My Boy is Growing Up

It was a very hectic day for the adults of the house, but Ram was busy too. Busy learning new skills and consolidating others.

It was respite day so the Dxh arrived at 10 and I went out to do the last monthly shop before Christmas. While in bed I told Ram that if there was anything that he was expecting in his stocking he needed to tell me now, and I also needed to know if there was anything special that he wanted to eat on Christmas day.

Often he just assumes that I know these things and then gets upset when they don't appear!

After a little thought he informed me that he didn't want an orange in his, he would prefer a lemon because they are more acidic! I said that would be fine but then we went through all the different types of citrus fruit and how they taste.

Then he went on to say that the special thing he wanted to eat on Christmas day was Rise Krispie Squares! So easy and simple to make, and can be done ahead of time. But I will have to hide them so he doesn't eat them before the day!

I then went off to shop while the Dxh and Ram played. It was very busy and it took me a long time to get a parking spot (in rural areas, although those that live in town can walk, most people have to drive into town) and the shops were more crowded than usual. And yet in Somerfield they kept saying that they would be open on Boxing Day and New Year's Day as well as until late every night! So I am not sure what the rush is all about!

When in the green grocer's I bought one of each citrus fruit they had, so hopefully over the next week or so we can get Ram to try them all. He seems so much more open to new things just at the moment.

After lunch Dxh started working on the underfloor heating that wasn't working quite right. We suspected that the motorised valves were gummed up with lime scale, so I read aloud to Ram while he worked in the next room, occasionally going into help. Ram didn't mind much because he was really busy making a Christmas present for Bob, his cuddly sheep!

I don't think Ram has ever thought about someone else in that way, and certainly hasn't made something on his own accord for someone else before. Mind you, it is Lego! It is a Lego weapon suit. I can't show a photo of it because we then wrapped it!

Ram said that most amazing thing while we were choosing the paper out of our selection of reclaimed wrapping paper. He actually said that he wanted to choose a paper that Bob would like and went though each one to find one that he thought Bob would like! Ram usually doesn't really understand about what other people want, but can only see things from his own point of view. This is a big change for him.

As the Dxh was busy with the heating, we went out and prepared to bring the tree in. Ram has never used a large saw before, so I taught him how to use the cross cut saw. It took him a few minutes to get the hang of it, and he managed to cut through half the trunk before his arm got tired. He then said another amazing thing. He said that he wasn't as good as me as he hadn't had enough practice and wasn't as strong as me!

Usually when Ram tries something if he can't do it perfectly he gives up immediately and doesn't try again saying that he is no good and will never be able to do it. But today he carried on until he was better and when I suggested that by next year he would be strong enough to cut the whole trunk off, he agreed!

My boy is growing up!

After we got the tree in we went up to see how Dxh was doing. I took apart one of the old valves to see if it was indeed lime scale that caused it to fail. We then gave Ram a quick lesson on how valves work.

It was getting on for a cup of tea time, so I went down to put the kettle on. I heard an exclamation coming from the bathroom where the boys were working, and called up to see if everything was all right. Dxh said yes, then Ram came out and said that Dad had caused an explosion and there was a bang and a flash of light but it was ok because he was still alive.

I thought he was teasing me, as he had said the same thing this morning to me. Then Dxh came down with the multimeter (measures electricity) to show me the melted tips of the probes! Ram had been telling me the truth! So Dxh had to give Ram a quick lesson in electricity! (Dxh is a registered electrician so don't worry, he does know his stuff, he just had the multimeter on the wrong setting!)

With all my men safely back downstairs (Bob had been watching but was carefully put out of range of danger) we finished setting the tree up, and put the first present under it, which of course was Bob's! Ram was really excited for Bob, which is amazing as you would think that Ram would want one of his presents to be first under the tree.

There is a definite shift in the way Ram is thinking. First he started treating a stuffed animal in a way that a toddler would, and then he started putting that animal first before his own needs.

This is all so exciting for me just like the excitement a mum feels when her toddler starts to grow up and do cute things like this.

And who knows, maybe I might be the recipient of the first present next year!

The Games We Play

We have just invented two new games. The first is called Bin Pong. Dxh and Ram invented it while outside playing on Saturday. They started with one of those really bouncy little rubber balls. Somehow, then they decided to use bin lids a 'bats' to hit it back and forth to each other along the length of the drive, hence the name Bin Pong!

Then yesterday Ram was bouncing a ping pong ball around in the house, so I dug out the ping pong bats that I had got from a charity shop many years ago 'just in case' and we started playing around with it. We cleared some space down stairs and played ping pong without the benefit of a table. Sort of whole house ping pong.

As Ram's coordination isn't the best (neither is mine!) and it was the first time he had ever played, and we weren't playing with a table, the ball was going all over the place. As it hit various things in the house it would make a pinging noise, sometimes making quite musical intervals as it bounced off things like glassware, large bowls and the milk churn.

Ram's eyes lit up as he said: 'I think we should call this Ding Dong!

So there you are, Bin Pong and Ding Dong. Two new games to play this Christmas!

The Tudors

The Tudors

ram and I have avidly been watching The Tudors on BBC1 on Friday evenings. This is another very good example of how we don't plan lessons in advance, but how autonomous home educating parents do some preparation and facilitation to help learning happen.

After the series started I noticed in The Book People's catalogue a set of 10 books called A Very Short Introduction:British History. So I ordered that and also A Very Short Introduction to Warfare.

I am not reading these to Ram at the moment, but I have them in the bathroom in my reading basket. I have been reading the one about the Tudors while the series has been running. Sometimes I read a bit out to Ram if he is in the bathroom with me, other times I just save the information for later discussion.

I know that people have said that The Tudors are not historically accurate, but we have used that too for learning. I checked out the Wikipedia page on it for the inaccuracies and that too became part of the discussions as we talked about why they changed things about.

I know that some might think that the sex in The Tudors might not make it a good choice of programme for an 11 year old. Choosing what Ram can and cannot watch started some time ago when he saw the adverts for The Matrix and wanted to watch it. I knew that Dxh had seen it and I had made a judgement about the film from the figure of the leather clad Trinity on top of his TV!

But rather than saying no to Ram, we decided to discuss with with Dxh, especially as he had seen it and I hadn't. Dxh assured me that there wasn't any kinky sex in it, which I had assumed, and although there was some violence, it was very stylised and he felt that Ram could handle it.

In discussing it with some friends one of them said something that has always stuck with me. She said it is strange how we don't want our children to grow up killing people, and yet we let them watch violence, but we do want them to grow up to make love, and yet we stop them from watching films with sex in it!

In the end Ram did watch The Matrix and I am really glad I didn't try to stop him, because for him it was a very important film. It wasn't the violence that interested him, it was the thought that this world might just be an illusion! From there we got onto some pretty heavy philosophy.

So when the Tudors came along, I decided that as I wanted him to have relationships with women, and because I know that people on the spectrum often have difficulties with relationships and sex, and because the only sex he sees around here are the ponies and sheep on the farm, I let him watch it. Again I am glad that he did. The sex wasn't embarrassing for him, as it would be for some young people, and I felt that it was appropriate sex.

And as the last episode closed he learned what coitus interruptus is. A very important lesson!

Peru

Sometimes I am asked if I plan lessons in advance. I don't think I have even planned a lesson in my life, let alone in advance! Often something unexpected comes up and we find an opertunity to learn more than we were expecting. There is certainly no 'planning in advance' but I guess there is some preparation on my part.

We have been taking a break from reading the Discworld books, and started reading Anthony Horowitz's Power of Five series. The first book just happened to take place mainly in Yorkshire, so we were familiar with a few of the settings. The second book however takes place in Peru, a country that we know very little about! What a chance for home education!

First of all, Horowitz has obviously done a lot of research, and through the book we are introduced to the shanty towns, and the wealthy. They travel through Peru to Cuzco and Nazca, and the descriptions along the way are wonderful. We got the trusty old geographical atlas that we have in the bedroom, and started following the trail.

As usual, when looking at the atlas, we turned pages and looked at the weather, the composition of the soil, precipitation, and so on. From there we went round looking for deserts that were not made of sand!

I also got onto a fellow home educator who has a boyfriend in Peru, and she gave us information about where she has been, and where she was travelling to the next week as well as a bit of an idea of what it is really like out there. From there we went back to the atlas, and also onto Google Earth.

Google Earth is a home educator's dream! We spent over an hour looking for the Inca temples, the shanty towns, and the lines in the earth at Nazca. We also looked at the social side too. In the book there is very little about the average Peruvian. We knew that there would be some very wealthy individuals, but we at first thought that their middle classes were not very weathly as we could find no swimming pools. Then, all of the sudden we found the wealthy suburbs of Lima complete with swimming pools!

One of the features of Google Earth is the photographs that you can click on. Some were the typical glossy photos of Churches, so we could study the architecture of those, but there were also a lot of plain ordinary houses in there too, which gave us a piture of what life is really like.

It was also interesting to see the overhead view of how the cities fit into the mountains, and then look at panoramic photos of the city nestling in amongst the mountain.

We were even able to tie chocolate in! Peruvian chocolate was mentioned in the book, and I found some Fair Trade Peruvian Chocolate in our local supermarket. I bought some and we all had a try of it, even Ram, who usually refuses to eat anything other than white chocolate. I was proud of him for trying it, but pleased that he didn't like it, so that I could finish the rest of the bar!

We hadn't planned to study Peru, and I had had no idea that was where we were heading, but that to us is what autonomous home education is all about; taking opportunities when they are offered.

Some Days Are Just Too Frustrating

Today was a grey day, so after reading for a while (newspapers and birthday books) we settled down to watch some recorded TV. We were half way through the second Dispatches programme, when Ram started being silly with a large plastic coat-hanger. It was mildly annoying, but mostly I was worried that as he threw it through the air it would knock over my glass of water, so I asked him to either stop, or move else where.

I knew immediately that it was not going to work. He snapped that he wanted to watch the programme too, but didn't carry on with the coat-hanger throwing. He did however carry on being angry.

He then loaded up some Bionicle weapons that he has developed and shot me with them. It was when he got the larger weapons out and started aiming for me that I knew I had to act.

I paused the TV, and said, 'I can see that you are aiming these weapons at me, so you must be angry with me. Is it because I asked you to stop with the coat-hanger?' He thought for a moment, sat down, and said partly, but added that he just felt that things were not going right today.

I suggested that he was extra autistic this morning, almost ADHD, and maybe he needed to get rid of some energy. He brightened up and suggested that we go outside and bounce on the trampoline! I agreed, and then we both dived for the toilet! Not a good idea to bounce on a full bladder!

We then ran outside, only to find that it had just started raining! Ram was immediately furious, and not surprisingly. He already felt that the day was wrong, then just when we agreed on something to help, it went wrong again.

We got inside and he said that he wanted a punch bag so that he could kill something. I have a cut down duvet cover full of sheep's wool waiting to be spun, so I got that out and tied a rope around the top. Ram took down the trapeze and I put the makeshift punch bag and off Ram went!

He hit, kicked and punched the bag for 30 minutes! All the while I was able to potter around and tidy up, at the same time as watching him. After that he felt much better. He rested for a few minutes, then he started again. This time he tried different things, like sticks, jumping up in the air and kicking, and a length of chain.

He carried on for nearly an hour, until finally he had had enough. Now my happy chappy was relaxed enough to sit with me and watch Smart, followed by Blue Peter. Half way through Blue Peter he got restless again, so he got up and found my old winter motorcycle gloves, and used them as boxing gloves. Luckily having an open plan barn to live in he could do that and still watch Blue Peter.

I knew that he wasn't having a good day, and I could have handled the coat-hanger incident differently, but by thinking on my feet rather than getting angry at him, we have not only recovered the day, but had some with it.

Yes, even I have had a go!

The Birthday Boy!

The Birthday Boy!

We are still recovering from Ram's birthday. We had a great time with our friends and it was one of the best visits despite Banana and Sheepy brining with them coughs. Poor Ursula didn't get much sleep because Sheepy came down with an earache the day after the birthday.

The kids had Thursday and Friday to play about, and some serious Legoing was done, as well as trapeze practice. Part of the fun of the trapeze for some was using the milk churn on its side to do some log rolling. When Ram came to bed on Friday night I asked why he was upset with things,and he told me that the milk churn makes too much noise. So the next morning, rather than just say that they couldn't do it anymore, we sought a solution. It came very quickly. We got an old rug down from upstairs and put that down on the floor. Problem solved!

I always like to think things through and find a win win solution, rather than just being confrontational and telling people to stop what they are doing.

Saturday was birthday day, and although we were hoping that Ram could hold out until Dxh got there to open presents, because we werent' sure when he was arriving, Ram couldn't wait. He got a wonderful book from The Dog Walker called The Dastardly Book For Dogs, some more Lego (you can never have enough) and a new Gameboy Game called Harvest Moon.

Of course the main present didn't come out until later in the day. My son has had a right of passage and has his first air rifle! I know that for some people, especially those in towns, you may find that a shock, but here in the deepest countryside, and with the people that we associate with, this is a really big thing.

Ram is taking it very seriously, and despite his usual blank expression, you could see that he was really pleased. He is looking forward to improving his skill. Mind you, his first shot hit the bull's eye so he won't have far to go!

Ram didn't want every one coming at the same time, so in the afternoon we had another family round for tea and cake. The kids got on well, but by the time they left it was clear that Ram was flagging. Luckily Robin Hood was on and we all sat down to watch that together.

We didn't plan anything for the next day, so that the kids could just chill. It was lucky really because Sheepy came down with earache! We ended up with a day of films. We watch the newly released Harry Potter DVD, one that they brought with them, which was great because we can't go to the cinema (way to loud for autistic kids!) so we often don't get to watch films until a year later when they come out on DVD.

Then we watched the current rental DVD which was Flushed Away. A lovely animation just right for kids who are stress or under the weather. Then they watched Matilda which just happen to be on TV, and then there was a fourth one, that I can't even remember! But then someone had to be in the kitchen making food!

After Ursula and family left on Monday it was clear that Ram had been holding himself together and had only just made it to the end. He sat for the entire morning in a chair with a blanket over him, listening to me read. Then the whole afternoon was spent watching TV that we had recorded while there were here.

Ram decided that he didn't want anyone around for the rest of the week, including his Dad. And indeed, we have spent the last few days doing very little.

To people outside the family they probably saw a lively boy enjoying his birthday. What they don't see is the after effects, and just how much energy is taking up in appearing to be normal.

But no matter, Ram had a wonderful time, and I am sure it was made all the more bearable by knowing that he would have lots of time to recover.

Day of Interruptions

Another day was spent reading Discworld. In fact, it is really taking over things. When I was preparing supper and listening to the six o'clock news on BBC radio, I heard that there were going to increase the number of police officers in Scotland, and before I knew it I was asking myself if they were going to include dwarfs, vampires and werewolves in the force!

It wasn't all plain sailing today though. We read in bed until after 10, but then Ram took longer than usual to get dressed. There is no hurrying him, as if you do it makes him so stressed that he ends up back in bed!

I left him to get his clothes on after putting his ankle supports on, as this used to be the best way to get him dressed in the quickest time. He didn't like being alone in the room so he would get his clothes on quickly to join me in the bathroom. But he ended up just lying in bed thinking, which I have no problem with, as quietly thinking is an important part of education, but it did mean that it was after 11 by the time we got downstairs for breakfast.

We then we upstairs to read, so that Ram could Lego. But first I had to ring the company that sold us the new breadmachine that wasn't working, then pack it up to return it. Then I went up and read for a bit, then remembered that as it was a nice day we had to put out the bedding from the guest room to air, then I had to take a phone call from Ursula confirming some details about the visit that couldn't be done on email.

Then we had lunch. Ram shouted at me to start reading again so I had to point out that I couldn't read and eat at the same time! He knows this, and can see that I am eating, but can't put two and two together. He was clearly getting frustrated with the interruptions.

Then they arrived to take the breadmaker back, then another phone call from Ursula, then from Dxh to say that the plumber was on the way to check which valve was broken, and by then it was four PM, and the plumber arrived!

We did get a lot of reading done, but there was also a lot of interruptions which made Ram very angry. He really can't cope yet with me on the phone.

In fact he brought it up again when we went to bed. He said he really couldn't understand why I had to be on the phone. He couldn't understand why I couldn't tell him what I was talking about at the same time that I was talking to the person.

I don't understand why he can't cope with me on the phone, and to a lesser extent me emailing people. But maybe one day he will be able to understand himself and that will make things easier.

And I wonder if the reason why he likes me to read in bed so much is because it is much harder for me to answer the phone or do emails!

Who Needs a Bath Anyway!

We had a typical relaxing Sunday today. We read all morning. I started out reading the Discworld book, but it didn't last long because Ram wanted to read the Warhammer book that he has borrowed from the home ed group!

I really don't understand the Warhammer stuff. I suppose I could do if I really tried and studied it like Ram does, but I just don't have the time. Or as Ram puts it I am better at taking care of people than killing them!

We also caught up on some recorded TV. We watched the programme on the housing market. Ram took it all in even though he is many years away from being a first time buyer! Then we watched a two hour programme on The Great Wall of China. It was one of the most comprehensive programmes on the wall we have ever watched and it held Ram's attention for the whole two hours.

I did however, make a little mistake. I said that he would have to have his monthly bath after the programme, not realising that it was a two hour programme! So of course it was too late to have the bath afterwards as it was already past bedtime – well, mine at least!

So there we are, another month has past and I hasn't managed to get him in the bath. Mind you, it shows that if you don't bath regularly some how you become self cleaning, as he doesn't look or smell that dirty!

Talk, Talk, Talk, and More Laughter!

As expected we had a great day of purposive conversation. We started out reading of course, but once Dxh arrived we sat around with a cup of tea going over the events of the last few days.

We then went over to the farm to show Dxh the damage, and do some debris collecting. One of the interesting things that was pointed out to us was that there were five roofing sheets, each 10 feet long, that were blown away, and there isn't enough debris around the farm and in our garden to account for them! So where are the rest?



The small pile that we collected this morning. Where is the rest?







We are all still jumpy in the wind. I was looking at some more debris with the Dog Walker (daughter of Glow the Farmer) when there was a sudden gust of wind, and both of us tensed up! I just wanted to get back inside just in case! Silly really because I don't think it will happen again.

Some of the bad news is that the roof that was damaged the most was very old one, which was curved. Apparently they don't make curved roofing sheets anymore, so they may have to replace the whole roof with something more modern. It is a shame because that curved roof looks so pleasing to the eye, in the middle of the more angular roofs.




The damaged curved roof from a distance. The black hole is where the roof is missing.







I like to see something good come out of something bad. We were wondering what to do with the broken wheelbarrow that damaged my car. Then I was wondering where to put the strawberry plants that needed to be dug out of the fruit cage as they were not doing well in there, and were getting stepped on when picking the currents. It didn't take long to put two and two together and the wheelbarrow is now home to the strawberries!




Mobile strawberries!








In the afternoon we did more talking, and discussed some of the Discworld novels and television programmes we watched this week. Then we started tidying up. It is Ram's birthday and Ursula, Banana and Sheepy are coming to stay for a few days. This means that we need the big kitchen table cleared of all the home ed and craft projects cleared so we all have somewhere to sit and eat!

We had a great time doing it. We laughed a lot, teased each other, had a couple of tickle sessions, and did lots of talking altogether.

I wonder how many other families, especially those with children in school, spend so much time just talking and laughing together. I certainly feel that it keeps us close and happy.

Although I could have done without the verbal diarrhoea last night at bedtime. Ram just kept talking about nothing in particular. At one point after about five minutes of talking non stop he said something along the lines of: “Then of course you need genetically modified pigs to get them to fly, but all you have to do is say maaa twice and it will not work.”

I hadn't said a word, but just stared at him. Finally after this nonsense sentence, he realised I was just looking at him and stopped. We looked at each other and then just laughed! Then we had a cuddle, snuggled into bed, and read more Discworld, and laughed some more. I am sure the laughter helps us relax and get to sleep!

Education in Bed

After yesterday's excitement in the morning, Ram became very tired in the afternoon. At first he wanted me to read aloud to him.

Oh, lets just back track there a bit! At the moment, and for the last couple of months we have been reading our way through the Discworld books by Terry Pratchett. They have proved to be highly educational, not only the regular books themselves, but also the three 'Science of Discworld' books.

By reading these books aloud to Ram I can do a verbal annotation, like the ones that are available on the Internet. It is a wonderful example of how purposive conversation works. We will read a line such as "'They were myths and they were real,' he said loudly. 'Both a wave and a particle.'"
which is from Guards! Guards! and that will lead to a discussion about how light acts as both a wave and a particle, bringing in the science that we learned from the Science books! It takes us much longer to read these books that reading the actual words, as we often stop to discuss things!

Not only that, the Dxh is also reading them so when he comes on Saturdays we usually discuss the whole thing again. This can bring in other opinions, which is helps Ram learn that people can have differing opinions about the same thing, as well as a greater level of science understanding.

Anyway, back to yesterday. Even through Ram was eager to start the next book Feet of Clay, he wasn't really happy about it. He decided to go on the computer instead. I then had another conversation with Glow the farmer and suggested that Ram and I help with the clean up operation. Ram then said that he was too tired to do anything like that. So I left him looking up Pokemon data!

It is actually lovely to see him doing this, as a few years ago when he was into Pokemon he couldn't read it for himself. He is now really excited reading his own Pokemon books because he realises now how much he was missing when he couldn't read.

In the evening we watched the wildlife programmes on Channel Five, then The Tudors. At 10 o'clock there is a mad dash for bed so that Ram can watch Q.I. Live. At the end I turned over briefly to BBC1 to catch the weather, a topic that is in the forefront at the moment. Ram noticed that there was a particularly low temperature on the top most island above Scotland, so when we turned the TV off I reached for the atlas.

Yes, we keep an old physical geography atlas in the bedroom, just for moments like this!

This is a very old atlas that we bought from a charity shop. One reason I got it was because it is physical geography (weather, ground level, and so on) rather than the social geography that is more popular now, and another is to show how countries and their names have changed.

The first thing we noticed was that the island in question was not Shetland, but Zetland! So one of my jobs this morning is to look up when the name Zetland fell from use so that I can drop that into our purposive conversation today!

Then for some reason Ram wanted to look at Canada, so we had to go though the whole atlas to get to Canada (yes, I new it was at the end but didn't tell him so that we would have to go through the whole book!) looking at many interesting things on the way.

The great thing about home education, is that it can take place at any time of the day – or night!

The Day After the Tornado

We have just come back from our tour of damage. It seems that the twister went through open countryside, clipped one farm, throught the garden of a house, lifting among other things their trampoline, hit the farm next to us with full force taking off sections of roof, then through the end of our garden and onto open countryside again where was there no evidence of any further damage.

I am sure that if there were no witnesses, no one whould have known what had happened, as it apprears that the rest of the village is totally unaffected!

Here are some photos to prove that we are not making it all up!



The main damage to the roof, parts of which were found 200 metres away!






Ram found several pieces as large as he is, just lying up against the farm side of the wall of our garden.






All that is left of the neighbour's trampoline.




This piece of roofing dug into the ground, so it is amazing that no one was hurt!



This apple tree won't make it...



...but this one might as the roots weren't ripped out and the trunk has only bent, not snapped.



This is the bath tub water butt that flew through the air over the wall into the paddock where the two apple trees were blown over.




The only structural damage we had was to the treehouse. The upright on the left should be vertical and couple of feet to the right! I am not sure we can fix it as the whole tree seems to have shifted, so we may have to take it down and start again.

We were lucky really. The car was badly scratched by a wheelbarrow flipping over, but it was in a not very noticble place and will easily be repaired. We have found the dog bowl that went missing in some brambles, the lid to the birdfeed storage bin in the paddock next door (although the feed may have to be ditched as it got rather wet), and the bolster pillow under our trampoline. This was quite interesting as the trampoline was in the opposite direction to the prevailing wind in relation to where the bolster started out. More proof that it was a tornado rather than just strong winds!

I had a chat with Glow (we have given her the name of one of her cows, to protect her identity!) the farmer and we both realised that it was only this morning that we could talk about it without our hearts beating fast!

For something that lasted so short a time, it has certainly had a huge impact!

Tornado Hits Leighterton!

Just a quick note to say that this afternoon we had a tornado rip through our garden and the farm next door.

It was just like people who are interviewed on the TV say; there was a roaring wind, then all the leaves in the garden were in the air swirling together like ballet dancers, then the bathtub at the bottom of the garden that we use as a water but went up in the air and over the wall into the paddock beyond!

The farm has come off much worse though, with many roof panels being ripped off. Luckily all the livestock and people were ok, but the farmer reckons there is around £10,000 worth of damage to the buildings.

But Mother Natures temper doesn't last long. There is now clear skys and a promise of a lovely sunset!

Must go back to Ram. We are watching a film where Mother Nature also figures highly; The Call of the Wild. I am not sure which I would prefer, a tornado, or a blizzard in the Arctic!

And Be Merry!

Ram has actually been reasonably happy lately. He went through a very bad patch a couple of years ago where he was feeling suicidal. I think that must be one of the scariest things for a parent; knowing that your child is that unhappy, but not being able to help them, because they don't have the language to talk about it.

Back then, once Ram expressed his unhappiness (while sitting on the side of the bath with a toothbrush in his hand!) I was able to look out for it. It hasn't gone away, but I can usually see when things are getting too much for him.

One thing that made our trip to York much better and left Ram feeling much happier was our friends picking us up from the station. We tried public transport last time but Ram was really distressed. This time when they dropped us at the station, because of going in the car, Ram started the journey home much less stress and much happier, which meant that he was more calm on the train.

But right now is one of those times when I have needed to be aware that he isn't too happy. He is really struggling with strangers, both here at the house and in public. This has made shopping almost impossible and even swimming has suffered.

We had lost his prescription swimming goggles before we went to York. This meant that the first week we came back we couldn't go swimming. Then we found them, about an hour after I ordered another pair of course! Luckily we managed to cancel the order in time!

Ram seemed to be looking forward to swimming but when we woke up on that morning he said he didn't feel well enough to go. We left it that week and stayed home.

Then the next week again he seemed happy knowing that he was going swimming the next day, but again he woke up feeling that he couldn't go. This time he said he was too cold!

I had a little think. He certainly had been finding it difficult going swimming. He was becoming more and more distressed in the changing room, and taking longer to settle in the pool too.

So I had a little chat with him and suggested that we take a break for a couple of weeks and then reassess the situation. He looked so relieved! Then we moved onto shopping. He has been getting The Horrible Science magazines so there has always been two reasons to go out on a Tuesday. He felt that he didn't want to get them anymore as they had extended the original term and he has grown out of them. So we agree that we would go shopping that morning, to cancel the magazines and pick up a few things we needed, and have our treat at the bakery.

Ram started out ok, but he got more and more distressed as time went on. In the end he sat in the buggy with the blanket over his head baaaaaaing like a sheep.

Good thing I am not worried about how people perceive me! When we got back to the car he was very quiet.

I let him relax and think a bit in the car, then as we were approaching the village, I said that I felt that he is much more stressed when out and about than he has been. He said that he was really having a problem with strangers, but that he thought it would be ok again in a few years time!

So we have agreed that Ram doesn't have to go shopping or swimming, or out for any other reason for a while.

After all, it is better to have him happy and at home, than to be stressed but social!

Drink,

Like with hunger, Ram has difficulty with knowing when he is thirsty. Unless I am there to put water in front of him he won't drink. And I have to be crafty sometimes. For instance, as I am typing this I have realised that he hasn't had anything to drink all day, but if I ask him if he is thirsty he will say no. So I will now go and open a bottle of fizzy water in front of him, and I bet he will reach out for it!

..........

Yep! It worked! He just had half a glass of water, without batting an eyelid!

So I know how to get water into him, but it still takes a lot of effort on my part to remember to offer him water in the right way. I also have those 'bad mum' times when I realise that I have forgotten to water him!

He does get water in other ways, mainly through frozen apple juice lollies. We freeze pressed apple juice (the cloudy type) in dripcatchers and he have free access to them – when I remember to make them!

Luckily at Ursula's place they have ice lollies too. They have a different kind, but Ram manages to cope and we had a constant routine of making and serving up the lollies. It is a very good way of making sure they drink something and fruit juice is much better than what they put into commercial ice lollies. There were some red Tom and Jerry ones we once tried, and Ram ended up on the ceiling!

I have also bought some lovely new water bottles for when we are out and about. I bought them just before we left for York to visit our friends. Ram likes to have fizzy water and it isn't always available on the train, and the old plastic fizzy drink bottle was looking very tattered, and I understand that it isn't safe to keep reusing them. Luckily the new bottles came just before we left.

We were very pleased with them. And very grateful that we had them on the train. And while visiting York! They are very light, yet strong, and they keep the water fizzy too.

When Ram was little I was always taking a bag of food and drink along with the nappies but I had sort of got out of the habit of it. I think I need to get back into the habit of always taking water with us. We recently went shopping for Lego and I was very glad we took a bottle of water with us as the bakery where we were going to buy a treat and a drink had a long queue.

I also took some to the first home ed meeting after the summer break and Ram drank the whole 600ml! I realised that he hadn't been drinking the squash that they make up for the children, and only occasionally asking me for a glass of tap water. He was much more thirsty than I had thought!

The next meeting I took the bottle again, and again he drank the whole thing. Next time I will take both bottles and see if he drinks even more.

Still, I should be grateful. Hopefully his lack of interest in drink will keep him from becoming an alcoholic!

Eat

Eat

Ram and food are a bit like chalk and cheese; they don't get along, but I wouldn't put it past him to try the two together! Well, his favourite used to be Marmite and chocolate spread mixed together!

He does eat a fairly well balanced diet of foods close to their natural state, that is, not to much processed food, but he is limited in what he has.

Lately he has dropped a few things, but nothing have taken their place. So I was a bit worried about what he would eat while we were away, as well as being concerned that he is lacking in iron.

Luckily he managed to eat fairly well while we were at Ursula's house. Her two kids eat well, and will have the same things as the parents eat, and I always hope that Ram will take the hint, but he didn't. I thought we were going to have problems on the night we had fish, as it was smoked and it did smell more than his fish fingers, but he managed to stay in the same room as us!

He did try one new food. Hope made ice-cream! I have made ice-cream for him before but he has always refused it, so I was both surprised and pleased when he not only ate his own little pot of it, but managed to sneak a bit of mine too. Serves me right for chatting while eating!

So when we got home I had to order some cream from the milk man, and get the recipe from Ursula. I knew it was touch and go as to whether he would have mine at home. Luckily it went well and he loved it. I am sure that freezing it in little ramekins the way it was at Ursula's made all the difference. So now we will be having a regular order of cream!

I was still worried about his iron levels, as there isn't much he eats that contains iron and I know that when kids have a growth spurt they can get low on iron. He is pale and does run out of steam pretty fast these days. So when we were in the health food shop I got down to eye level with him (he was in the buggy) and explained that I had noticed that he was getting to be more like a vampire every day and that there was two things he could do about it. He could gnaw on an iron bar, or take some Floradix! He initially chose the iron bar of course, but after a discussion he decided that we should both take Floradix, and he chose the adult version rather than the orange flavoured on.

We have our first trial run that night at supper. He had the food ready, and a glass of water. He took the Floradix and I sat on the edge of my chair holding my breath. Slowly he put the little cup down. 'Not to bad' he said! I sighed in relief! But he does say that he has to wash it down with water and then eat something to take away the taste properly.

This is the first time I have been able to get him to take a supplement. Between that and the ice-cream, maybe he is finally learning to eat!

An Apology and The Play Park

I apologise to those of you who have been checking regularly for updates. Things were a bit hectic when we got back from visiting our friends. I always find that after spending a week with a choice of people to play with every day, Ram needs more hands on time with me.

In a way this is good because it has broken the pattern we had of being on the computer all day. We are now regularly playing the new card games we learned while away, reading aloud during the day and not just in bed at either end of the day, and my little vampire has discovered the great outdoors again with the help of a swing!

So what I have decided to do to catch up is to do a series of entries that are not based on a single day, but on a theme.

So the theme for this one is the play park in York.

In my last entry, August 20th, I told of how much Ram was looking forward to returning to the play park that he had been to a couple of years before, and how angry he became when we found that it was very crowded.

We didn't say anything to the children at the time because we didn't want to get their hopes up, only to be dashed by the weather, but we had made a note of the opening time of the park, and decided that if Monday was good weather we would go first thing.

Amazingly, Monday was good weather so we packed some drinks, and went off straight after breakfast. We got there 10 minutes before the play park was due to be open, but it was already open! However, as the schools had started by then, there was only a couple of people with very young children. The items that our older kids wanted to play on were free!

At first Ram didn't want to go on the round about that he so wanted to go on last time, but couldn't because there were too many people on it. However, he did relax and after a few minutes all three of them were having a good time!

By 11 o'clock more people were arriving, mostly with younger children, but never the less, it was starting to get busy. That is when the children decided they had had enough. It may only have been an hour's worth of play, but for them it was the best thing, and it was great that Ram will have a very positive memory of the play park.

When we next go to see our friends it will be January. I think the mums will have to take hot drinks, soup, and portable heater and a tent to keep themselves warm while the kids play!

Nearly a Disaster!

When I am at Ursula's house I get to stick to my same early morning routine; coffee and emails at 6!


But because the house is set up differently to ours we have to use the old baby monitors so that I can hear when Ram wakes up. I went to find them to turn them on and I couldn't! I knew that I had packed them and should have put them out the night before. I search the suitcase and the room but just couldn't see them!

So I ended up on the floor outside the bedroom with a laptop and a cup of coffee! Not a comfortable place to be! Why do they call them laptops when they don't work on your lap!

Luckily later in the day when we opened the curtains we found that the monitors were rapped up in the curtains and were there all along!

We nearly had another disaster when we went to a play park that Ram specially asked to go to. He had been there before and was really looking forward to it, but when we got there is was very crowded and he couldn't play on what he wanted to in the way he wanted to. We had our picnic and all the while Ram was in tears of rage saying how he wanted to kill people. We listened respectfully, and reflected back to him what he was saying ("yes, I can see that this situation is making you feel very angry") and when he had calmed down we were able to suggest that he climb a tree instead. He took this up and the three of them climbed a tree for a while, then we managed to rescue the trip by buying ice-creams!

There was a long walk back to the car where there were not so many people and the children all had a good time there, so even thought it was really disappointing and upsetting for Ram to not have the experience we were expecting, it did end on a positive note.

And all I can say is thank goodness we home educate and that the schools will be going back soon!

We Arrived!

We are finally at our friends house!

I had managed to pack everything yesterday, get up and do my usual email work, then pack some food for Ram, and went up to wake Ram. Just as I did that there was a knock on the door. It was the electrician that is supposed to be working with Dxh on the electrics over the next few days, that is Wednesday, Thursday and Friday! He got the day wrong!

Poor Ram was getting distressed as I dealt with this. But luckily his excitement was greater than his distress - today is the day he gets to see his best friend!

We took Arrow over to the farm where she spends her holidays. She is so used to this now that once we put her bed in the corner of their utility room she settles down and didn't even try to follow us home!

Then we had a leisurely hour to finish packing and have some breakfast. Dxh arrived to drive us to the station, and we got there in plenty of time. I know that one of the things that makes Ram's anxiety level go up is worrying about whether we will be late or not.

We sat in the waiting room for 30 minutes, which was fine with Ram. He had his earplugs in, and his red ear defenders on, all snuggled up in his buggy.

The station was very busy as there had been some festival on. The platform was full of young people with long hair and backpacks! We have assistance booked, but they said that it might be difficult as there was only one of them. I said that as long as he got the ramp up to the train I am sure it woudl be fine! I have big elbows and I knew that I could stop the train leaving until they got all our luggage on board for us!

But we needn't have worried. All these young people were really brilliant! One girl helped us to the right part of the plateform for our coach, then another chap took our luggage on board for us leaving me to wheel Ram up the ramp!

So much for all this idea that young people are all hoodies!

Once we were settled on the train Ram relaxed as much as he usually does. Being in First Class makes all the difference. They really pull out all the stops, and don't bat an eyelide at Ram sitting under the table instead of on his seat! But I do always explain straight away. The stewardess (is that what you call them?) came up to us immediately and asked if I would like a paper, then came back a few minutes later to offer drinks. I asked for coffee for myself and then added in a loud enough voice that Ram could hear, that my son who is autistic and is under the table has brought his own drink!

She smiled and said that she had wondered why it looked like I had three knees! She was wonderful about helping us and understood immediatly that Ram would prefer not to be spoken to. She was still polite, and popped her head down to wish him a good journey and assure him that she would get the kids activity pack for him, but with no expectation that he would respond!

So why is it that Virgin Rail and the staff at the train station can all meet the needs of my son and those like him, then the LAs, the NHS and other govenmental officials can't! Why is it that all we have to say to the private sector is that our children are autistic and they are extremely understanding and helpful, but government officials don't believe us and contstantly want us to prove it, and when we do, they still don't help us out!

There was a little hick-up at York station where we got off. This is where we really need help becuase I can't push the buggy and the luggage at the same time and there are elevators to use. There was a problem in getting us off becuase they didn't know we needed a ramp so the delay in getting the ramp out meant that the man doing assistance needed to go off to do another train before he could take us up to the car park. This distressed Banana a bit, and I don't blame her. These big stations are really very noisy and not a place to hang around!

But we got to the car eventually and the kids were all really pleased to see each other.

When we got to the house we started with a planning meeting so that all the children had a chance to express their views. It can be hard for kids with communication difficulties to express their views in a casual way, so we have found having a formal meeting where they all get a chance to think and talk helps. It was also nice to have a cup of tea and homemade teacakes and scones. Ram doesn't eat much on the train becuase of the stress so he tucked into his lunch.

After that the kids were off and it was time for the adults to catch up.

Splash!

We had problems getting our little vampire outside again today. The Dxh arrived at 10.30 and it was lovely and cool outside, especially under the umbrella on the patio although it was already hot in the sun. We tried to get Ram to put on shorts and a t-shirt but he refused. He just sat outside under the umbrella whining!

We tried to get him to bounce on the trampoline which is in the shade at this time of the day and he refused to do that. Finally we got him to put on some more appropriate clothes, but he was still unhappy, and spent some time sitting on my lap.

He said he wanted to have another sponge fight but didn't want to have it until after lunch so finally we said he could go and play on the computer until after lunch.

He did eat a bit of lunch with us, a single home-made bread roll with grated cheese in it and several carrots and a few olives. But then it was back onto the computer. Dxh went with him and we set up the Popcap game Venice for him to see if he could beat Ram (he didn't!).

I went up for my nap and when I got up I could hear the boys struggling to find the swim suits so that they could start the sponge fight. I left them to it for a while, but they really couldn't find them, It seems that they didn't think to look up in the utility room to the drying rack, where we always put them to dry after swimming!

They had a sponge fight and when Ram came in soaked I suggested that they get in the pool. For some reason they wouldn't without me so I had to go out and get in with them. As it is so cold in the pool we didn't want to go underwater, so we just walked around in circles with the rule that you could only splash someone if they splashed you first. Ram had his socks on his hands and was splashing Dxh so Dxh was splashing back. Occasionally I got splashed a bit so I splashed back too. Then Ram was really splashing Dxh hard so I said that was unfair and starting splashing Ram, thinking that he would then start splashing me.

He didn't. He got out of the pool in tears! He went and sat on the trampoline and wouldn't cheer up.

It didn't take me long to figure out that he felt that it was unfair that I had splashed him and he hadn't splashed me, and told Dxh out of earshot that for Ram to have closure on this he would need to 'get me back'. Dxh went out and had a chat with Ram and sure enough he felt that I hadn't been playing by the rules because he wasn't splashing me, and he wanted to.

So when I went outside I ignored the two wet sponges in Ram's hands until it was too late! A very thorough sponge fight ensued with all of us getting very wet! Ram was really happen again!

After that he was back in vampire mode and back inside. But at least he got some sun today!

When we went to bed we chatted about what had happened. He really thought that because he hadn't splashed me that I shouldn't have splashed him. I pointed out the rule again; you can't splash someone until they have splashed you. He thought about this and then said that no one would ever be able to splash then. I said that was right, until someone splashed then you could splash all you like. I had to tell him that the rule was for me too. When I splashed him, that gave him the ok to splash me. He really hadn't see it that way! He could only think of it from his own point of view! So I think we have that one sorted out now. I just hope that Monday will be another hot sunny day so that we can have another go at it when Dxh is here!

My Little Vampire

We had a better start to this morning because we didn't have any interruptions this time! We have finished The Science of Discworld and started a little book of stories by Terry Gillian that were put together as a freebie for a cereal company.

As soon as we got up though Ram was back onto the computer. He was playing Popcap games all day! Some of them are very educational so I don't mind from that point of view, but I would really like him to get outside a bit! Usually we spend all summer outdoors getting lots of nice vitamin D to last us the winter!

On of the games he was playing today was Bookworm Adventures. This is not only a spelling game, but it also involves Greek myths. Basically, the bookworm has to attack all these monsters with words to try and kill them. Each monster has information about it on the screen, written in an amusing way. You wouldn't pass a GCSE in Mythology, but it is great for reinforcing what we have already learned, and is useful as a starting point for getting into all those wonderful monsters of the Ancients.

The way the game works is you get a grid of 16 letters which you use to make words. The longer the word, the more power it has. Once you submit the word the bookworm goes over to the monster and bashes him according to how much power the word has. Then it is the monsters turn to bash the Bookworm. Each has a power bar and the loser is the one that runs out of power first.

In the afternoon the boys came to cut the grass. I usually take them out a glass of squash (or tea when the weather is normal English weather) about half way through. Ram was playing Bookworm Adventures and I was helping him, when I explained that it was time to take the boys a drink. I got up and went to prepare it, and Ram, on his own accord without me having to tell him, went out to tell the boys that their drink was ready!

While we were out there I suggested that Ram stay out and get some sun, but he went straight back inside. I stayed out for a few minutes to have a chat with them, and suddenly Ram came out in tears. He said that his word wasn't long enough because I wasn't there to help him and he had lost all his power in one go!

I quickly excused myself from the boys and went back inside, as I know that if I don't things only escalate and get worse very quickly. If he needs me, he needs me and me delaying things only makes his need to have me beside him stronger!

But it was too late and his heart had gone out of the game. So it was back to his new game bashing the Gnomes on the head! Oh well, more eye/hand coordination practice!

I am really beginning to think that Ram is a vampire. Not only would he not go outside today, but when he came out of the study for supper he even closed the patio doors which we normally leave open all summer!

But I did get a chance to get outside myself today. About the only things that have grown in the veggie patch this summer are the nasturtiums. I pick their seeds and buds and pickle them in vinegar to use through the winter as poor man's capers. I put them on pizzas and make tartar sauce out of them, as well as using them in things like fish or chicken pies. So I hulled a load of the plants from the veggie patch and sat in the sun and picked all the seeds off.

Then in the evening I had six pounds of plums to stone. I need to freeze them as I don't have the time or the sugar to turn them into jam at the moment, so I sat at the picnic table on my own with a glass of wine stoning plums. I wish that Ram would have come out and helped because the village was really quiet and it was funny watching the jackdaws rousting in the trees. It reminded me of the song 'There was 10 in the Bed' because every so often one would suddenly squawk and fly away, and then they would all fly up, wheel round the tree, then settle back down again until the next one squawked and flew off.

But Ram will find out about it anyway. When the Dxh comes tomorrow I shall tell him about it at lunch time and Ram will be there and will listen and learn. Purposive conversation can work both as a reinforcer of previously learned material, and as a way of introducing new things too!

Too Many Interruptions

As Ram has been so tired lately I let him sleep in this morning. I managed to do two loads of washing, make a loaf of bread, answer a load of emails and send off Skippy, our Renault Kangoo, to the garage for some major work, AND get dressed all before he woke up!

Once I was back in bed reading aloud to him (I usually don't get dressed until he does) I thought we would have a lovely day, but not so. The first interruption was someone knocking at the door. I was expecting the Veggie Box delivery so I thought it would be that, and jumped up straight away and ran downstairs, but it was only someone selling tea towels door to door. I explained that my son was disabled and I had to go back to him so I couldn't see his tea towels. I don't think he believed me as he gave me one of those 'looks'!

Ram wasn't very happy when I got back upstairs but we carried on reading. Until the phone rang! This time it was the garage. Skippy is in to have his cam belt seen to, and as they took it apart they found that the water pump was leaking. They had to explain that it might last six months but that they would have to do the cam again when they replaced the water pump and it was cam driven so it would mean double the expense in six months time, or just an extra £100 to do it now. I gave my permission for them to do it now.

All through the call Ram was shouting 'who is it'. He still doesn't get that I can't talk to business people at the same time as to him, so I had to ask the garage to wait while I explained to him that it was the garage and was important. He still didn't accept that and kept shouting. But when I put the phone down he wouldn't talk to me about it, just wanted me to carry on reading.

Then the one interruption that I was expecting came. The veggie box was finally deliver to the right place. I had to talk to the man to tell him that where they have been leaving it for the last four weeks was the incorrect place. Then he started talking about older dogs and their troubles! He was a lovely man, very chatty, but not what I wanted just then.

By the time I got upstairs to Ram he was in a state. He was crying and very angry. It was also getting late by then as he kept refusing to get up due to his anger. I read for another 30 minutes and he was finally calm enough to get up just after midday!

Never mind, he just had lunch instead of breakfast! He got straight onto the computer again. He is enjoying The Sims and I read out an email from a friend about what her daughters get up to with Sims, and he actually helped me reply back to them! Communication by proxy I call it!

This evening we watched Mock the Week and I am always amazed at how many news stories he has picked up. I sometimes try to fill in the background for some of the jokes and he gets that look in his eyes and says, 'Oh mum, I already know that!'

Afterwards I said he could play on the computer again until he finished what he was doing. I decided to play the Popcap game Venice. We really enjoy Popcap games and there is a lot of hidden educational stuff going on with them. Aside from the usual eye-hand coordination, they also help with tracking and focusing, and they often have other educational things going for them like the classical music in Insanaquariam, and spelling in Book Worm Adventures, just to name a few. They even have ones for typing practice! You can play them for free on line, or download them as a trial for one hour's worth of play, or pay a modest sum to buy them outright.

Anyway, I still had 30 minutes of play in Venice before I had to enter the code to carry on playing it, so I decided to use it up. Ram looked at what I was doing, and decided that he wanted to have a go, so he loaded up his free 60 minutes.

I wish he hadn't! Within a few minutes he was at the same level as I was! He was really very much better at it than I was, and even told me about some of the power-ups and techniques that I didn't know about!

I had told him that we could play until my free time ran out. When it did I was half way along level 11 and he had just started it. But I was on my last life and he hadn't lost any yet!

While we were getting ready for bed he said that he decided that he was going to carry on for the rest of his free time today to see how much further ahead of me he could get, before entering his code. He felt that was a fair completion as we would both have had the same time to play.

So he not only is he competitive, he has learned something else from Popcap games: how to be competitive and act fairly at the same time!

I Used My Dyson!

Today is respite day, but we were a little bit behind in getting dressed as we were enjoying the book about the Myths behind Harry Potter. It is far more simple than the science books that we have been reading, but very interesting never the less.

As soon as Dxh got here and we got dressed I went over to see MDF. She is recovering very well from her most recent stroke, and we had a nice chat and cup of coffee.

Back in time for lunch for my boys, who were having a great time on the computer! Apparently Ram has found some cheats for the Lego Racers computer game. I have never seen him so excited!

Mind you, some of that is the excitement that he is going to be seeing his best friend Banana next week. He says he is not feeling so unhappy at the moment because he is so excited about the trip North. I am dreading it because I know how stressed he gets on the train, but he seems to be blocking that out at the moment and just dwelling on being there.

After lunch I managed to convince the boys to go to the disabled play park. This enabled me to get the vacuum out, for the first time since...I can't remember! I think I have only vacuumed three times since our cleaner left us! There was so much dog hair on the rug by the sofa that you couldn't see what colour that rug was! Arrow seemed a bit disconcerted with the vacuum. I wonder if she has forgotten what it is, or was worried that the boys were gone, or maybe with her hearing loss she was hearing strange things from it.

But what ever, I managed to clean up both rugs (we have mainly wooden floors) and get the dust off of the new sofa with the lovely new sofa attachment (I love Dyson!) and then get all the sawdust off the floors as well. It looks like a new house!

I know that many people won't get how exciting it is to use a vacuum, but when you can't because of a child's disability, these little things suddenly become very exciting!

When they came back from the play park Ram started watching Raven but you could see that he was still very hyper. Dxh told me that there was another family there who had a young boy who was deaf, a 16 year old who was deaf and autistic and living in a care home, and the older boys carer from the care home.

This carer got talking to them, and told them about how he had been in a bike accident at age 15, was in a comma for months, but then made a complete recovery. Apparently Ram listen attentively and even interrupted politely to ask questions! Apparently the story went on for 15 minutes! It shows that Ram has learned the art of conversation, at least he has learned how to apply it when there is something that he is interested in!

Another episode of Heroes tonight. At the end they said there is an art game on the BBC website so we will have to had a go at that tomorrow.

From a Science Book to Myths

We finished The Science of Discworld this morning. It was a very thought provoking book, and it is certainly not the sort of science that I was taught in school! I was taught what they call 'lies-to-children' in the book. Why is it that people assume that just because a child is younger than an adult they can't understand the real world!

It was then off to swimming. Ram is more and more anxious every time we go. He thinks it is partly because we didn't go last week, but it is also because it was noisy in the changing rooms.

When we got into the pool area he needed to just sit on the sit for a while, and was making funny noises, just like the other disabled people that swim in this session, only none of them were there yet so he couldn't have been imitating them!

We finally got into the water and went into the routine. We always start out playing ball with the woggles, a game we call woll! We start gently and after a few minutes Ram is back to his old self.

After swimming we went to the shops. I had three things I needed to buy. I told Ram last night while we were getting ready for bed and asked him to help me remember them. He made up a story: Captain Hook was cleaning the boat while eating bread. Can you guess what it was we had to buy?

Some cup hooks for the new kitchen shelves, a dustpan (nice metal one that won't break!) and some yeast for the breadmaker!

Ram managed the little supermarket but only just. It was a good thing I only needed yeast there. He was ok in the ironmongers too, and seems much better now that we don't have to stop in the greengrocers anymore.

This afternoon he went back to The Sims. I think the main thing he is getting from this at the moment is reading practice. He has to read all the information about each item he buys and there are some difficult words in there.

This evening we watched The Beginner's Guide to the Cosmos, and had a good laugh at the VLT. At first I thought that they were BLT and thought it was a bacon, lettuce and tomato! But Ram informed me it stands for Very Large Telescope.

You would have thought that the BBC had arranged this series to run just now because we were reading The Science of Discworld! It is amazing how it has worked out. Or as Ram likes to say, it must be serendipity!

We started another book this evening. This one isn't a science of but it is a similar book. This one is The Magical Worlds of Harry Potter by David Colbert and not authorised by J.k. Rowling!

Instead of being about the science behind the book it is about the myths and magic. It looks like J.K. Rowling really did a lot of research. Some of it we are saying, 'Of course they were named after a Greek God!' and other bits are completely new!

I can see that this will lead onto some new things to learn about!

An Educational Day of Computer Games

Often people worry that if left to their own devices their children would play computer games all day.

Ram is one of those children! But just because he is playing computer games all day doesn't mean to say he isn't learning. In fact, setting aside anything he might have learned from playing The Sims today, he has also did the following:

1.Read more of The Science of Discworld and discussed it with me.
2.Ordered a birthday present for his Dad (won't say what it is incase Dxh is reading this!
3.Read a couple of newspaper articles.
4.Discussed the weather and Hurricane Dean
5.helped me eat a home-made Lemon Drizzle cake (refuse to help bake it!)
6.Watched Newsround after Raven.
7.Listened to The Funny Thing on Radio 4 which came from the Edinburgh Festival so we discussed that as well.
8.Watched Enemies of Reason by Richard Dawkins.


All this while playing The Sims all day!

I got The Sims for him because people say that it is good for Aspies to play as it helps them to understand relationships. Well, this Aspie is playing with a single character, and goes around setting the other people on fire! He says it is fun because you get to see The Grim Reaper!

I don't like it because the characters actually scream! But I know if I make too much fuss about it he will want to do it all the more, so I have just told him that I don't like it and I don't want to see it. When he sets people on fire I leave the room. It won't take long for him to give up doing that!

A Very Educational TV Day

After the computer all day yesterday we have television all day today! But just because we watched television all day doesn't mean to say that learning didn't take place.

We started by watching three things that we had recorded from the night before that were part of the Stephen Fry weekend. We watched Stephen Fry: 50 Not Out last night, then watched an episode of A Bit of Fry and Laurie, The Young Ones, and Blackadder Goes Forth. These three cover social studies, and history.

Then we watching two episodes from some time ago from Channel 4 about finding and keeping Au Pairs. This too would cover social studies, as well as psychology.

Then we started a drama about Turing and the Codebreakers but Ram didn't find that one interesting so we left it. We then went on to watching Shopping for England which was from the Edwardian series on BBC 4 from a few months ago. This was about the rise of the department store in England, especially Selfridge's, and the parallel rise of the middle classes. Definitely historical that one!

After that we went back to ancient history and watching Gladiator's Graveyard which was about how archaeology has explained the life of gladiators. By then it was time for the film Meteor which tied in nicely with The Science of Discworld. We had been reading only that morning about the K/T boundary and how a meteor may or may not have contributed to the extinction of dinosaurs, and it was interesting to see how a meteor might impact upon Earth today.

There was also some historical value in this film as it takes place during the Cold War era. In fact it is strange to think back to my childhood and remember how it was affected by the Cold War, and see the parallels today with the effect that climate change is having on people.

We then went back to recorded material and watched Silent Britain, which was about silent films in the UK which are often over looked by the American giants such as Chaplin and so on.

During this time I knew that I needed to stay close to Ram. He was very quiet and subdued. I decided to try out making Celtic Knotwork designs from a website recommended by someone on the He-special email list. But at one point even though Ram was sitting beside me, he felt that I still wasn't giving him enough attention. He was jealous of a Celtic knot!

Every time I tried to start drawing he would nudge my arm, so I put my work down for a while and he climbed on my knee and we carried on watching TV. After a while he seemed satisfied and he went off into his 'dog kennel' to watch TV and I went back to drawing knots.

Ram wasn't totally idle himself all day. He did spent some time making a Lego model based on a model of a dinosaur that he had.




(ignore the date on the photo. We have a camera that is living in the past!)

We ended the day by watching the second part of an interview with Stephan Fry, before going to bed and reading more of The Science of Discworld.

You would think that a whole day sitting watching TV would mean that without the exercise that everyone says children need, Ram would find it hard to go to sleep. But it is the opposite! He went to sleep quite easily this evening!

State of Mourning

After two days of no computer today was computer all day! But Ram does seem to be happier at the moment now that I have finished unpacking the kitchen. Actually, there is still one more box but don't tell him!

Today as Ram was in the study I was able to do some serious sorting out in preparation for getting the rest of the new book shelves up. The first lot has taken all the boxes of unspun wool and other craft items off the floor which will give us enough room to get things off the shelves, take down part of the old shelves, then fill them up again before going onto the next lot.

In my tidying up, I found a newspaper from a year ago. I had a quick read of it and found a really lovely sounding recipe for lemon drizzle cake. Ram loves the sourness of lemon and I am always disappointed with lemon cakes so I hope this one will be better.

I got a bit tearful this afternoon when someone sent some photos of their children who had taken part in musical. I was really excited for her and her children as she must be so proud of them, but I started thinking about how Ram would never be able to do that. In fact he looked over at the photos of the cast and said, 'Yuck, too many people!' and went back to what he was doing.

Sometimes we have to mourn for the children we don't have.

Trauma at the Hands of TEM

Today is respite day, but Ram woke early enough for us to get some reading in. The part of the book, (the Science of Discworld 1) that we are reading about global warming. It is great to read something that is based on Science rather than things written by the media, which always seems to have an agenda which isn't necessarily telling the truth, or the government, whose agenda definitely isn't about telling the truth!

It is sometimes hard to see the forest for the trees, and global warming is definitely one of those things that has to be viewed from a distance so that you can see how the Earth has evolved. We have had the world both hotter than it is now, and colder, and somehow humans taking the credit for the current climate change looks rather silly when put into the context of the millions of years that the Earth managed it without us!

This morning Dxh needed to discuss the renovation of the home automation system that runs the house, with an electrician. Perhaps I should say a bit about this system as it ties in with energy conservation. When we set out to convert this barn 14 years ago, we wanted to take advantage of modern technology to help conserve energy. At that time, that is what self-builders were talking about when it came to home automation. But what has happened is that the techno-junkies have hijacked the concept and home automation now seems to mean home cinemas, flat screen televisions in every room, networks of music and video transmission in every room, mood lighting and being able to ring up the house from the office to make sure that your electric cappuccino maker has a cup of coffee ready for you when you get home!

In our barn it means something very different. It is about saving energy, not using extra. So instead of mood lighting, we have lights that turn themselves off after a certain amount of time in rooms where people usually forget to turn them off, such as the downstairs cloakroom. We have the heating system running all year round so that the house is kept at a constant temperature in the background, on the basis that is it more energy efficient to keep a house at a reasonable temperature than to let it get very cold, and then have to reheat the whole thing. This works especially well with the solid stone walls and the underfloor heating. And we do have music in every room – we just have to carry the portable radio with us!

So, back to today. The arrangement was that Ram would stay upstairs with me while the Dxh and The Electrickery Man (TEM) did their stuff. There was never any question of them coming upstairs but never the less Ram became extremely agitated when he arrived. I was reading aloud to him, and he just sat there, with the colour drained out of him, rocking gently and saying 'baaaa' constantly. Eventually he had to climb into my lap!

After TEM left the house Ram took about 20 minutes to calm down. Eventually he did and was able to disengage from me and go back to playing with Dxh.

He was very hyper after that. He is often hyper when Dxh is here. Eventually Dxh got him outside and they did their usual mysterious game involving empty bottles and trampolines! Today was too cold for sponges!

While they were happily playing I managed a phone call to Ursula to discuss some of the arrangements for our trip up there. In particular the food situation. Ram has become more and more picky recently and if a trip is to go smoothly there needs to be something that he can eat. One particular problem is picnics. He doesn't eat sandwiches so we had to think of what he could have. Luckily he will eat a baguette with brie in it.

We watched TV this evening and it was nice to have Ram not even turn on his computer for the second day running! It also made getting to bed easier. It means that we get upstairs earlier so that I don't fall asleep in the middle of a chapter of our book!

Action From Yesterday's Talk

The talk we had last night must have been spot on because this morning after reading for a while and getting dressed, when I mentioned helping me carry down some boxes he said ok!

I went down to make his breakfast (the usual 'warm bread and mingmight'!) and I could hear some thumping going on. It went across the floor upstairs and then started down he stairs! I went over to check and there he was, standing halfway down the stairs, backwards, supporting a large carton!

He told me that he had found a good way of getting the box down the stairs without having to pick it up, as it was too big for him to pick up! That's my boy! Always able to solve a practical problem, but hopeless at remember to brush his teeth or go to the toilet!

He brought down a couple more cartons, then had some breakfast. Afterwards while I started unpacking he brought down the rest! But he really couldn't help put things on shelves, he just couldn't manage that bit.

He went off and wondered around aimlessly for a while, and then the post came with the DVD which happened to be Blackadder goes Forth!

This was just the chilling out device that Ram needed. I was able to carry on unpacking while he watched the complete series – twice!

Twice is all he needs to repeat all the best lines. But it also gave him a look at trench warfare and the futility of it all. I was able to tell him about his great-grandfather who lived through the trenches, and about some of the terrible things that went on. I always cry at the end of it, so that was another opportunity to explain about emotions and why some people feel them and how they feel them.

We finished the evening with Heroes again. He is really enjoying it, and it is leading to some interesting conversations. I can use them both to gage how much he is understanding, and also to exercise his imagination the 'what do you think will happen next week' type questions!

We Found the Problem!

Well, part of the problem I think. It is so hard to really get to the bottom of these things as there may be more than one thing in play, and just getting Ram to discuss things is difficult enough.

This evening we started the conversation a little earlier about what it upsetting him so much. Ram had had 24 hours to think about it. Because of his processing problems, sometimes it take that long or longer to be able to think about something and to find the words to describe it.

Ram finally told me that even through the carpenters are gone, because not everything is back in the kitchen there is still a problem. He is having to get used to the kitchen in the first place. Every time he comes into the kitchen he has to get used to it again, and because I keep slowly moving things in, it is different every time so he has to get used to it all over again!

So we discussed how we could work around this. I explained that I couldn't be with him during the day and also unpack the kitchen. After letting him think about this for a while I suggested that he help me. He said that he didn't know where things would go. I proffered that if he helped me put things on the shelves he would find out and maybe remember where they go!

Ram didn't think that he could cope with that, but he did think that he could carry some of the boxes downstairs for me while I put things on the shelves.

We also talked about puberty. Well, I talked about puberty and he listened! I explained that sometimes as you grow up it takes time for the hormones to catch up and stableise and that this can lead to people feeling moody sometimes. He took that all in, but didn't make any comment.

I won't dwell on that too much, as I know the thought of change in himself is a difficult for him to cope with as is change in the environment around him. But at least he knows what to expect!

I am really glad that we always read in bed before going to sleep. It means that he has time to relax after difficult talks such as this one. There is nothing like cuddling up close and listening to a heavy going science book talking about the origins of life on planet Earth!

Closer to the Problem

We had another difficult day for Ram. Nothing was happening,but it was clear he was stressed and unhappy.

He spent a lot of time on the computer but not all of it was wasted. He now had his own Lego page!


When we went up to bed, we went into the bathroom as usual. He has his strict routine, as set out on the wall chart, of going to the toilet, brushing his teeth, and then washing his hands. I find that this is always a good time to chat with him, In fact, because our family had family meetings in the bathroom when I was a child, I made sure that when I designed the barn rather than have lots of little en suite bathrooms, I put in one large family bathroom with a comfy chair in it. And it works a treat!

So this evening I told Ram that I had two questions for him. I wanted him to listen to both of them before he answered them. The first was, 'Are you happy at this point in time?' and the second was, 'Are you generally happy?'

I then asked him again singly. To the first he said yes, because he had just figured out a joke! But when I asked the second he went all quiet, and said he was too tired to answer.

I think we might be getting closer to what the problem is for Ram.

The Perseids

We saw them!

Ram didn't want to go outside again because he thought it was too cold, but as he was happy on his computer he was happy for me to go out.

I put a winter coat on and went out with a blanket and didn't see anything for about 15 minutes. Then I saw three big ones in a row! I couldn't help myself when I shouted 'Wow!'

It was truly amazing!

I ran in and got Ram and he must have been infected by my excitement as he agreed to put some warm clothes on and come out. He put on my big sheepskin slippers and a winter coat and I gave him the woollen blanket.

Of course we didn't see anything for a while, and then he thought he saw one, but then we saw another big one! There was no wonder if it was one or not, it was huge! After that he was excited about it and we stayed out for about another 20 minutes!

He developed his own way of counting them: small ones were worth ¼, larger ones ½ and the really good ones were one. He added them all up and got seven! Of course there were much more than that but that is how he counted them.

We were very luckily to see this many because it was only 11 o'clock. We have tried the last few years but the weather was always cloudy.
 
I am glad that he did see them because next time I suggest that we go out and see them he will believe me when I say they are worth seeing!

Interestingly, as we were going to bed we discussed how we used to go out at night with the big telescope and look at the planets. I remember seeing Jupiter and some of its moons, and Saturn and its rings. Ram saw them too, but he would have been around 4 at the time, but he doesn't remember at all!

It reminded me of a friend of mine who is an excellent pre-school teacher and a very wise women. She said that there wasn't much point of taking pre-school children off to museums and expensive trips to London, because they won't remember any of it. It is much better to wait until they are older so that they remember and appreciate it more.

I have no doubt that Ram will remember the Perseids now!

Family Meeting is a Success

We had our monthly family meeting today. These are really going well. It gives everyone a chance to say things. Today we discussed how many socks Ram can manage to put on, the new routines around the new sinks in the kitchen and utility room, (I can highly recommend having a separate sink for washing dishes from food preparation!) discussed our visit next month to our friends house and what Ram is worried about (people talking to him, noticing him, and people in general!) and then was the final announcement – we were going to have a day off from working on the kitchen and study!

Dxh wasn't too happy about this but I could see that Ram was really so very stressed, and Dxh as well, that I thought we needed it.

And I am glad we did! We had a lovely barbecue lunch, with Ram and Dxh having a sponge fight while I was cooking. Then after we finished eating we got out our good old Philips Science Encyclopaedia and looked up the periodic table. It is amazing how much more sense it makes in daylight! Then after my nap Ram and I got into our bathing suites and braved the pool.

It isn't a big pool, just 10 feet across, but because the weather has been so cold this summer we haven't been in much, and the water in it is cold too. We decided it was too cold to actually go down into the water so we walked around and around in circles for a while. Then when Ram wasn't looking I grabbed a sponge and threw it at him!

That of course lead to a great sponge fight! Sadly, somehow, Dxh had managed to 'forget' his swim trunks so he was in charge of Ram's little video camera.





We then had some fun editing the video and sending it to friends. So even on a hot summers day there are things to learn!

In the evening we watched Parallel Worlds – A User's Guide. It was a bit of fun and ties in nicely with the book we are reading at the moment, The Science of Discworld.

And more education, this time the Perseids! I had set up the garden chairs before hand, and when I was so tired that I could hardly keep my eyes open (about 10!) we went outside. I told Ram that it was cold and that he would need something on his feet, but he refused to put shoes on. We took our blankets out but before long he was too cold and went back in. Although he said I could stay out I could see him pacing back and forth inside, not knowing what to do, so I gave up.

I just hope that the weather is ok for tomorrow!