them: small ones were worth ¼, larger ones ½ and the really good ones were one. He added them all up and got seven! Of course there were much more than that but that is how he counted them.

We were very luckily to see this many because it was only 11 o'clock. We have tried the last few years but the weather was always cloudy.

I am glad that he did see them because next time I suggest that we go out and see them he will believe me when I say they are worth seeing!

Interestingly, as we were going to bed we discussed how we used to go out at night with the big telescope and look at the planets. I remember seeing Jupiter and some of its moons, and Saturn and its rings. Ram saw them too, but he would have been around 4 at the time, but he doesn't remember at all!

It reminded me of a friend of mine who is an excellent pre-school teacher and a very wise women. She said that there wasn't much point of taking pre-school children off to museums and expensive trips to London, because they won't remember any of it. It is much better to wait until they are older so that they remember and appreciate it more.

I have no doubt that Ram will remember the Perseids now!

Family Meeting is a Success

2007-08-11T20:09:00.000+01:00

We had our monthly family meeting today. These are really going well. It gives everyone a chance to say things. Today we discussed how many socks Ram can manage to put on, the new routines around the new sinks in the kitchen and utility room, (I can highly recommend having a separate sink for washing dishes from food preparation!) discussed our visit next month to our friends house and what Ram is worried about (people talking to him, noticing him, and people in general!) and then was the final announcement – we were going to have a day off from working on the kitchen and study!

Dxh wasn't too happy about this but I could see that Ram was really so very stressed, and Dxh as well, that I thought we needed it.

And I am glad we did! We had a lovely barbecue lunch, with Ram and Dxh having a sponge fight while I was cooking. Then after we finished eating we got out our good old Philips Science Encyclopaedia and looked up the periodic table. It is amazing how much more sense it makes in daylight! Then after my nap Ram and I got into our bathing suites and braved the pool.

It isn't a big pool, just 10 feet across, but because the weather has been so cold this summer we haven't been in much, and the water in it is cold too. We decided it was too cold to actually go down into the water so we walked around and around in circles for a while. Then when Ram wasn't looking I grabbed a sponge and threw it at him!

That of course lead to a great sponge fight! Sadly, somehow, Dxh had managed to 'forget' his swim trunks so he was in charge of Ram's little video camera.

We then had some fun editing the video and sending it to friends. So even on a hot summers day there are things to learn!

In the evening we watched Parallel Worlds – A User's Guide. It was a bit of fun and ties in nicely with the book we are reading at the moment, The Science of Discworld.

And more education, this time the Perseids! I had set up the garden chairs before hand, and when I was so tired that I could hardly keep my eyes open (about 10!) we went outside. I told Ram that it was cold and that he would need something on his feet, but he refused to put shoes on. We took our blankets out but before long he was too cold and went back in. Although he said I could stay out I could see him pacing back and forth inside, not knowing what to do, so I gave up.

I just hope that the weather is ok for tomorrow!

Long Chains

2007-08-10T20:01:00.000+01:00

Ram was definitely delicate this morning. Even though he was able to watch our usual Thursday night comedy slot on BBC 2, he still couldn't get to sleep very well.

In fact he was so stressed that when Willow rang to see if Woody could come up Ram actually burst into tears and said no! I don't think he has ever said no to Woody dropping in. I knew it was probably the last time that they would see each other this summer as Woody was going to his grandparents for two weeks, but I couldn't tell Ram that because I knew it would put too much pressure on him.

It did show me just how stressed Ram has become. This needs some serious thought.

One good thing we did do this morning is start our next book which is The Science of Discworld. It is written by both Terry Pratchett and a couple of serious science writers. It is set up in a really fun way. One chapter is about the wizards on Discworld who are running an experiment in creating a new world which happens to be Round World, and the next chapter is about the science of our round world, and it alternates like that throughout the whole book.

I like the 'science of' books because they don't appear to be too educational, and yet you can learn an awful lot out of them. We have read a couple by Roger Highfield, The Science of Christmas and The Science of Harry Potter. We have also read Sophie's World which is a similar set up except it is a novel in which a philosopher teaches a girl about philosophy.

Enid Blyton, who was an educationalist first before becoming the author of some much children's fiction, must have known that this technique was a good one for teaching children without appearing to. She wrote several nature books in this style. One was about three children make friends with an old retired naturalist who takes them on two nature walks a month, describing to the children what they see. So from the point of view of Ram it is a work of fiction, but at the same time he learns by proxy the same things that the children in the story learn.

I am going to be learning a lot here too. It is a book aimed at adults, and is heavy going in places, but Ram seems to take it all in, and while I am reading to him in bed he is visibly calm and less stressed than when he is up.

Post script:

Last night after we turned the lights out, Ram started asking me about long chain hydrocarbons. I did do organic chemistry at university level, but that was 25 years ago and I haven't done anything since so I am a bit rusty. But not only that, we were both half asleep! So I was talking, and drifting close enough to sleep that I kept getting the valances of carbon and oxygen mixed up, and Ram was drifting close enough to sleep that he was mixing up what I was saying.

In the end as I was going to sleep, I heard him say, 'You can stop talking now mum. Oh, you already have!'

A Very Unhappy Ram

2007-08-09T19:48:00.000+01:00

Respite day today, and a busy one at that! We finished The Last Hero this morning, which was good timing because we have been handing the books onto Dxh to read too. It is a shame that he doesn't live here because he could listen to me reading aloud too!

It was one of those days where I didn't seem to get much done, and Ram just got more stressed. They played upstairs with the new Lego quite a bit. I believe that they play with dice just like Dxh would have done as a child with his toy soldiers. Ram has marked out what I do with him, which is read, and what Dad does, which is play some sort of game outside, and the Lego war games. I used to feel a bit left out and want to know how to play so I could carry on with Ram when Dxh left, but I now know that often Aspies make these distinctions.

This can make withdrawing a child from school difficult sometimes, because the child sees the mother as a mother, not a teacher. But the best way round this is to home educate autonomously and in an unstructured manner. That way there is no difference between education and life, it just goes on all the time. I think because I have home educated Ram from birth and he has never gone to school, that is something we don't have a problem with, but he still has things that only I can do, and only Dad can do.

In the afternoon I was trying to put up some of the new shelves in the study. They are the Ivar range from Ikea. I found out that another home educator has been using this range for around 20 years, which makes me feel very good about choosing this range! Dxh kept wanting to help, but I could see that Ram was getting more and more stressed, so I had to say no thank you. But then I got into trouble and needed an extra two pairs of hands!

It needed two people to get the second set of shelves attached to the first. The we had a bit of a collapse! Luckily no one was hurt. We then realised that they needed to be closer to the corner of the wall for stability, which meant moving the two stacks over by about a foot, negotiating the zone valves for the underfloor heating that were sticking out of the floor. We managed to start to move it, but then it got stuck because there was still a carton on the floor. I had thought it would have fitted into the three foot gap between uprights but it didn't!

We luckily had our 'rescue ferret' on hand! This is what Dxh calls Ram when he has to crawl into a small space to retrieve something that is lost. I think it helped Ram to feel better because we weren't just making a little job for him to do, but we really needed him!

Afterwards I sent them back up to play Lego. Later Ram wanted to come downstairs, but just then the plumber arrived to plumb in the last sink. Ram saw him and panicked and ran back upstairs. Poor boy. It took a bit of reassurance to get him back downstairs after the plumber left.

We then had to have an early supper because it was the annual evening at the local adventure playground for our local autism support group. Ram was really confused because Dxh stayed on to do some work on the wiring of the house, in preparation for renewing the home automation system.

What with plumbers coming late and unexpectedly in the day, Dxh still around, and Ram being generally stressed, we were late getting there. We arrived just before 7 and it closed at 8!

I would have liked to say that Ram enjoyed it, and he did somewhat, but I ended up talking to several people about home education, and he hated me talking to people. He tolerated the first person because I had actually arranged to talk to her and he knew I was going to do it. But then as I was chatting to another mum while I kids were waiting in the queue for the zip line, she just happened to say that she was having so much trouble at his school that she was thinking about home education! And then a third person came up to us. She already home educates but wanted to introduce herself because we already knew each other from the emails lists! The more I talked the more stressed Ram became.

All too soon it was time to go, and Ram was in tears. He felt we hadn't been there long enough, which was true because we were so late, but there was nothing I could do.

All the way home in the car he was talking about how everything was stupid and all people were stupid and he hated everything. I know that this is the equivalent of the toddler tantrum, so I just quietly let it run its course. But it is worrying. Ram seems to be getting deeper and deeper into the stress and is becoming more and more unhappy.

More Sheep in the House

2007-08-08T19:41:00.000+01:00

We started with reading The Last Hero again, and stayed in bed longer than usual as the book is so interesting. I really must try to find a book about de Vinci, especially one with the drawings. I bought a book about Escher from Bibliophile and just left it lying around until Ram found it. He loves it and often spends time looking through it, and will then come running up to us to point out something that he has noticed for the first time.

I guess I have a soft spot for Escher myself, as a family I worked for when I was a Nanny had an original Escher. They also had a couple of Hockney's. Interestingly, they weren't particularly wealthy, just happened to be in the right place at the right time to buy these paintings and etchings. I used to love to just stand and look at them, but of course I now know that I am a visual learner.

I think Ram is too, but I have never managed to get him to a gallery. We would only be able to manage it if it was a private showing with only us in it! But he does like looking at art books, and that I can supply him with. It makes me realise that those kids who hate going to galleries or looking at art books probably aren't visual learners and don't get anything out of it.

We watched some TV that we needed to catch up with. We have a duel tuner hard disk recorder, with a lot of space, but it is totally full! We made the mistake of just recording things to it at first, regardless as to whether we wanted to save them for ever or not. So now there are a lot of things on there that we want to 'save to tape' so we can keep them forever. Ram really does go back and watch old episodes of Horizon!

I managed to get Ram to come back to reading this afternoon, which was good. I think we are starting to break the computer obsession now – I hope! And this evening we managed to eat outside! It was lovely and warm - one of the first time this summer! We like to sit out there with the radio so that we can listen to 'the funny thing' on Radio 4.

This evening Ram did go on the computer but we stopped to watch Heroes. Ram is really enjoying it, along with the programme afterwards about how Heroes is made.

We then went up to bed with his new sheep! Not a real one of course! Ram has always slept on a sheepskin. When he got too big for his baby one, we bought an adult size one. But they are made from shorn sheep so it isn't soft wool against the skin. Ram won't wear pyjamas or anything else on his body at night, and hasn't done since he was two. Back then all he would wear was his nappy.

When we went to the country show last month, we came across a stall selling sheep wool products and they had a child size skin that was very very soft. So we thought about what to do and I decided that I could buy two and sew them together. They were £50 each, but that is what DLA is for!

They arrived today, and I aired them out for most of the day. I was worried that Ram might not like the smell. I needn't have! He climbed into bed, snuggled down, and said that he thought he had died and gone to heaven!

He then quickly added that he didn't really mean that!

I just hope it does help him get to sleep as he has been having real problems over the past month.

My Budding Engineer

2007-08-07T17:18:00.000+01:00

Today was disabled swimming session day. For some reason Ram was very stressed when we got there. I really don't know why. He sat at the side of the pool for some time before I was able to get him in, and even then he was clingy and whining.

Eventually I was able to get him to laugh and he was better, but not his usual self. I think it may be all the build up of stress having the carpenters here for the kitchen over the last two weeks. Even when he was more relaxed he still couldn't cope with me talking to other people, although he doesn't see to mind me talking with some of the disabled people who don't make a lot of sense! I guess he doesn't feel threatened by them. But I still can't talk more than a couple of minutes.

Afterwards we went for our usual shop with Ram in his buggy. He must really look something with his dark glasses, and his hat over his eyes! I will have to get someone to take a photo of us!

Now that we are getting our vegetables delivered by a box scheme, we don't have to go into the greengrocer and Ram was much happier for that. We bought a bun from the bakery and sat in the sun and ate it.

When we got back home there was a big parcel on the door step. Ram was all excited because he thought that it might be the Lego he ordered, and was disappointed to find that it was a new slow cooker.

Ram will only eat ham, fried like bacon, hence the name hambacon. It is much cheaper to buy a gammon and cook and slice it myself. I had a wonderful proper slow cooker of my mother-in-laws which finally gave up the ghost. It must be about 30 years old so it has done well. I found it was brilliant at cooking the gammon, as well as the dog food we make, so I bought another one. Sadly they don't make them like they used to, so it was a compromise. And it wasn't Lego!

But then, imagine Ram's delight when the Parcel Force man came in the afternoon! Yes, it was the Lego!

He immediately set to work making it all up.

I know that Ram spends a lot of time playing with Lego, but there is another way of looking at it: he is honing his engineering skills!

Life After Harry Potter

2007-08-06T20:30:00.000+01:00

We are going through a sort of manic mourning here now that Harry Potter is over. We still had some questions to be answered, not necessarily only about the last book but Ram had some questions about some earlier books too, and we found the Wikipedia pages for Harry Potter really good. We even watched an interview with her on the Internet.

But just because Harry Potter is over,doesn't mean to say that we are not reading together. We started The Last Hero by Terry Pratchett this morning. If anyone is thinking of buying this book, do try to get the hardback as it is an illustrated novel and the illustrations are brilliant and the larger format of hardback really does them justice.

It is interesting to see what they think the characters look like, and comparing it to what we think they should look like. This book's motifs include Leonardo di Vinci and the drawings of Paul Kidby really do that justice. Another motif is the space shuttle programme, which tied in nicely with the current flight of the shuttle, and Apollo 13. So once again we have used a novel to introduce other learning into the mix.

While I was having my power nap Ram started watching the DVD rental which is Blackadder 2. He loved it, probably because his dad and I often quote things from it. My favourite is when Nursie says that the only decision Queenie ever had to make was right breasty dumpling or left breasty dumpling. I used those very words on Ram on his first night of life!

As usual he got stuck watching the DVD and ended up watching the entire series through twice. But again I was able to do a few things around the house.

We listened to the 'funny thing' on Radio 4 during supper as usual. Ram does really enjoy listening to them. At the moment on Monday's it is Just a Minute, and 'hesitation, repetition and deviation' are finding their way into our everyday language.

We finished the day with more of The Last Hero. It is hard to read this book anywhere else other than cuddled up in bed together so that we can both see the illustrations. Well, cuddled up in bed at any time is always great!

Finished Harry Potter and the Dealthy Hallows

2007-08-04T16:04:00.000+01:00

Need I say more?

2007-08-03T16:00:00.000+01:00

We have spent the entire day reading Harry Potter – until 4 in the afternoon when my voice finally gave out!

Ram is now watching an old Horizon programme about how to commit the perfect murder. Very appropriate!

Ram even wanted to go to bed early so that we could read more!

A Visit With Woody

2007-08-02T15:59:00.000+01:00

More Harry Potter today. Ram is finally getting into it and wanted to carry on with reading it rather than play on the computer! I am really glad because I want to see how it ends!

We were supposed to go down to Ram's friend Woody (they have a wood next to their house!) this morning, but they were not sure when we could come because they also had to pick up Woody's sister Pony Girl (guess what she is into!) from a sleep over.

So we had to wait for a phone call to tell us that they were home. It came later than we were expecting so I jumped up and said, 'Time to go to Woody's' and started to get ready. Ram got his shoes on and we jumped in the car.

As we were driving down the road I noticed Ram was a bit quiet, so I looked over at him. He was as pale as a new shorn lamb! I then realised that I had moved to fast for him and he was in a panic!

When we got to the house I had to explain to Woody's mum that I had misjudged the speed at which Ram could cope with the transition. I had assumed that he would be ok with that sudden movement, because he was expecting to go, just didn't know when, but I was wrong. Luckily he was ok after a few minutes, and was eager to play on the Wii with Woody.

I followed Willow, Woody's mum, into the utility room, and on the way back to the kitchen for a cup of tea I noticed Woody in the sitting room on his own and no sign of Ram! I asked where Ram was and he didn't know, then we heard this little voice from upstairs!

Ram had assumed that the Wii was upstairs because that is where it is in his other friend's house, and he hadn't noticed Woody going into the sitting room!

We finally got them sorted out and they settled in for a good game while the mums had a welcome cup of tea.

The rest of the time today was spent reading guess what – Harry Potter!

2007-08-01T15:58:00.000+01:00

I had hoped that today we could get on with reading Harry Potter and we did manage two chapters in bed this morning, but once out of bed Ram was back on the computer again.

I think that he took comfort in the computer while the carpenters were here, and still hasn't relaxed enough to do other things. Not only that I think he is still really stressed about the whole thing.

But it has given me time to catch up on my own paperwork. I have been working so hard on the DfES consultation on home education guidelines that I have neglected some of my own work. I also put away all the information I had printed off. I was amazed at how much paper I went through!

Luckily I didn't fine any overdue unpaid bills lurking anywhere, I have managed to pay them all on time!

Finally Started Harry Potter 7!

2007-07-31T12:14:00.000+01:00

We finished reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince this morning just as my friend down the road a arrived with her son to put her frozen food in my deep freeze She needed to defrost her deep freeze, but I I won't embarrass her by telling you why she needed to do this!

Luckily I managed to get Ram dressed, and was able to go downstairs to make a cup of tea for us. Unfortunately because I wasn't upstairs with Ram he forgot to go to the toilet! Unless I am there with him to get him dressed he can't manage to remember what it is he does in the morning, or the evening for that matter.

We had a cup of tea together on the patio with me in my nightie and dressing gown! I had been up since 5.45 (Arrow had woken me!) and had breakfast but I hadn't even brushed my teeth! I think being a home educator and not having to worry about getting up everyday and going out, I get blaze about things like getting dressed.

My friend went back home and left her son to play with Ram which was nice. They started off on the trampoline but soon ended up on the computer as the day got hotter. We dropped Ram's friend back home for lunch went onto the petrol station to buy another sponge. This time we got a really big one so that we can surprise Dxh when he comes next and get him really wet!

We finally started Potter and the Deathly Hallows this afternoon. It was so hard to get Ram off the computer when he goes on it while I have my nap, He didn't stop playing until around 3.30, so we only got an hour in before it was time to watch Roman Mysteries! I think I want to read this book more than he does.

This evening he was back on the computer again. Even the dog got bored and took herself off to bed, and if Ram doesn't come soon I am going to go up and carry on reading the book myself!

My Boy Read Another Book!

2007-07-30T12:08:00.000+01:00

Today was respite day so Dxh was here for Ram, and I was busy running around tying to buy lamp wicks. We have had so many power failures that our oil lamp wicks are running low. I always forget to buy more, until the winter comes and we have more power failures and then of course it is too late!

Unfortunately it seems that there is no call for wicks for domestic oil lamps so I guess it will be onto the Internet to find some. But I did get the varnish for the kitchen and a few other bits.

When I got back Ram and Dxh were having a great time. They had gone down to the petrol station and bought a sponge and were throwing it at each other! Ram was completely soaked and Dxh was pretty wet too! They were both in their own little Daddy-son world having a wonderful time. I am sure that most fathers don't get that close to their children. I think Dxh gets quite a lot out of being the respite carer. Almost worth being a single parent just for that!

Note I said almost worth it!

This evening I had a few things to do outside and when I came in Ram was happily reading a book to himself! He was reading the Bionicle book Makuta's Revenge, so it was hardly high brow literature, but for a boy who a couple of years ago couldn't read at all, I am really pleased.

But of course I can't get too excited about it or he will go off reading all together!

Nature is Cruel

2007-07-29T09:11:00.000+01:00

We have had another power failure, and there isn't a drop of rain, or lightning or wind in sight!

One of our neighbours has decided to put in some complaints about these failures and to follow them up until they stop, and finally the electricity company are taking him seriously. It seems that now that most power isn't supplied by local companies that know the area well, there is less maintenance around the overhead cables.

Of course all this is being discussed with and around Ram so at least he will be growing up knowing where his electricity is coming from!

We read Harry Potter 6 in the morning but in the afternoon Ram got stuck on the computer again. . He is still obsessed with the computer, even though the carpenters have left. He is still very stressed about the whole thing.

Of course some of this is educational. Ram has been studying The Trojan War again!

While he was on the computer I was able to do some more work on the response to the consultation on the guidelines for home education. It is hard work sometimes getting the ins and outs of home education and Statements and special educational needs. I feel like my brain is melting, but I know it will be worth it in the end as it will hopefully make the local authorities treat all children who home educate equally, whether they have SEN and statements or not.

This evening we got an emergency call from the farm! They needed to urgently take this years ducklings over to the main village pond as they had become poorly and were dying. Ram is still really fond of the ducks that we had in our garden, and thinks of Petra, George and Fred as his.

We rushed through our supper and then went over to help them round up the remaining ducklings that were still healthy. Ram was very good at it. We put them in a cardboard box and walked over to the pond and let them out. We stood and watched them for ages.

There is a goose on the pond and it is very protective. It helped Petra keep the ducklings with her – all except one!

One little one was clearly not as well as the others. It didn't have enough oil in the feathers to keep afloat, and made its way back to shore. It was clear that the other two ducklings were being rounded up every time they strayed, but both Petra and the goose left this poorly one on its own.

Nature may seem cruel, but it does have its reasons. By isolating the one poorly duckling I guess they were making sure that the other ducks didn't catch what ever it was that was afflicting it.

Typical Day of Learning

2007-07-28T20:35:00.000+01:00

Today being Saturday is family day, but that doesn't mean that education stops.

Dxh got here while we were still reading in bed. I had forgotten just how long Harry Potter 6 was!

We got dressed and went down to look at our wonderful new kitchen! It is still empty as I haven't finished the oiling yet. Dxh also had to tighten up some joints on the plumbing, so Ram got to learn a little more about plumbing.

We had a lovely lunch outside, for the first time in ages. It is a good thing too because the house is getting worse not better!

Then after my nap Dxh taught Ram how to dismantle a kitchen! All the old carcass of the kitchen was sitting outside and as they were forecasting rain again I wanted to get it in the garage. Then Ram asked if he could use my big mortar and pestle to crush up some dock leaves in case anyone gets stung by nettles.

I was busy putting yet more oil on the kitchen shelves when I realised that they had stopped curshing dock leaves and were playing on the trampoline. So I called out to ask if they had found a willing volunteer to try out their dock lotion. “Yes”, they shouted, “You”!

So I went out and stung myself, and sure enough the dock lotion worked!

After Dxh left we then settled down to watching The Day of the Triffids. We read the book a couple of years ago and Ram was really taken by it. We can't wait until next Saturday to see the rest of the series.

So it was a day of learning about building, or should I say demolishing, herbal remedies, and classic cult literature! Just another typical day of education in the life of a home educator!

So Tried

2007-07-27T20:34:00.000+01:00

The difference in Ram this morning, knowing that there were no carpenters coming, was remarkable! He did asked twice to make sure they were not coming then he bounced downstairs!

But this afternoon it caught up with him and he sort of collapsed in a chair, and didn't move all afternoon. He is so very tired.

I am very tired too as I haven't had any naps for nearly two weeks, but I decided not to have one today. When Ram asked why I told him that I felt he needed me more than I needed the nap. He gave me a little grin. That was all he could manage.

We spent the afternoon with me reading Harry Potter 6 to him, then in the evening he was on the computer. He has become obsessed with Dawn of War at the moment. I think he felt that if he concentrated on it, he could pretend that the carpenters weren't here. However, now that they are gone, he is still left with the obsession.

Oh well, at least it gives me time to alternate between putting coats of oil on the kitchen, and working on the consultation.

Peace at Last

2007-07-26T20:31:00.000+01:00

This should be the last day the carpenters are here thank goodness! Ram refused to come downstairs at all this morning, and at lunch time The Boss came round to talk to me. I had to tell him that I wasn't happy about the lack of communication between him and the carpenters, and it turns out that he lost the plans!

I was annoyed about this because I specifically had someone be with Ram while I went over all the measurements and plans so that I would be able to concentrate on Ram while the carpenters were actually putting things in. But best laid planes and all that!

While I was downstairs talking to The Boss Ram was upstairs shouting 'purple'! It is a measure of how stressed he is by how many random words he is shouting out! I don't think The Boss actually noticed and both he and the carpenters were amazed at how much work I have on my hands with Ram. Although it is nice to have that recognised, it isn't always useful. If I think about how much extra I have to do for Ram, I start to feel depressed!

I told The Boss that Ram had had enough and that what wasn't done by the end of today they won't be able to do. Luckily they were finished, except for the handles on the drawer, so the finally left!

Ram was able to come downstairs!

Now the hard work starts for me as I have to oil all the wood, then clean everything (the whole house is covered in wood dust) before moving everything back in.

I am actually looking forward to the next couple of days with no one else in the house. Hopefully Ram will now settle down.

My 30 Seconds of Joy

2007-07-25T20:29:00.000+01:00

It is respite day today and Dxh came over to be with Ram, which I am really pleased about as I have a few things to do.

I went over to see MDF this morning, which was as good for me as it was her. I needed to get away from Ram and his clingyness, and the frustration of the carpenters, and having no kitchen to work in. I am actually getting fed up of eating store bought pizzas and soup!

When I got back from MDF's I was nabbed by the carpenters who needed to know where a shelf was going to go. As soon as Dxh heard my voice he can rushing in and said that I should go and rescue Ram who was on the toilet!

For a moment I was overjoyed! Ram usually refuses to have a pooh if I am not here, because he will only let me wipe his bum. I thought it was brilliant progress that he got onto the toilet while I wasn't here and how lucky it was that he finished just as I got back!

But my joy was short lived. It turned out that he had been sitting there for 30 minutes.

He decided he needed to go at 12, and held it in until 12.30, but then couldn't hold it any longer so went to the toilet, but then when he was finished he would let his Dad wipe his bottom, and he wouldn't get up without doing it. I felt so sorry for him.

The kitchen is coming alone, albeit slowly, which is a good thing because I don't think that Ram can take much more.

While all this is going on I am working on the government consultation on the guidelines for home education, as well as writing to Beverley Hughes to try and counteract some ultra varies ideas that my local authority has about home education.

So much to do and so little time!

Safe in the Rain

2007-07-22T08:30:00.000+01:00

I still have some more that I want to load up about this week, but after seeing the early morning news about how badly Gloucestershire has been hit by the rain, I thought I would quickly let people know we are ok.

Gloucestershire is a big country and is roughly made up of three areas. The beautiful one is The Forest of Dean on the west side of the Severn River, which boarders Wales, the middle bit which surrounds the river Severn, and the eastern bit which is part of the Cotswolds. It is usually the middle bit that floods especially when the Severn bursts its banks, along with a few cities and towns which have drainage problems and rivers running through them.

We are in the Cotswolds bit, and our village has no rivers, streams or springs in it. In fact this was usually a disadvantage as the village often ran dry in the summer, and didn't have mains water until the mid 1960's!

It is a great home ed lesson to talk about this. I was lucky enough to be friends with one of the lovely old ladies who had lived here all her life, so I had first hand information about what it was like in the 1960s when mains electricity, water and sewage came to the village. I have been able to pass this on to the younger generation.

So what was a disadvantage in the past when we had dry weather, is now an advantage in this wet weather as we don't have problems with flooding.

With all the flooding stories in the news, this can sometimes alarm children on the spectrum, who may take it in, but won't necessarily be able to express their fear. Sometimes you think that they are not worried about something because they don't seem to be reacting, only to find that they have been dwelling on it for weeks!

On of the things we did to combat this, as flooding often comes up in discussions about global warming, was to get hold of a 'proper' atlas. These days geography seems to put more emphasis on social geography, but we found a lovely old senior school atlas in a charity shop that had proper physical geography maps in it.

We sat in bed late one night looking at the land levels and checking out where all our friends and family lived, and decided how far the sea level would have to rise before they were flooded. Luckily at the time most people Ram knew were living high enough that they wouldn't be flooded.

But now that Ursula has moved to the York area I may have to be a bit careful about that one!

I hope everyone in the flooded area is safe enough to look upon this as a learning experience.

This Too Shall Pass

2007-07-21T20:28:00.000+01:00

Ram is really suffering from the carpenters being in the house. He now doesn't even want to come downstairs so I am taking his food up to him.

The whole kitchen thing is taking longer than it is supposed to. The boss hasn't told the carpenters about all the shelves,and they didn't even know about one of the cabinettes that was supposed to be made in the workshop! This means that I am constantly having to come downstairs and talk to them, and each time Ram gets more and more upset.

We have started Harry Potter 6, so that we will be able to remember what happens before starting Harry Potter 7, so that is giving us something to do.

Other than that he is playing on his computer, but only when he can guarantee the men are not in the house. So when they go out to the van for lunch, Ram rushes downstairs to the computer.

I am getting tired because I can't have my power naps in the afternoon. Ram can't cope with me 'not being here' while I am having the nap while the carpenters are here. I think he is afraid that they might try to speak to him.

Oh well, as they say, this too shall pass!

Worth It in the End

2007-07-19T21:48:00.000+01:00

Today was respite day so the Dxh was here to sit with Ram while I got to put my feet up, have a coffee and read a magazine, have lunch with the girls and do a spot of retail therapy.

Only joking!

I know a lot of people think that is what we do with respite days, but the reality is much grubbier than that. Today I spent it in the garden. I managed to put up the rest of the rabbit fencing to keep the blighters out of my veggies, and plant out the ones that have been in pots in the green house waiting for the fence to go up.

It isn't that people with disabled kids wouldn't like a break like that now and again, but there is so much that you can't manage to do while caring for the kids that you end up running yourself ragged when you do get a break.

But I did get one special treat today. I managed a shower before Dxh went home! I haven't had one in ages and I was so covered in mud because it had started to rain as I was finishing up in the garden, that it was really appreciated!

I also had to make a couple of phone calls so when Ram decided to play outside I got to ring the supplier of the ankle supports to find out why they haven't sent me the return information. The supports were way too big for him, and they assure me that I can return them but somehow they have failed to give me the information!

I also had to admit defeat with the veggies and order a box from the local box delivery scheme. It will be more expensive but Ram is getting more and more distressed in the green grocer so I will get the veggies delivered for a while.

Sometimes when the stress gets too much over something I find that if I remove it, and leave it for a while, he will forget how stressful it was and we will be able to do it again.

It is actually the opposite to what some professionals recommend. They say that children should be forced to face their fears and not be allowed to run away. But in our experience the increased stress of forcing them to do what they find most stressful never goes away. But if you remove the source of stress, and then reintroduce it some time later, it is actually very successful.

As for Ram, I think he had a good day with his Dad. As the weather was nice for a change he was able to play outside but he had to avoid the carpenters, so it entailed taking the long way around the house to get back inside. And amazingly, he managed a swim in the pool! It is only a 10 foot one, but when you are only 10 years old and it is filled to over flowing because of the rain, it is still exciting.

The kitchen is starting to look like a kitchen again, but it is a pain to not have facilities to prepare food. It is lucky in a way that Ram has such a limited diet because it is easy to cater for him, but I miss having space to make things for myself.

Still, like getting the veggies delivered, it will be worth it in the end!

Too Many People

2007-07-18T21:45:00.000+01:00

Ram quickly ran downstairs quickly this morning and went straight into the study to avoid the carpenters. He really isn't happy about them being here. So it was breakfast and lunch in front of the computer!

He has started the Harry Potter game but it swapping between that and Dawn of War and Age of Empires. I am not sure what educational value Harry Potter and Dawn of War have, other than the usual eye hand coordination, logic skills, problem solving and sequencing, but at least Age of Empires also has historical information.

This afternoon we went to the home ed meet. It is supposed to mainly be for the older ones but four families of younger ones came too. Ram again found it too much with so many people. However he did enjoy the game of Necromunder that the older boys played.

After that I think he just needed some time alone in the woods. Unfortunately some other boys went in too. It isn't their fault, they just want to have fun too. In fact it is interesting that often people seek out Ram, even though he doesn't try to attract people!

I know that many people think that children need to be socialised, but forcing them to do something that they find so stressful that it can only serve to put them off. I will have to be careful to make sure that we don't tip the balance and find that he starts to refuse to go all together.

Ram was relieved to find that the carpenters were gone when we got home, but he still went into the study just in case!

Too many people at home ed meet, too many people at home. We can't win at the moment!

Do All Builders Lie?

2007-07-17T21:47:00.000+01:00

When we first moved into the barn, we knew that the kitchen and utility room were only temporary. So now 12 years later we are finally getting them finished!

We wanted it done after Christmas, so contacted a local carpenter, and commissioned him to do the work. He first said it would be done before Easter, then it was going to be after Easter, then I stressed it had to be done before the second week of July when our friends came to stay. I knew that they were cutting it close, but I believed them and was looking forward to getting Ursula to help me sort out the new kitchen.

Then came the phone call to say that they would like to start in the second week of July! I told them that was not acceptable, so they said they would start 8.30 Monday morning of the week after.

Then I got an email saying that it would be Tuesday. That suited me fine because I knew that Ram would need some time to recover and chill out after the busy week with friends. And indeed we did have a quiet day in on Monday.

So this morning I got dress straight away at 6 am when I got up, and was ready and waiting at 8.30. No one arrived, no emails or telephone call to say they were delayed. And Tuesday is swimming day and we have to be out of the house at 9.30!

I got Ram up and ready as normal, and at 9.25 just as we were putting shoes on, they arrived! I had to warn Ram that I might be annoyed as sometimes he picks up on this and more than once when he was little, when I have been having a go a builders (usually the neighbours builder's who kept blocking my drive) Ram will take up where I leave off!

I couldn't stay and get them settled I just said that I wasn't happy, explained where I was going and left.

I was rather relived when I got back to find that they hadn't cleared the house of valuables and left! They had actually cleared out the old kitchen. It was rather sad because I had not only designed it but built it too. All my lovely handwork sitting in the rain!

Ram was more stressed when swimming than usual and I can only think it was because of the carpenters. He couldn't cope with the greengrocers at all, but at least we did pick up his magazines. We are still getting the Horrible Science ones, and The Simpsons of course!

When we got home Ram went straight into the study and turned on the computer. He didn't even bother with him magazines, he just wanted to stay away from the men. I had the new Harry Potter game for him to play while the kitchen was being done and I expected him to dive into that but he didn't! I don't know why, but he went straight to his old games. I guess it was a comfort to him.

And then there was another builder that didn't turn – again! This one was to deal with some pointing around a window outside. The frustrating thing is that I could do all these things myself. I put the first kitchen in myself, making everything from scratch, none of those B&Q jobs for me, and I did the pointing of the stone work too, although not around this particular window. But caring for Ram is a full time job now so I can't be a builder too.

Just before we went up to bed I asked Ram if he would like to see the kitchen. I could see the look of panic on his face! But I explained that the men had gone home, and they would be back tomorrow so that if he wanted to see what they did he would have to see it now.

He finally did come with me to see it and had a good look around. It is only the frame that they have in, so it is quite easy to see how it is all going together.

We talked some more about it while we were cleaning our teeth. Ram said that he is more stressed than usual. On his stress scale of one to 10, he is normally 0 when in a deep sleep, one when dreaming, two to three when at home, four when getting ready to go out, five or six on our way and before swimming,. Any higher is for when he is not with me.

Tonight he said that he is four in the house, because of the men being here, and five if he has to be in the same room as them!

I only hope that they show up everyday now until they get the job done, and that the other builder gets in contact to say why he didn't show up.

I can't think that all builders lie about when they will turn up, but sometimes I do wonder!

Things Don't Always Go The Way You Want Them To

2007-07-15T20:42:00.000+01:00

You may have noticed that I haven't posted for a while. I have a really good excuse – I mean reason!

Last week my friend Ursula with her daughter Banana (Ram's best friend) and son Sheepy came to visit. For more info on them see my previous blog on the He-special website.

We normally all look forward to these visits, especially this time as it has been six months, but unfortunately this visit wasn't up to the usual standard. Quite possibly because it has been six months.

But there could be all sorts of other reasons. Ram and Banana are getting older, as is Sheepy. It was quite obvious that Ram and Sheepy went off together on the first day leaving Banana out, something that hasn't really happened before.

Also the mums were busy. Ursula brought down her laptop so that she could keep up with some marking she had to do, and I was busy trying to keep up with the http://www.freedomforchildrentogrow.org/update.htm government consultation on home education guidelines, not to mention rather a lot of cooking!

The house was also a bit different as we were having work done on the kitchen the following week. We arranged this just after Christmas, and they said it would be done before Easter, then after Easter, then they assured me it would definitely be done before the second week of July when Ursula was due to come. Time was marching on and I started ringing them once a week. It looked like they were going to do it the week before she came which would have been fine because we could have put everything back in the kitchen together. But no, they finally gave me the date of the second week of July!

We had started packing up the kitchen months ago, and Ursula helped me do a lot more of it too. So we had boxes all over the place, resulting in people having to step over things and I think this really unsettled the children too.

Finally on the last night Banana suggested we all play the card game Cheat. We really should have tried to do something like that sooner as the kids really enjoyed it. In fact we ended up playing the following morning before I took them back to the station!

We did have some nice moments. We took everyone over to the special needs play-park one afternoon. Dxh had come for lunch. Actually that was an interesting learning moment for Ram because at first he couldn't understand why his Dad would want to come and have a visit with his mum's friend! After lunch we bundled into two cars, with Ursula taking her knitting and me taking my drop spindle and some brown Jacobs fleece to spin, plus some yummy chocolate macaroons called cow pats, and some coconut ones too.

We must have looked the idea picture of domestic harmony. Well, for a little while at least!

We also went over to the farm as Petra the duck that lived with us two years ago before moving to the village pond had produced 8 ducklings right on time for their visit! Banana and Ram seem to have lost the excitement of the Farm but Sheepy was very please to go over the wall and we actually went twice with him.

We also did some tie-dyeing with carrot tops, which gives a yellow, and nettles for green. Unfortunately Banana's didn't turn out the way she thought it would which was disappointing for her, but that is the way it is with natural dyeing. It can still be a hard lesson to learn.

We also spent some time watching Doctor Who. The only episode that they didn't have on tape was The Empty Child and The Doctor Dances, so we watched those one day. That night at supper Sheepy said: 'Mummy' in that voice! It really sent shivers up my spine! We also watched a really old Doctor Who film Daleks'Invasion Earth: 22150 AD too, with the mums spinning and knitting their way through it.

Although this visit wasn't the greatest, we are still looking forward to going up to York to visit them soon. I think for some reason it seems to work better with us going their than with them coming here.

And of course it is one of life's hardest lessons to learn: things don't always go the way you want them to. And that lesson is one for adults as well as the children!

A Grand Day Out

2007-07-07T21:03:00.000+01:00

The Country Show

We had a wonderful day today at the the local Country Show. Last year it was terrible. Ram spent most of his time on the ground whining and crying that his feet hurt. He was ok when we were sitting at the arena watching the show, but as soon as we started to walk around his behaviour deteriorated.

When I got home that day, I remembered seeing another older child in a buggy, so I decided to get the old buggy out of the garage that I never used! I had Ram in a backpack the whole time because of walking the dogs in the fields, and when he was too big to go in it, I had to stop walking the dogs. I always thought it was the autism that made him not like walking. It was only when the physiotherapist assessed him that we realised he actually had a problem that was causing pain.

Anyway, it was last years visit to the fair that got me thinking about a buggy, and after trying out one shopping trip with the little buggy, Ram's knees up to his ears, that we bought the Mclaren Major buggy.

So this year with the buggy I knew it would let us know if it was just the pain of his feet or more than that, that caused the problems last year.

And the verdict! It was the pain in his feet!

We had such a lovely time this year, with no tears, or behaviour problems. No lying on the ground or whining. In fact he sat and watching a lecture on the history of shotguns!

The day started well with a trip to a stall where you could shoot an air rifle at targets in the grass. Ram was very good and hit several of the targets. In fact they said he was the best they had had that day so far!

We discussed our rabbit problem and they said that no only would an air rifle be good enough to kill them, but that Ram was skilled enough to hit them in the right spot. So it looks like we will be getting an air rifle.

Later in the day we had a try at another stand where it is just target practice. Both Ram and the Dxh had a go. Ram did very well again getting all but one of his shots in the centre of the target. Dxh didn't think he would do so well as his eyesight has deteriorated since he used air rifles at school and he couldn't even focus on the target, but he surprised himself and got all his shots in the middle too!

We had our lunch by the arena watching the dog show and the White Helmets. Because Ram already has a seat with his buggy, and the bag we carry on the back of the buggy is actually a little stool that Dxh's mother used when she was out painting, we also took another camp stool hooked over the handle bars which meant that we all had somewhere to sit and have lunch.

Ram was so much happier that we managed to stay much longer than last year. Last year we actually left quite early, but this year we stayed almost to the end.

Ram's feet may not have hurt, but mine certainly did!

2007-07-06T21:49:00.000+01:00

As usual Thursday and today have been chill out days after the home ed meeting, so I thought I would just fill in a few little things that have been going on in the background.

For instance, this morning we were looking out the window of the bathroom as usual while brushing Ram's hair and spotted a woodpecker! I had heard from a neighbour that there was one in the village, but this is the first time it has been seen in our garden.

We always keep some binoculars in the bathroom, along with a bird book, so we spend around 15 minutes watching it look for insects and trying to decide which species it was. We are still not sure because it seemed to have more red on the head than a great woodpecker but the middle woodpecker isn't found in the UK. It definitely wasn't a lesser woodpecker as it didn't have the red on the rump.

This week we have also seen a lot of rabbits in the garden. They are coming over from the paddock behind us. They are so bad again this year that they have eaten a lot of things in our vegetable patch, and they are now all over the farm yard too!

We also found a dead pigeon in the garden this week. I thought it was alive at first and couldn't understand why it didn't fly off, until I realised it had died while perching! When I knocked it off the perch, I found that its feet and legs were very swollen. We asked the gardeners who know a lot about birds from their experience helping with game keepers and there said that it wasn't mites but some kind of tumours probably.

We also had a good look at one of the snakes. The smaller one was in the compost bin this afternoon and the gardener picked it up for us to have a better look at it.

Over the past week Ram has just been playing Dawn of War on the computer and I have been reading to him. I was thinking that not much education has been going on, but actually, there is more to the book we are reading than I realised.

We are reading Interesting Times by Terry Pratchett, and the motif is Imperial China and Maoism.

In fact, the Wikipedia page on the Discworld series is very useful as it lists the motifs from each of the books. Besides China apparently Lemmings, the computer game also appears in this book, but we haven't spotted htat yet.

We have spotted many things about China though, some from the Adam Hart-Davis series What the Ancients Did For Us, which is a lovely way of consolidating what Ram has already learned from watching the TV programme .

How much more fun it is to read amusing books, and watch birds out of a window, to show how much you have learned, than taking a test in school!

2007-07-04T21:44:00.000+01:00

Today was our home educators meeting. Ram was very excited as usual and didn't settle in the morning as he was anxious about going.

We decided to have a sports day this week, so for our contribution we took our dress-up box. Ram doesn't often dress up anymore, but did go through a phase of using it a lot. We have in it some old clothes of mine, things from charity shops, some of my mother-in-law's things, and some odd things like net curtains and dog leads.

Don't ask why! I think we were just tidying up one day and that was the nearest box to put them in!

There were also some things that I had bought for themed parties that I used to go to in London. So my gangster's mole's costume was in there complete with fur stole. That lead to some interesting discussions! But that is all part of education; opening oneself to views other than one's own.

When we got there we put the box in the middle of the floor and immediately the kids started trying things on. Even the older boys had a go.

We then went outside and divided up into two teams. Ram refused to join in, which I was expecting. Usually I stand in for him in things like this. Sometimes he will watch what is going on, then take my place later.

First we played under over with the ball, then rolling it between all our legs. Then Ram and I ran the dress-up relay where each team has a costume that each person has to put on, run to the other end, take off, and then the next person puts it on.

By now Ram had lost it. He saw that some of the younger children were playing with his Bionicle sword. I had asked him specially if he wanted it left at home or kept in the box and he chose to take it. I did explain that other children may play with it and he accepted that.

I did have my reservations, but I think that children can make their own decisions. They don't always make the right ones, but they do have to learn to make them and figure out how to sort things out if the wrong one is make.

In this case the wrong one was made and I facilitated to help put it right. I explained to the other children that Ram was worried that it would get boken, and asked if they would mind if we put it away. They didn't mind at all! So I put it back in the car.

By then however, Ram had become so upset that he needed to cool down. He wasn't happy in the hall, and couldn't stay out in the yard as the games were still going on. So he went into the woods. He wanted to be alone but I wasn't comfortable with him in the woods on his own. It is very steep in places and I was worried that if he fell and hurt himself there was no one to come back and get help.

So I followed him in. I was a long way behind him because I had never been in the woods before, but eventually I found him. At first I thought that he was talking to someone else but then I realised that he was talking to himself! I couldn't hear what he was saying but he seemed calm again so I revealed myself and he showed me around the den. He was quite happy now, as if nothing had happened.

I felt really honoured that he let me see the secret place where the boys like to play!

By then the games were over and the other boys came in so I made a quick exit so that the boys could be boys together.

After all, even if I am a bit of a tomboy, and even if home educated young people enjoy the company of parents, there is still a time and place for being a boy on your own with your peers!

The Sound of Silence - or Why Mum Doesn't Answer

2007-07-03T21:21:00.000+01:00

Today we had disabled swim. The county council has a scheme called The Key where you can register your disabled children and get advise and a few extras, one of which is free swimming at our local pool. Today we were supposed to have a photo taken but Ram is so stressed at the beginning that we asked if we could go straight in and sort out the photo card later.

I needed to go to the toilet so I left Ram in the changing cubicle for a few minutes. When I got back I had been expecting to see him in his swim trunks, but he was still standing there in his closes, seemingly not having moved from the spot where I left him!

I didn't say anything then because it was clear that he was stressed and not thinking clearly. When we got into the pool area we sat on the side for a few minutes and he was able to tell me that the getting changed and getting to into the pool is the worse bit, and that he is much better when he is in the pool.

We had a great time today, as there was no music like last week. We played with a ball which was fun. Throwing and catching a ball is important to develop their hand eye coordination, and it certainly has helped mine!

Getting out again was difficult, and he just seems to close down. He goes quiet and pale, but I can't really see what it is that it difficult, unless it is just the transition.

We then went out and had his photo taken for his pass. His last card for the swimming pool was blank because he refused to have his photo taken, so we have progressed here!

Our little bit of shopping wasn't too bad, but they didn't have his usual iced bun that he has at the bakery, so he chose crisps instead. They had loads of other things but he will have the same thing every time.

When we got home he went straight onto the computer to play Dawn of War again. I know that it probably seems like there is nothing educational about it, but I am sure there is. Just what, I am not sure yet, but one day he will come out with something that he will have learned from it.

We did talk later about why he didn't get changed when I was in the toilet, and he didn't really know why, but we have agreed that I have to leave him better instructions in future if I want him to get changed when I am not there.

We managed to get to bed early tonight! But Ram couldn't get to sleep. He was awake for sometime and I woke more than an hour after we had turned the lights out and he was still awake. There isn't much I can do for him but at least because we co-sleep it means that I know he is safe beside me. When he was younger he used to watch TV and when he was really little I used to have a four hour Thomas the Tank Engine video for when he couldn't sleep, so at least I could get some sleep.

Now he wants it absolutely black with no sound. Well, there is one sound, the sound of him talking to me, and the sound of me not replying because I am already asleep, then the even louder sound of him asking me why I haven't answered his questions!

A Parents' Education

2007-07-02T17:47:00.000+01:00

Another Dad day today, and respite for me. Not that I will actually get a rest!

Ram and Dxh went straight onto the computer today. Ram doesn't need as much help when he is on the computer as when he was younger, especially now he can read, but he still needs someone close by. So Dxh spent the day going through the filing cabinet. He took out statements that were more than 10 years old, pulled out all the old letters from the banks advising on rate changes that were blank on one side so that we could reuse the paper in the printer, and increased my pile of paper I use to write notes on.

The rest of it he took home with him to shred. He will then bring it back to put in the compost bins. Years ago I did a members experiment with Garden Organic. We had to put layers of scrunched up paper between the layers of grass cuttings to see if this made better compost. It did! We have carried on doing it this way ever since, and I am grateful that my respite carer is also the Dxh so that I can trust him to go through my filing and sort it all out for me. Filing is just one thing that I never get around to.

While the boys were in the study I did dishes and cleaned the kitchen, and then waited for the inevitable phone call from Sainsbury's to say that they would be late with the home delivery. And it came! So we decide to carry on and have lunch. Actually, I gave the boys the option of having lunch before they arrived, after, or during. They chose during!

And during it happened!

The man only came in for a minute but Ram's behaviour changed instantly. He was hiding behind his chair, and when I asked him to pass me the pile of plastic bags to give to the man to take back with him, Ram picked them up and threw then in the opposite direction, even though I told him that he wouldn't have to go near the man but only give them to me!

Goodness knows what this delivery man thought, but he couldn't get out fast enough!

After lunch the boys when back to the computer and the filing, and I went for my nap then into town to get some things for next week when our friends arrive. Not only did I need to get some meat from the butcher for that week, but also for the next couple of weeks because the man who usually serves me will be on holiday. It is easier to get extra now than to have to explain to someone else how we like our gammons and dog food. And it also means that I won't have to go into town with Ram while the schools are out. There is nothing like school children running around to get Ram stressed!

I got back and had to go out almost straight away to the osteopath. He said that a lot of people are having joint problems at the moment because of the high humidity. He also said that he is finding some people have now cut back so much on their salt that they are not getting enough, and I realise that could be us! I don't cook with salt and we have very little processed food, so I will have to increase my salt a little and see if it helps.

The silly thing is I probably shouldn't be cutting back on my salt intake anyway as I have low blood pressure already!

But all these little things that I pick up when I am out I can then bring back and discuss with Ram so that his education isn't just what we do at home, but what his parents do when they are out and about.

A Doctor Who Masternind

2007-07-01T17:40:00.000+01:00

Ram slept late again this morning. But at least there is nothing more
to do than to read in bed! Ram finds the heat of the day too much so
last year when he slept late, and then we read in bed and were not up
until 11, he had missed the cool part of the day. But of course this
year we haven't had a summer, just rain, so it hasn't matter so much.

Once we were up and about Ram decided to watch Doctor Who from the first of the new series with Christopher Ecclestone.
But before the series started there was one of the old Doctor Who
films, and then some programmes that were broadcast in the build up to
the New Doctor Who starting. He watch all through those and kept
calling out things of interest such as the history of The Master and so
on.

I hadn't realised how much he had memorised when watching
these things the first time as he kept calling me in saying things
like, 'The Doctor is about to say...' and he would quote him, and then
the Doctor would say exactly that!

And he has found a reference to Bad Wolf that no one else seems to have noticed!

Rather than sit with him the whole time I decided that I would update my blog
and carry on sorting out things to get ready for our friends.

I know it may seem odd that I don't update my blog for days, then
suddenly there are several days worth at once, as if I have made it all
up, but it isn't quite like that. I always compose in Open Office so that I can use
the big spell checker, and also so it is easy to keep a copy. I often
make little notes during the day, or start a day, then go back to it
later. But I don't always get a chance to go through it and upload it.
So I took this afternoon to get caught up with things.

Ram kept watching right until bed time. I knew that today would have to be a quiet day for him as we had Dxh yesterday, and I know that it may seem like he is watching too much TV,
but sometimes it is nice to get a break from him, as when he is
watching TV I don't have to interact with him constantly.

I don't think he could win Master Mind with his Doctor Who knowledge, but he wouldn't embarrass himself!

Boys Just Want to Have Fun - Not to Mention Their Mum!

2007-06-30T17:33:00.000+01:00

Ram woke this morning happy that Dad was coming round. He was rather manic about it even thought Dxh was here the day before yesterday. Ram was at least awake early enough for us to read some more Discworld. Because these are adult books they do take longer to read, especially when being read aloud.

We often find children's books are too short, and I heard a snatch of a conversation on Radio 4 the other day where a children's author said that before the Harry Potter books publishers were telling children's authors to keep books to 50,000 words because they thought that children no longer had the concentration for books longer than that. Then along came Rowling (longest Potter book so far has about 214,000) and now they realise that kids can read longer books!

When Dxh got here he and Ram decided to play chess again, only this time we got out the real chess set. We commented that a couple of summers ago Ram played a game with Dxh in the garden. Ram would make a move, then run round the garden twice, then came back and make a move then run off again. Today the difference is amazing! He sat for the whole game and only once or twice did he get up for a swing on the trapeze.

Local authorities seem to be complaining that they can't tell if a child is learning when there is no curriculum or testing. Certainly I can see in school that teachers need to test a child to see what they have learned. But with home education the parent has the continuity of being with the child year after year and can see the progress a child makes. I don't need to test Ram to see that this year he can sit down and concentrate on a game of chess, when a couple of years ago he couldn't.

Actually, not only can he sit down and play, he can win against his father, who was trying very hard to win!

We ended up with a late lunch so that they could finish the game, then we started sorting out the sleeping area for our friends coming. We needed to put up a bit of cloths line to separate the large sleeping area (we have an open plan barn upstairs and down) and hang a curtain on it. Ram helped me put all the curtain hooks in and I got to explain how a curtain is made.

We then went back downstairs for tea, which ended up around the computer having fun. It was one of those days when we kept coming up with things we wanted to know so the three of us sat around the computer looking things up. We also showed Dxh the Bloxorz game, looked up some lyrics to some music, listened to Voodoo Child which is the song that was in Doctor Who the other week, and generally had a good laugh. All the time Ram was talking non stop!

Of course things settled down when Dxh went home and Doctor Who started. Wow, what a finish to the series. We were discussing it still at bed time. So many little bits of a puzzle, and now the long wait until Christmas for the special and next year for the next series.

Up With the Black Birds

2007-06-29T16:56:00.000+01:00

As usual after a busy day yesterday we had a lovely quiet day. Only it was not so lovely for me as I have an aching right leg and foot! I don't quite know why but I have made an appointment with my osteopath for next week.

Ram was on the computer today, having not even turned it on yesterday. But we also managed to play a game of chess. I have never been able to learn chess. I can never remember how each piece moves. And for some reason when people try to teach me all they want to do is win, so I don't get any real practice. But Ram and I managed a game of Quick Chess and I think I won!

Then Ram spent the afternoon playing Lego Chess. He went through the tutorials for each piece again and played against the computer a couple of times. This will be good practice for when playing against both his Dad and his friend when she comes to stay.

For supper we had a favourite of Ram's, treasure bread. I made pizza dough and using a pastie maker fill Ram's with black olives. Not any old black olive though, only the ones we can buy in tins from Somerfield!

When he was younger we used to put all sorts of things in like vegetables and cheese, hence the name treasure bread; you never knew what you might find in it! But now he has restricted his diet so that he will only have olives in it. But at least I can use the rest of the dough to make myself a little pizza with lots of interesting things on it.

Our plan to turn the computer off before supper didn't work tonight at all. There was nothing Ram wanted to watch on TV so he played on the computer. He discovered a game called bloxorz. He was getting very good at it.

I made the mistake of trying it myself and got into it enough that I didn't notice the time and we ended up late to bed again! It can be so difficult to synchronise bedtimes. I always knew that I would cope with the early mornings, and I certainly did when Ram was little and woke early for a two hour breastfeed, but I always imagined that I would have Dxh with me to do the night shift. He is an owl, and I am a black bird. At least around here it is the black birds that are up with me at five thirty in the morning!

Where Did All the Energy Go?

2007-06-28T16:24:00.000+01:00

It was a busy day for all today. Dxh was here for respite day. I know that it must sound like when I have a respite day I get a day off, but respite days can actually be more tiring for me as there is so much to pack into one!

The early to bed last night worked and Ram was awake early enough that we were dressed when Dxh got here. I had to settle everyone in quickly because I went over to see MDF first thing. She is much better this week and not so tired. We had some great discussions about religion and diet amongst other things. Luckily her mother is there to take care of her so I knew that if I tired her out too much she would be able to have a nap and that her mum would get her lunch for her.

I stayed longer than expected and had to rush back to get lunch ready for the boys. Dxh and I had a bit of a disagreement. Well, actually I had a go at him for having a go at me for not putting all the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. He had asked me if I had forgotten how to put dishes into the dishwasher! I told him that he should walk a mile in my shoes before he judges me. I suggested that he too might not have had time to get things in the dishwasher if he was taking care of Ram 24/7!

When we sat down to lunch there was still a bit of an atmosphere, so I suggest that we change the subject and discuss the current changes in parliament, and that politics should be a little less dangerous to talk about! We laughed at that, and then had to explain to Ram that people usually avoided politics because it could lead to argument, but we actually decided to talk about it to stop another argument!

All three of us discussed Gordon Brown and Ed Balls, the new man in the new department for Children, Schools and Families. I do wonder why they have to keep changing the names of the departments.

Because Ursula and family are coming to stay soon, I had suggested to the boys that they tidy up the Action Men upstairs so that there would be somewhere for people to sleep, and to move out a table that we have in the sleeping area that is doing nothing there.

When I went up to look they have moved it into the Lego area and had already set up some Lego on it!

After lunch they decided that rather than play Lego they would play chess. When I came back down from my nap they were busy concentrating on a game of chess that doesn't use all the pieces. Our set is called Quick Chess but despite the name the games were not always quick.

Dxh won two games, Ram one, and they drew on the fourth. Amazingly, Ram wasn't upset by not winning! He has come a long way from the days where if he didn't win the first time we played a game he would refuse to ever play it again.

I had to go off to pick up some painkillers for Arrow and when I got back the boys were playing chess again. I also noticed that there was a try of clean dishes which were sitting on the side, no where near the cupboard that they belonged in. Clearly Dxh had tried to empty the dishwasher but got waylaid.

So I teasingly asked Ram if I should reek revenge on Dxh. Ram looked puzzled and Dxh looked worried. So with a big grin on my face I asked him if he had forgotten how to put clean dishes away!

He said that he had been distracted by a ground to air attention seeking missile, an affectionate name he has for Ram. We all had a laugh but I think he got the point – I hope!

We tried the same bedtime routine of turning off the computer before supper as last night but it didn't work so well. He got into Lego instead so we were later than I would have liked, especially as I was tired. I had been off in one direction to visit MDF, back to sort out lunch and work in the garden, not to mention sorting out some Internet orders, then off in the opposite direction to pick up the painkillers for Arrow. But even though Ram was on the go all day with Dxh, he still has energy to spare.

I guess according to the law of conservation of energy it stands to reason that for all the energy I am lacking, Ram must have extra!

Life is Easy

2007-06-27T15:55:00.000+01:00

We have an easy day today. Ram slept until after nine, then we read for over an hour and ended up having breakfast at nearly lunch time! Well, I have my first breakfast at 6.30 so it was only elevenses for me.

As usual Ram had a recovery day, mostly spent on the computer. This game me time to catch up on washing both clothes and dishes. I don't know how working parents fit in all the household duties as well as working outside the home. Mind you at least the house must stay in the same state as they leave it in the morning!

To day Ram decided that it would be fun to take a large piece of tissue paper and rip it into strips with different weapons made from Lego Bionicle. He hung it over the trapeze and slashed at it to see which weapon worked best. I just quietly let him get on with it, but did mention that he would have to tidy it up before bed.

We started our new plan to get to bed a little earlier. Ram happily turned off the computer before coming for supper. We listened to the funny thing, then watched Saving Planet Earth, then I read aloud to him.

When it was getting to bed time I stopped reading and handed him the dustpan and brush and said that the paper needed cleaning up, then went into the study to turn off my computer. While I was giving him a chance to sweep up the paper I answered an email from a friend. I didn't want to crowd him as I knew that if I put too much pressure on him he would refuse to do it. By pointing out earlier that it would need to be cleaned up before bed, then by making the statement 'the paper needs to be cleaned up' rather than asking him to do it, I knew I had a chance of him cooperating. And it worked, but he fell short of actually emptying the dust pan into the bin!

When he came into the study to tell him he was finished he was a bit annoyed that I was on my computer and he couldn't be on his, but I think he understands that I was just turning it off not playing a game.

So up we went about an hour earlier than usual with no complaints! This might actually work!

Sleep Problems Again

2007-06-26T16:58:00.000+01:00

Last night we actually managed to get to sleep early! My ploy of getting him up earlier because it was dark with the weather worked! He didn't wake up any earlier though, which makes me think that he is lacking sleep.

We didn't have much time to read as it was swimming day and we wanted to get there before the school children got out of the pool, as last week they took all the cubicles and were very noisy!

Ram was slow to get going, with lots of stopping to talk to me, or should I say stopping to tell me about Bionicles! He ended up having to eat his breakfast in the car! Luckily we are not cereal people, so there was no problem having hambacon in the car.

We were worried that we wouldn't get there early enough but amazingly, the school children didn't turn up so the whole place was lovely and quiet!

Even though we were first in the pool, it was still a full house by the time all the other disabled people arrived. For some reason the lifeguards turned on some music. It was actually pleasant music, sounding like African rather than Caribbean, but still having a feel of sunshine and beaches. However, Ram is sensitive to things like music and he didn't like it. Afterwards I had a quick word with one of the other carers and she said that sometimes they have people who can't cope with the music and they have to ask them to turn it off. I don't mind it on sometimes, but I hope they don't put it on every week.

After swimming we went on our usual shopping trip. The first few shops were ok, as they were part of our usual routine, but then we had to go to the chemist to get some more bandages for Arrow. She is licking a little sore on her leg and we have to wrap it up to stop her. Ram didn't cope well and kept trying to talk to me even though I was talking to the woman serving us. I kept pointing out that I needed to speak to the lady, and while I was getting my change from her I ignored him.

When I had put my change away I turned to him and he demanded to know why I hadn't answered him, I pointed out to him that I was talking to the lady serving us. He went a bit quiet. I honestly don't think that he can tell when others are talking to me. I don't know if it is a sensory thing where he can't block out all the noise and lights and so only concentrates on me, or whether he is just so anxious that his brain closes down and he can't see or hear properly. Maybe one day we will find out.

Our last shop is always the greengrocer and again this week there was a new person. She is very quiet whereas the other two that are normally there who know us well are friendly and outgoing. There were also a lot of people in the shop today. I parked Ram in his buggy in the corner by the tills as usual while I started choosing my veggies. I could hear him singing his sheep song (I'm a sheep, baa baa.) but when I turned around I got a surprise. He had put the blanket over his head and covered himself completely!

Luckily I am not bothered by these things any more, and can just go round smiling at people and shaking my head. I find if you smile at them enough, even the most disapproving ones will eventually smile back.

I was hoping that we could get to bed early tonight, but the sun is out and Ram just won't come upstairs. When I finally got him into bed we had a talk about it. For him the problem is that he gets involved with his games and can't stop. He suggested that we watch more TV in the evening, but of course this time of year there isn't much one. We do have a lot recorded from the last few weeks when we were watching Spring Watch, so in the end we decided that Ram would actually turn off the computer before supper. We always eat during the Funny Thing on Radio 4 at Six Thirty, so I will give him a five minute warning so that he can turn the computer off, then at seven when supper is over we can watch the Saving Wildlife programme, then after that we will either watch something that we have previously recorded or read aloud.

I just hope that he still agrees in the morning!

Location Wheel

2007-06-25T16:55:00.000+01:00

Today didn't start on a good note. All I did was point out that the way Ram stands when he goes to the toilet means that he misses and hits the rim. This is upsetting him terribly to think that he may have to change the way he goes to the toilet as he grows taller.

So because he wasn't talking to me he went straight onto the computer and didn't get off it all day! It didn't help that he was even more upset when I was having a quick phone call with his best friend's mother, to make arrangements for her and the family to come to visit soon. And of course there was rather a lot of rain and wind too!

But I did manage to put the time to good use. Ram finds it difficult to figure out where I am. Even if I tell him several time where I am going to be and he acknowledges it, he will still forget and then panic if he can't find me.

For instance one Saturday while I was trying to have my nap Ram kept calling for me. I figured after I didn't answer the first few times he would remember, but he didn't. In the end after five minutes of him calling to me I got up before my alarm went off.

So I have made a location wheel where there is a disk with various places I could be, such as the greenhouse, the garage (we have a deep freeze there), in the toilet or up for my nap. There is a piece of card on the front...oh heck, I may as well take a photo of it!

A friend of mine suggested that it sounded like the clock that the Weasley's from Harry Potter use!

As Ram was happy on the computer I went off and did things adjusting the location wheel each time. I set it to greenhouse, told Ram where I was going then went out and watered the cucumbers. Then came back in and set it to garden to go down to the veggie patch to see what damage the critters have done. Then back in to reset it to feeding birds to go out and refill the bird feeders. Then back in to set it to garage to go and get something out for supper!

Its a lot of palava, but if it makes Ram feel more secure then at least I might actually get the whole power nap without Ram calling for me!

He may be on the computer all day but it doesn't mean to say that an education isn't occurring. One of the sites he has been on is mofunzone. There are a lot of puzzle games that really give the brain a work out.

I have decided that we must try to get Ram to bed earlier. Forcing him to come up to bed only makes him more angry and less likely to not only come to bed but be able to sleep, so I have to go softly softly. Tonight it is so dark out with the weather that I shall try to get him upstairs early.

Sometimes there are advantages to having a child that can't tell the time!

Snake Alive!

2007-06-24T15:46:00.000+01:00

Because Dxh didn't come on Saturday, we had Saturday on Sunday. Ram woke late again because he isn't getting to sleep very early. I really do like the summer solstice. It means the days are getting shorter and we can get more sleep!

We were still in bed when Dxh arrived and so he got to see the whole morning routine; from the sitting on the edge of the bath with the toothpaste dripping off the toothbrush while twittering on about Bionicles until someone reminds Ram that he is supposed to be brushing his teeth, to sitting in the window waiting to have his hair brushed but forgetting that he has to unplait first!

We finally got downstairs for Rams breakfast and then while the boys went upstairs to play Bionicle games, I got on with making lunch. I was taking something out to the compost heap and decided to have a little peek in the resting compost bin to see if the grass snake was there as it was a cloudy rainy day.

There was no snake there but there was a snake skin! So we know that our snake is getting bigger! We have hung the skin up on the wall as a trophy. Ram was fascinated by it and straight away found the bits that go over the eyes and started to explain how it can aggravate the snake when these bits come off.

No need for tests and exams when you can listen to the boy inform his dad all about how snakes shed their skin.

Mind you, it was almost word for word what we saw recently on a TV programme about snakes. He does seem to manage to remember some things word perfect. He has been quoting the scene from Dr Who where they talk about the timey whimy detector that goes ping when it is near stuff!

In the afternoon Ram and Dxh went upstairs again to play a battle game with the Bionicles. I think they play it the way people used to play with toy solders and dice, but I am not sure. I do know that for a long time Ram was unhappy because he kept rolling low numbers on the dice and Dxh kept getting high ones. Eventually they came downstairs, Ram having finally won. I did ask if Dxh had let him win but he said no. However, he did point out that the rules kept changing!

We then sat and watch Dr Who again. Dxh didn't get home in time on Saturday to watch it, and Ram and I needed no excuse to watch it again! Interestingly, it was a fun this time because Dxh isn't at all scared by it, and somehow can't imagine being scared like I can. I can scare myself silly any time I want!

We also watched Dr Who Confidential as well. It is so easy to learn about how things are put together these days with programmes like this. Dxh never bothers to watch it and is dismissive of programmes that are about how programmes are made, but I noticed that he seemed to be enjoy it.

Vote Saxon!

2007-06-23T21:26:00.000+01:00

Thursday was respite day, so we didn't have as much time to read in bed this morning. In fact Dxh arrived before we were even dressed!

Ram was very excited and hyper. He just kept talking and no one had any idea of what he was saying!

I was pretty busy, making a huge batch of soup in the morning, then lunch, a quick nap and over to see MDF who had the stroke last week. She is well in herself, but she got very tired very quickly, and like Ram went hyper!

That got me thinking. Ram has been going to bed later and later every evening, and still getting up at the same time, so that he is getting about an hour less sleep each night. I wonder if he too is getting tired.

Friday and Saturday were very quiet days, as I have come to expect after a respite day and a busy week. Dxh usually comes on Saturday but he was with clients today, so we had the day to ourselves.

The weather managed to cheer up a bit and we did some bouncing on the trampoline. We played the alphabet catch game, where one person throws the ball saying the letter and the other person has to throw it back saying a word with that letter.

Of course Ram ever the oppositional one, refused to say the letter but did a word instead! But as it is to practice alphabetical order, not thinking of words that start with a particular letter, I am not bothered!

And tonight was Dr Who of course! We sat on the sofa clinging to each other. It is so much fun being scared!

And it was also educational as we were able to discuss subliminal advertising.

VOTE SAXON!

Socialisation

2007-06-20T15:09:00.000+01:00

It was our home education meeting this afternoon; The new extra one for older children where they play games.

Ram was very keen to go, but it was as if he didn't understand how long it was until we could leave. He decided he wanted to wear the orange over suit and hat, and spent a good proportion of the morning in that waiting, even though I told him that we wouldn't be going until after lunch. In the end he sat in one of the dog's beds with me reading our current Discworld book aloud to him.

Finally after lunch we set out. When we got there we found that there was a problem. The carpet was being replaced in the main hall of the church and we wouldn't be able to get for about an hour. As the weather wasn't very good we were not sure what we could do. There were only two other boys there at the time, so they went off with Ram into the woods to their secret den, while the other mum and I had a think. Then a third family came, and those boys too disappeared into the woods. Sometimes I think that it is much better to just let them find their own way than to have something organised!

Then someone from the church arrived and said that we could use the flat upstairs. We didn't even know about this flat! It had a nice cosy sitting room, which was just right for the games. We called the boys back from the woods and they went up to set up the game Necromunder. (I was going to try and link to a website that explains what Mecromunder is but I can't find one!) The sitting room had just enough comfortable chairs and sofas for the five boys that decided to play, as well as the perfect coffee table for playing on!

Ram was so settled that I left him to it, and sat in the corridor making stickle brick models with one of the other mothers – oh, and the younger boys as well! Ram is very close to me and often feels the need to hold my hand, so when he is happy I try to distance myself from him to give him a little independence while still being close enough that he can get to me if he needs me.

A couple of times he did come out and check that I was still there, but he played the game to the end with the others. I think that because he now knows these boys so well, and they were in a small quiet room, Ram really enjoyed himself. This is how socialisation should be, not in a room with 30 other children, but with a small number of children of all different ages.

Afterwards, they decided to go downstairs and christen the new carpet. The hall was completely empty, and a game of British Bulldog started, while the mums stood outside discussing future meetings. Eventually a couple of them came out to get the mums involved. They managed to talk me into coming in and playing with them!

It was actually great fun. I had to start on my own to catch all the rest of them, them being eight boys ranging in age from three to 14! Eventually all of them were caught bar the 14 year old. In fact the other mums came in to help and they couldn't catch him either!

And that is another example of true socialisation. A social event where adults and children of all ages are of equal standing, enjoying each other's company.

Swimming

2007-06-19T14:25:00.000+01:00

Today was disabled swimming day. We arrived 10 minutes earlier than usual to try to beat the school children coming out of the pool. We thought that if we could get there earlier we would get a changing cubicle and get out of the way of their noisy screaming before they got out of the pool.

Unfortunately it didn't work. We needed to be 20 minutes earlier! The children were screaming and running around, and had taken up all of the cubicles.

Luckily one of the other carers of the disabled people stopped the children from going into her cubicle so that we could at least change and get to the pool side and away from the noise. Ram had gone completely white and froze and I had difficulty getting him into the cubicle.

He was a bit better when we got to the poolside, but he still took a little while to calm down and get into the water. Once he was in, he was ok and enjoyed himself.

I think one of the reasons he likes this session is, aside from it being quiet, no one tries to talk to him. But I have decided that just because no one talks to him, it doesn't mean that we can't interact!

There are three ladies that like to make a train and enjoy being towed through the water. Their carer tows them and says things like 'Toot, toot, train coming through.' We had water woggles so I suggested that next time they came by we make a bridge for them. Ram panicked and wouldn't do it, but I did it anyway, and the ladies loved it! I am hoping that if I do this every week then eventually Ram may join in making a bridge too.

Afterwards we went round the usual small shops in town with Ram in his buggy. He was fine in the first few, but when we got to the last one which is the greengrocer, he fell apart. He likes to sit in his buggy by the till, and all the staff know him very well and they will chat with him. At first I couldn't understand what the problem was, but after sitting with him for a few minutes holding his hand he said it was because there were two new members of staff there!

So we waiting for one of the usual ones to come up from the store room, and she sat which him while I collected the veggies. He wouldn't let me go outside though, and had to come with me and hold my hand while I chose vegetables from the outside display.

When we got back into the car I asked him what had happened to make him so anxious. Ram said that it was just that there were two new people there he didn't know. He also got tearful when he said that the usual girl had said that we wouldn't see the new people, but Ram had seen him on the way out. I pointed out that what she probably mean was that the new boy wouldn't be at the till. He was there to load up the new stock and she wouldn't have thought that just passing someone on the way out counted!

It just goes to show how difficult the most simple thing can be for our aspie children!

Day-Glo Shopping

2007-06-18T10:03:00.000+01:00

Today was supposed to be respite day, but Dxh emailed me to say he was ill and couldn't come. I had planned to go out shopping for food as we were running out of things like hambacon (I cook a gammon and then slice it up and fry it like bacon because Ram doesn't like the fat in bacon) cream cheese and crisps.

So when Ram woke up I told him that Dad couldn't make it today, then started reading to him. When there was a break in the story, I called him up from under the covers and asked him if he would like to go shopping with me today, or wait until Thursday when Dad would be here again. By telling him that Dad couldn't make it first, then sometime later asking what he wanted to do about it, I gave him thinking time. If I did both at the same time he would have just panicked and would have said no to what ever I suggested.

He chose to wait until Thursday so that I could go without him, even thought it meant that he wouldn't have as much food to eat. Then after he thought about it a bit more, he said that he would go if he could buy Lego. I knew of a shop in this town that does sell Lego, and it wasn't just his food that we had run out of but fruit and vegetables as well, so I told him about the shop. He decided to change him mind and come shopping with me in exchange for more Lego!

As it was raining on and off, I suggested that he try out my old motorcycle waterproof over suit for when he is in the buggy. We have found that umbrellas don't work very well. Luckily when I was into motorcycles, which feels like it was about 150 years ago, I was very skinny, so width wise it fit him. But length wise, it was a bit long! Still, we managed to get it on him, then put on his ankle boots which stopped the suit from dragging on the ground.

As it is meant to be worn with a helmet, there is no hood, so I tried a rain hat from when he was little but it didn't fit. Then I remembered my wide brimmed waxed cotton hat that I used to wear when I was walking the dogs (regular dog walking took place about 100 years ago). Luckily I have a small head so it fitted Ram perfectly.

We got in the car and off we went. Of course by then the rain had stopped. I remembered the over suit being very hot but Ram didn't seem to mind and decided to wear that and the hat round the supermarket.

Did I mention the colour? No? It is bright orange!

So there I am pushing a buggy with a 10 year old in it, dressed head to toe in Day-glo orange, with a wide brimmed rain hat on. The buggy is hooked up to a trolley meant for a wheelchair, with Ram pushing it and humming the theme tune from the Harry Potter films!

We must have looked a picture! What kind of picture I am not sure, but we did get some friendly attention from some elderly ladies who were impressed with Ram's long plait hanging out the back of the buggy, and we did noticed a man who started humming the same tune!

But it worked. We got our groceries, and the vegetables, managed to go into the butcher which Ram particularly dislikes, and I am now £12 poorer and there is £12 more Lego on the floor at home!

Anger

2007-06-17T19:42:00.000+01:00

I have found that the best time to talk with Ram about serious things like emotions is after we turn the lights out. Sometimes I am very sleepy and don't do justice to the conversation, but last night in the dark I did pay attention.

I don't know what started it, but Ram suddenly become very angry and tearful. It turned out that he was angry because when he gets angry he is not allowed to hit people!

When he was much younger he did hit people, and we couldn't leave him alone with other children younger than himself. There would be no warning, and it wouldn't necessarily have anything to do with anyone else. He would just come frustrated, and as the only two emotions he had at the time were love and anger, he would just suddenly lash out at the nearest person.

He has learned that hitting people is not appropriate, and we keep a selection of boxes for him to smash when he feels the need, but it seems that it is no longer enough for him. Mind you, this could be because I am now saying boxes to move all our kitchen things into while the carpenter finishes the kitchen that I started 12 years ago!

The boxes actually take up a lot of room and look messy sitting there waiting to be bashed, and I know that Dxh doesn't like them there, but Tony Attwood recommends keeping things like that on hand. He calls it part of the tool box for coping with Asperger's. So the boxes stay.

I thought that martial arts might be a good way for Ram to expend some energy and frustration and he has always been interesting in them, but has refused to go to classes. I know that they wouldn't suit him as he can't function when there are people around him. I suggested we get someone privately, but he said that would only work if he already knew them.

So I put out a call on the Education Otherwise email list, to ask if anyone knows of a video or DVD that we could use to learn from. There are a lot of different people on the list, over 2,000 of them in fact, so I was pretty sure someone would come up with something, and they did!

I will let you know if it all works out!

Today being Sunday and no Dad around, we had a quiet day recovering from Saturday when Dad is around. Ram loves his dad, but finds it tiring to have him here.

As the weather wasn't that good, we caught up with some TV. We watched the last two episodes of Paul Merton's China. I wonder if he knows that there are all these home educated families out there using this series as well as his series on the Silent Cinema, as educational material.

I guess that makes Paul Merton one of our teachers!

A Day Tinged with Sadness

2007-06-16T07:48:00.000+01:00

Today was a day tinged with sadness. My dear friend, MDF, is in hospital again. Her husband rang this morning to say that she had had another stroke on Friday morning. She had her first one about 18 months ago, and although recovery was slow, she was making good progress.

Now all that will be set back again by six months to a year. The stroke wasn't as bad as the first one, but they had thought the first one was a one off, and now it seems it wasn't. There is not much I can do while she is in hospital, but hopefully she will be home again next week so that we can go and visit her.

Today was also Father's Day for us. Even though it is on Sunday, as Dxh comes on Monday for respite day, Ram and Dxh both felt that two days in a row were too much for them!

I decided to get the new barbecue going, but when we went to connect the cylinder we realised that I had go the wrong one! Dxh offered to go return it and get the right one, and Ram went with him so that he could have an ice-cream. When they got back Ram tried to tell me that he had two instead of one, but I didn't believe him. Lying isn't something that comes naturally to either of my boys!

We finally got the beast going. I had had to start the pork chops in the oven while they were getting the correct cylinder, but we managed finish them off on the barbecue, along with cooking the veggies.

Then after we had eaten, I made coffee and Ram carried it out on the tray he had made for Dad, singing 'Happy Father's Day' to the tune of Happy Birthday! Dxh was very pleased with it, especially as Ram did so much of it himself. And I think Ram was proud too. It is so hard to tell though as he doesn't always reflect his emotions in his face.

We spent the rest of the day in and out of the house between rain storms and the computer games. I also managed a little research into the drugs that have been recommended to MDF. It was one less thing for her husband to do. It isn't that we don't trust doctors, it is that they don't always have time to discuss all the options.

After Dxh left we settled down to Dr Who. Neither of us can wait for next week's episode!

And I must have been really tired when I went bed, as Ram kept laughing at the jokes in the book I was reading and I didn't even realise they were funny!

A Revelation About Phones

2007-06-15T23:16:00.000+01:00

We finished our Dr Who book this morning. We only had two chapters to read so we finished it quit quickly, but that was a problem because Ram usually spends at least an hour in bed listening to me read before getting up and dressed, so spend less time is a problem. He can't just get out of bed. The change to the routine is too much for him.

So we had an extra long cuddle first before getting dressed. I had to put on a load on laundry and do a couple of things around the house, then we watched the rental DVD which was White Fang, the film based on Jack London's book. At the end Ram said it was fiction, not fact so it didn't really happen, so I had to explain that it didn't exactly happen like that, but that it was a reflection of what happened in the Klondike based on Jack London's experiences there. I think he understood that!

There was a thunder storm so we had to turn off the computers and disconnect the Internet. We have wireless broadband in the village so if the aerials get hit, it runs up the wires into the computers!

We took this time to work on the Father's Day project. Ram had laid out the tiles for the mosaic in the tray but he didn't want to glue them on in case he made a mistake. So I started doing it and showed him how slow drying the glue was so that you could make mistakes and it didn't matter. It seemed to convince him and he took over from me!

After we had finished that and the storm was over, Ram went back to him computer game while we had lunch and while I had my nap. I have had a couple of broken nights and really late nights and I was so tired I fell asleep immediately! I would have liked to have stayed in bed when the timer went off but I know that Ram would start to get anxious if I didn't stick to routine.

We went off to the garage this afternoon to get a new gas cylinder for the barbecue. The old one used butane but this new one uses propane so we had a quick discussion about that. We also had a chat with the garage owner about security and how people break into the cage they keep the cylinders in. They know us really well down there and know we home educate and they always have time for Ram's questions. So much of what he learns is picked up in little ways like this.

When we got back we played Castle Wars.. Ram has played before so he won the first game very easily. The second game I was given some useless cards so I lost again. At least that is my excuse and I am sticking to it!

We started a third game but I had to abandon it as if I didn't go and make the pasta, no one else would and we wouldn't get any supper!

We then watched the final episode of Spring Watch. Evenings just won't be the same without Bill and Kate to make us laugh!

We then had a power failure. There was no rain, wind or lightning so we don't know why. I rang the electricity company and while I was on the phone Ram started talking to me. I asked him to stop because I couldn't hear the recorded message and he got really annoyed. I know that while they are annoyed is not the right time to discuss things so I left it until we went to bed.

I pointed out to Ram that I can't talk to two people at once. He said that I do it when Dad is here. I asked when had I been on the phone when Dad was here and he explained that what he meant was that when Dad was here there were three of us talking.

So I pointed out that it was different as it was a three way conversation which we all took part in because we were all in the same room and could take turns. I pointed out that when I was on the phone the person on the other end couldn't hear what he was saying and wouldn't know that there was someone else taking so it ends up with two people talking at once.

Ram went very quiet! I don't think he had realised that that was how telephones worked!

This explains why I had so much problem being on the phone when Ram is around, and hopefully this will help him understand how phones work.

We managed to get to bed a little earlier tonight, as it was so dark because of the rain storms. We did watch the first five minutes of the 10 o'clock news to see how much rain the rest of the country had, but we have been lucky down here it seems with no flooding.

We started another Discworld book this evening, called Sorcerer. I think it must be the funniest one yet as we were both laughing hard before we had even got to the story proper!

Managed Some Crafts!

2007-06-14T23:30:00.000+01:00

Last night was a late night for us again. Ram just can't get to sleep if there is the slightest bit of light around, so I have given up tying to get to bed at a decent time. The problem is Arrow likes to get up with the cows next door! They start milking them at 10 to six, so if I don't get up then, Arrow reminds me with a bark or two!

Because Ram was late getting to sleep I let him sleep in for a while. When he did wake up we did our usual reading in bed. Because he was late waking up it meant that we didn't actually get out of bed to get dressed until 11! By the time he had breakfast it was nearly my lunch time. But one of the joys of home education is that you can do these things, and there isn't anyone to tell you that you have to have lunch at a certain time.

It was raining again today on and off, which is great because the veggies I planted out the other day needed it. Unfortunately it also brings out the snails so I hope the thrushes were busy too!

As it was raining, after his morning of Dr Who Ram went back onto the computer to play his Warhammer game. That meant that I could catch up with some emails. Most of my social life takes place on the Internet these days. One email list I belong to is for spinners and weavers and there were a few of them yesterday that seemed to be at a loose end and we had a great old time with lots of banter, and reminisces of the old days. They are a great bunch of people and it is like going out to a party sometimes, only without having to leave my chair.

Ram decided to make something for Dxh for Father's day, and has chosen a tray, so that he can carry his cup of tea and biscuits from his kitchen to his sitting room. He is going to make a mosaic for the tray. We bought all the materials from Opitec some time ago, but it is only now that Ram feels ready to work on it. He laid out the tiles the way he wanted them, but then found that he didn't have enough to do the pattern he wanted. I made a few suggestions, and eventually he found a way to do the last few rows keeping the symmetry he wanted.

He doesn't want to glue the tiles down himself because he is afraid that he will do it wrong, so I will do that for him, then we can get mucky together and put the grout in.

Ram finds this sort of creativity very difficult. He has ideas in his head but because they don't come out they way he wants them to, he rarely will try to do them. He hated colouring as a little one because he couldn't keep in the lines, so he never did it even though I told him that if he practised it would become easier.

I loved colouring as a child, so I had been collecting colouring books from charity shops for him! Luckily his friend Sheepy likes to colour so he gets the pick of the colouring books when he comes round. And if I had the time I would colour them myself!

After Spring Watch we went back to our computers until it was dark. By then I was nearly asleep on my feet. Ram however, had loads more to tell me about Bionicles! Poor thing. I know he loves them and I do try to show an interest, but at 11 at night, I just can't manage it!

Wednesday:The Rain is My Fault - and Our Own Private Spring Watch

2007-06-13T21:01:00.000+01:00

We found out this morning why the sheep were talking to Ram last night. They were telling him all about their excitement of being sheered!

Our lovely farmer next door knocked on the door first thing to let us know that the fleeces were ready. She and her daughter had them all set out, some with names for spinning and the rest in a pile for insulation. There are only 11 all together, but that will keep me going for a while.

After we made some meringues to make up for not getting any yesterday, we went over and got them. We also heard that one of them had a nasty nick on her belly. It would have been what they call a pumper on ER! Luckily their daughter, who is hoping to be a veterinary nurse, was able to stop it. Because they had been sheered it meant that they could wrap a bandage round the whole sheep to keep the packing in place, and this morning she was fine. In fact they all went back down to the fields.

We finally had our barbecue delivered today. I have had a gas barbecue for many years, and the last one had rusted out, so I chose a slightly more robust one this time. It was delivered before I had my nap, but the weather looked ok, so I left it in its box outside, along with the fleeces.

However, when I got up from my nap, the black clouds had arrived. As I went out to see to the fleeces the big drops starting pinging slowly down. It was a mad dash to get the fleece either in the house or in the garage. Wool can absorb a huge amount of water and I didn't really want to have to lug around heavy wet fleeces.

Then as it really started to pour I realised that I couldn't leave the barbecue outside in the cardboard box, but it was too heavy for me to carry inside! It meant a rapid emptying of the box into an already crowded house. Ram had received his Lego in the post as well today and was busy putting that together!

In the end we spent the afternoon putting things together, Ram with his Lego and me with my barbecue, which is just like a Lego model for adults.

So you see, the rain was my fault!

We have also been having our own private Spring Watch today. It started last night really, with bats flying around while Ram had the bedroom window open for the conversation with the sheep. Then this morning while we were doing Ram's hair we watched an adult black bird with a juvenile following him around asking for food. Then of course there were the sheep with their short back and sides (and belly!) for the summer. And when the rain started we were able to see much more. A pair of thrushes started to look for worms, which is great news as we were worried that the thrush that died was and adult and that the chicks may not have survived. We also got a great look at some very wet and very newly fledged blue tits on the feeder on the window, as well as a frog that kept hopping up and down the path outside the window.

The lovely Kate Humble wasn't with us of course so it wasn't quite the same as watching it on TV, but I am not sure whose jokes are worse, Bill Oddie's or Ram's