Ram has actually been reasonably happy lately. He went through a very bad patch a couple of years ago where he was feeling suicidal. I think that must be one of the scariest things for a parent; knowing that your child is that unhappy, but not being able to help them, because they don't have the language to talk about it.
Back then, once Ram expressed his unhappiness (while sitting on the side of the bath with a toothbrush in his hand!) I was able to look out for it. It hasn't gone away, but I can usually see when things are getting too much for him.
One thing that made our trip to York much better and left Ram feeling much happier was our friends picking us up from the station. We tried public transport last time but Ram was really distressed. This time when they dropped us at the station, because of going in the car, Ram started the journey home much less stress and much happier, which meant that he was more calm on the train.
But right now is one of those times when I have needed to be aware that he isn't too happy. He is really struggling with strangers, both here at the house and in public. This has made shopping almost impossible and even swimming has suffered.
We had lost his prescription swimming goggles before we went to York. This meant that the first week we came back we couldn't go swimming. Then we found them, about an hour after I ordered another pair of course! Luckily we managed to cancel the order in time!
Ram seemed to be looking forward to swimming but when we woke up on that morning he said he didn't feel well enough to go. We left it that week and stayed home.
Then the next week again he seemed happy knowing that he was going swimming the next day, but again he woke up feeling that he couldn't go. This time he said he was too cold!
I had a little think. He certainly had been finding it difficult going swimming. He was becoming more and more distressed in the changing room, and taking longer to settle in the pool too.
So I had a little chat with him and suggested that we take a break for a couple of weeks and then reassess the situation. He looked so relieved! Then we moved onto shopping. He has been getting The Horrible Science magazines so there has always been two reasons to go out on a Tuesday. He felt that he didn't want to get them anymore as they had extended the original term and he has grown out of them. So we agree that we would go shopping that morning, to cancel the magazines and pick up a few things we needed, and have our treat at the bakery.
Ram started out ok, but he got more and more distressed as time went on. In the end he sat in the buggy with the blanket over his head baaaaaaing like a sheep.
Good thing I am not worried about how people perceive me! When we got back to the car he was very quiet.
I let him relax and think a bit in the car, then as we were approaching the village, I said that I felt that he is much more stressed when out and about than he has been. He said that he was really having a problem with strangers, but that he thought it would be ok again in a few years time!
So we have agreed that Ram doesn't have to go shopping or swimming, or out for any other reason for a while.
After all, it is better to have him happy and at home, than to be stressed but social!
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