Nearly a Disaster!

When I am at Ursula's house I get to stick to my same early morning routine; coffee and emails at 6!


But because the house is set up differently to ours we have to use the old baby monitors so that I can hear when Ram wakes up. I went to find them to turn them on and I couldn't! I knew that I had packed them and should have put them out the night before. I search the suitcase and the room but just couldn't see them!

So I ended up on the floor outside the bedroom with a laptop and a cup of coffee! Not a comfortable place to be! Why do they call them laptops when they don't work on your lap!

Luckily later in the day when we opened the curtains we found that the monitors were rapped up in the curtains and were there all along!

We nearly had another disaster when we went to a play park that Ram specially asked to go to. He had been there before and was really looking forward to it, but when we got there is was very crowded and he couldn't play on what he wanted to in the way he wanted to. We had our picnic and all the while Ram was in tears of rage saying how he wanted to kill people. We listened respectfully, and reflected back to him what he was saying ("yes, I can see that this situation is making you feel very angry") and when he had calmed down we were able to suggest that he climb a tree instead. He took this up and the three of them climbed a tree for a while, then we managed to rescue the trip by buying ice-creams!

There was a long walk back to the car where there were not so many people and the children all had a good time there, so even thought it was really disappointing and upsetting for Ram to not have the experience we were expecting, it did end on a positive note.

And all I can say is thank goodness we home educate and that the schools will be going back soon!

We Arrived!

We are finally at our friends house!

I had managed to pack everything yesterday, get up and do my usual email work, then pack some food for Ram, and went up to wake Ram. Just as I did that there was a knock on the door. It was the electrician that is supposed to be working with Dxh on the electrics over the next few days, that is Wednesday, Thursday and Friday! He got the day wrong!

Poor Ram was getting distressed as I dealt with this. But luckily his excitement was greater than his distress - today is the day he gets to see his best friend!

We took Arrow over to the farm where she spends her holidays. She is so used to this now that once we put her bed in the corner of their utility room she settles down and didn't even try to follow us home!

Then we had a leisurely hour to finish packing and have some breakfast. Dxh arrived to drive us to the station, and we got there in plenty of time. I know that one of the things that makes Ram's anxiety level go up is worrying about whether we will be late or not.

We sat in the waiting room for 30 minutes, which was fine with Ram. He had his earplugs in, and his red ear defenders on, all snuggled up in his buggy.

The station was very busy as there had been some festival on. The platform was full of young people with long hair and backpacks! We have assistance booked, but they said that it might be difficult as there was only one of them. I said that as long as he got the ramp up to the train I am sure it woudl be fine! I have big elbows and I knew that I could stop the train leaving until they got all our luggage on board for us!

But we needn't have worried. All these young people were really brilliant! One girl helped us to the right part of the plateform for our coach, then another chap took our luggage on board for us leaving me to wheel Ram up the ramp!

So much for all this idea that young people are all hoodies!

Once we were settled on the train Ram relaxed as much as he usually does. Being in First Class makes all the difference. They really pull out all the stops, and don't bat an eyelide at Ram sitting under the table instead of on his seat! But I do always explain straight away. The stewardess (is that what you call them?) came up to us immediately and asked if I would like a paper, then came back a few minutes later to offer drinks. I asked for coffee for myself and then added in a loud enough voice that Ram could hear, that my son who is autistic and is under the table has brought his own drink!

She smiled and said that she had wondered why it looked like I had three knees! She was wonderful about helping us and understood immediatly that Ram would prefer not to be spoken to. She was still polite, and popped her head down to wish him a good journey and assure him that she would get the kids activity pack for him, but with no expectation that he would respond!

So why is it that Virgin Rail and the staff at the train station can all meet the needs of my son and those like him, then the LAs, the NHS and other govenmental officials can't! Why is it that all we have to say to the private sector is that our children are autistic and they are extremely understanding and helpful, but government officials don't believe us and contstantly want us to prove it, and when we do, they still don't help us out!

There was a little hick-up at York station where we got off. This is where we really need help becuase I can't push the buggy and the luggage at the same time and there are elevators to use. There was a problem in getting us off becuase they didn't know we needed a ramp so the delay in getting the ramp out meant that the man doing assistance needed to go off to do another train before he could take us up to the car park. This distressed Banana a bit, and I don't blame her. These big stations are really very noisy and not a place to hang around!

But we got to the car eventually and the kids were all really pleased to see each other.

When we got to the house we started with a planning meeting so that all the children had a chance to express their views. It can be hard for kids with communication difficulties to express their views in a casual way, so we have found having a formal meeting where they all get a chance to think and talk helps. It was also nice to have a cup of tea and homemade teacakes and scones. Ram doesn't eat much on the train becuase of the stress so he tucked into his lunch.

After that the kids were off and it was time for the adults to catch up.

Splash!

We had problems getting our little vampire outside again today. The Dxh arrived at 10.30 and it was lovely and cool outside, especially under the umbrella on the patio although it was already hot in the sun. We tried to get Ram to put on shorts and a t-shirt but he refused. He just sat outside under the umbrella whining!

We tried to get him to bounce on the trampoline which is in the shade at this time of the day and he refused to do that. Finally we got him to put on some more appropriate clothes, but he was still unhappy, and spent some time sitting on my lap.

He said he wanted to have another sponge fight but didn't want to have it until after lunch so finally we said he could go and play on the computer until after lunch.

He did eat a bit of lunch with us, a single home-made bread roll with grated cheese in it and several carrots and a few olives. But then it was back onto the computer. Dxh went with him and we set up the Popcap game Venice for him to see if he could beat Ram (he didn't!).

I went up for my nap and when I got up I could hear the boys struggling to find the swim suits so that they could start the sponge fight. I left them to it for a while, but they really couldn't find them, It seems that they didn't think to look up in the utility room to the drying rack, where we always put them to dry after swimming!

They had a sponge fight and when Ram came in soaked I suggested that they get in the pool. For some reason they wouldn't without me so I had to go out and get in with them. As it is so cold in the pool we didn't want to go underwater, so we just walked around in circles with the rule that you could only splash someone if they splashed you first. Ram had his socks on his hands and was splashing Dxh so Dxh was splashing back. Occasionally I got splashed a bit so I splashed back too. Then Ram was really splashing Dxh hard so I said that was unfair and starting splashing Ram, thinking that he would then start splashing me.

He didn't. He got out of the pool in tears! He went and sat on the trampoline and wouldn't cheer up.

It didn't take me long to figure out that he felt that it was unfair that I had splashed him and he hadn't splashed me, and told Dxh out of earshot that for Ram to have closure on this he would need to 'get me back'. Dxh went out and had a chat with Ram and sure enough he felt that I hadn't been playing by the rules because he wasn't splashing me, and he wanted to.

So when I went outside I ignored the two wet sponges in Ram's hands until it was too late! A very thorough sponge fight ensued with all of us getting very wet! Ram was really happen again!

After that he was back in vampire mode and back inside. But at least he got some sun today!

When we went to bed we chatted about what had happened. He really thought that because he hadn't splashed me that I shouldn't have splashed him. I pointed out the rule again; you can't splash someone until they have splashed you. He thought about this and then said that no one would ever be able to splash then. I said that was right, until someone splashed then you could splash all you like. I had to tell him that the rule was for me too. When I splashed him, that gave him the ok to splash me. He really hadn't see it that way! He could only think of it from his own point of view! So I think we have that one sorted out now. I just hope that Monday will be another hot sunny day so that we can have another go at it when Dxh is here!

My Little Vampire

We had a better start to this morning because we didn't have any interruptions this time! We have finished The Science of Discworld and started a little book of stories by Terry Gillian that were put together as a freebie for a cereal company.

As soon as we got up though Ram was back onto the computer. He was playing Popcap games all day! Some of them are very educational so I don't mind from that point of view, but I would really like him to get outside a bit! Usually we spend all summer outdoors getting lots of nice vitamin D to last us the winter!

On of the games he was playing today was Bookworm Adventures. This is not only a spelling game, but it also involves Greek myths. Basically, the bookworm has to attack all these monsters with words to try and kill them. Each monster has information about it on the screen, written in an amusing way. You wouldn't pass a GCSE in Mythology, but it is great for reinforcing what we have already learned, and is useful as a starting point for getting into all those wonderful monsters of the Ancients.

The way the game works is you get a grid of 16 letters which you use to make words. The longer the word, the more power it has. Once you submit the word the bookworm goes over to the monster and bashes him according to how much power the word has. Then it is the monsters turn to bash the Bookworm. Each has a power bar and the loser is the one that runs out of power first.

In the afternoon the boys came to cut the grass. I usually take them out a glass of squash (or tea when the weather is normal English weather) about half way through. Ram was playing Bookworm Adventures and I was helping him, when I explained that it was time to take the boys a drink. I got up and went to prepare it, and Ram, on his own accord without me having to tell him, went out to tell the boys that their drink was ready!

While we were out there I suggested that Ram stay out and get some sun, but he went straight back inside. I stayed out for a few minutes to have a chat with them, and suddenly Ram came out in tears. He said that his word wasn't long enough because I wasn't there to help him and he had lost all his power in one go!

I quickly excused myself from the boys and went back inside, as I know that if I don't things only escalate and get worse very quickly. If he needs me, he needs me and me delaying things only makes his need to have me beside him stronger!

But it was too late and his heart had gone out of the game. So it was back to his new game bashing the Gnomes on the head! Oh well, more eye/hand coordination practice!

I am really beginning to think that Ram is a vampire. Not only would he not go outside today, but when he came out of the study for supper he even closed the patio doors which we normally leave open all summer!

But I did get a chance to get outside myself today. About the only things that have grown in the veggie patch this summer are the nasturtiums. I pick their seeds and buds and pickle them in vinegar to use through the winter as poor man's capers. I put them on pizzas and make tartar sauce out of them, as well as using them in things like fish or chicken pies. So I hulled a load of the plants from the veggie patch and sat in the sun and picked all the seeds off.

Then in the evening I had six pounds of plums to stone. I need to freeze them as I don't have the time or the sugar to turn them into jam at the moment, so I sat at the picnic table on my own with a glass of wine stoning plums. I wish that Ram would have come out and helped because the village was really quiet and it was funny watching the jackdaws rousting in the trees. It reminded me of the song 'There was 10 in the Bed' because every so often one would suddenly squawk and fly away, and then they would all fly up, wheel round the tree, then settle back down again until the next one squawked and flew off.

But Ram will find out about it anyway. When the Dxh comes tomorrow I shall tell him about it at lunch time and Ram will be there and will listen and learn. Purposive conversation can work both as a reinforcer of previously learned material, and as a way of introducing new things too!

Too Many Interruptions

As Ram has been so tired lately I let him sleep in this morning. I managed to do two loads of washing, make a loaf of bread, answer a load of emails and send off Skippy, our Renault Kangoo, to the garage for some major work, AND get dressed all before he woke up!

Once I was back in bed reading aloud to him (I usually don't get dressed until he does) I thought we would have a lovely day, but not so. The first interruption was someone knocking at the door. I was expecting the Veggie Box delivery so I thought it would be that, and jumped up straight away and ran downstairs, but it was only someone selling tea towels door to door. I explained that my son was disabled and I had to go back to him so I couldn't see his tea towels. I don't think he believed me as he gave me one of those 'looks'!

Ram wasn't very happy when I got back upstairs but we carried on reading. Until the phone rang! This time it was the garage. Skippy is in to have his cam belt seen to, and as they took it apart they found that the water pump was leaking. They had to explain that it might last six months but that they would have to do the cam again when they replaced the water pump and it was cam driven so it would mean double the expense in six months time, or just an extra £100 to do it now. I gave my permission for them to do it now.

All through the call Ram was shouting 'who is it'. He still doesn't get that I can't talk to business people at the same time as to him, so I had to ask the garage to wait while I explained to him that it was the garage and was important. He still didn't accept that and kept shouting. But when I put the phone down he wouldn't talk to me about it, just wanted me to carry on reading.

Then the one interruption that I was expecting came. The veggie box was finally deliver to the right place. I had to talk to the man to tell him that where they have been leaving it for the last four weeks was the incorrect place. Then he started talking about older dogs and their troubles! He was a lovely man, very chatty, but not what I wanted just then.

By the time I got upstairs to Ram he was in a state. He was crying and very angry. It was also getting late by then as he kept refusing to get up due to his anger. I read for another 30 minutes and he was finally calm enough to get up just after midday!

Never mind, he just had lunch instead of breakfast! He got straight onto the computer again. He is enjoying The Sims and I read out an email from a friend about what her daughters get up to with Sims, and he actually helped me reply back to them! Communication by proxy I call it!

This evening we watched Mock the Week and I am always amazed at how many news stories he has picked up. I sometimes try to fill in the background for some of the jokes and he gets that look in his eyes and says, 'Oh mum, I already know that!'

Afterwards I said he could play on the computer again until he finished what he was doing. I decided to play the Popcap game Venice. We really enjoy Popcap games and there is a lot of hidden educational stuff going on with them. Aside from the usual eye-hand coordination, they also help with tracking and focusing, and they often have other educational things going for them like the classical music in Insanaquariam, and spelling in Book Worm Adventures, just to name a few. They even have ones for typing practice! You can play them for free on line, or download them as a trial for one hour's worth of play, or pay a modest sum to buy them outright.

Anyway, I still had 30 minutes of play in Venice before I had to enter the code to carry on playing it, so I decided to use it up. Ram looked at what I was doing, and decided that he wanted to have a go, so he loaded up his free 60 minutes.

I wish he hadn't! Within a few minutes he was at the same level as I was! He was really very much better at it than I was, and even told me about some of the power-ups and techniques that I didn't know about!

I had told him that we could play until my free time ran out. When it did I was half way along level 11 and he had just started it. But I was on my last life and he hadn't lost any yet!

While we were getting ready for bed he said that he decided that he was going to carry on for the rest of his free time today to see how much further ahead of me he could get, before entering his code. He felt that was a fair completion as we would both have had the same time to play.

So he not only is he competitive, he has learned something else from Popcap games: how to be competitive and act fairly at the same time!

I Used My Dyson!

Today is respite day, but we were a little bit behind in getting dressed as we were enjoying the book about the Myths behind Harry Potter. It is far more simple than the science books that we have been reading, but very interesting never the less.

As soon as Dxh got here and we got dressed I went over to see MDF. She is recovering very well from her most recent stroke, and we had a nice chat and cup of coffee.

Back in time for lunch for my boys, who were having a great time on the computer! Apparently Ram has found some cheats for the Lego Racers computer game. I have never seen him so excited!

Mind you, some of that is the excitement that he is going to be seeing his best friend Banana next week. He says he is not feeling so unhappy at the moment because he is so excited about the trip North. I am dreading it because I know how stressed he gets on the train, but he seems to be blocking that out at the moment and just dwelling on being there.

After lunch I managed to convince the boys to go to the disabled play park. This enabled me to get the vacuum out, for the first time since...I can't remember! I think I have only vacuumed three times since our cleaner left us! There was so much dog hair on the rug by the sofa that you couldn't see what colour that rug was! Arrow seemed a bit disconcerted with the vacuum. I wonder if she has forgotten what it is, or was worried that the boys were gone, or maybe with her hearing loss she was hearing strange things from it.

But what ever, I managed to clean up both rugs (we have mainly wooden floors) and get the dust off of the new sofa with the lovely new sofa attachment (I love Dyson!) and then get all the sawdust off the floors as well. It looks like a new house!

I know that many people won't get how exciting it is to use a vacuum, but when you can't because of a child's disability, these little things suddenly become very exciting!

When they came back from the play park Ram started watching Raven but you could see that he was still very hyper. Dxh told me that there was another family there who had a young boy who was deaf, a 16 year old who was deaf and autistic and living in a care home, and the older boys carer from the care home.

This carer got talking to them, and told them about how he had been in a bike accident at age 15, was in a comma for months, but then made a complete recovery. Apparently Ram listen attentively and even interrupted politely to ask questions! Apparently the story went on for 15 minutes! It shows that Ram has learned the art of conversation, at least he has learned how to apply it when there is something that he is interested in!

Another episode of Heroes tonight. At the end they said there is an art game on the BBC website so we will have to had a go at that tomorrow.

From a Science Book to Myths

We finished The Science of Discworld this morning. It was a very thought provoking book, and it is certainly not the sort of science that I was taught in school! I was taught what they call 'lies-to-children' in the book. Why is it that people assume that just because a child is younger than an adult they can't understand the real world!

It was then off to swimming. Ram is more and more anxious every time we go. He thinks it is partly because we didn't go last week, but it is also because it was noisy in the changing rooms.

When we got into the pool area he needed to just sit on the sit for a while, and was making funny noises, just like the other disabled people that swim in this session, only none of them were there yet so he couldn't have been imitating them!

We finally got into the water and went into the routine. We always start out playing ball with the woggles, a game we call woll! We start gently and after a few minutes Ram is back to his old self.

After swimming we went to the shops. I had three things I needed to buy. I told Ram last night while we were getting ready for bed and asked him to help me remember them. He made up a story: Captain Hook was cleaning the boat while eating bread. Can you guess what it was we had to buy?

Some cup hooks for the new kitchen shelves, a dustpan (nice metal one that won't break!) and some yeast for the breadmaker!

Ram managed the little supermarket but only just. It was a good thing I only needed yeast there. He was ok in the ironmongers too, and seems much better now that we don't have to stop in the greengrocers anymore.

This afternoon he went back to The Sims. I think the main thing he is getting from this at the moment is reading practice. He has to read all the information about each item he buys and there are some difficult words in there.

This evening we watched The Beginner's Guide to the Cosmos, and had a good laugh at the VLT. At first I thought that they were BLT and thought it was a bacon, lettuce and tomato! But Ram informed me it stands for Very Large Telescope.

You would have thought that the BBC had arranged this series to run just now because we were reading The Science of Discworld! It is amazing how it has worked out. Or as Ram likes to say, it must be serendipity!

We started another book this evening. This one isn't a science of but it is a similar book. This one is The Magical Worlds of Harry Potter by David Colbert and not authorised by J.k. Rowling!

Instead of being about the science behind the book it is about the myths and magic. It looks like J.K. Rowling really did a lot of research. Some of it we are saying, 'Of course they were named after a Greek God!' and other bits are completely new!

I can see that this will lead onto some new things to learn about!

An Educational Day of Computer Games

Often people worry that if left to their own devices their children would play computer games all day.

Ram is one of those children! But just because he is playing computer games all day doesn't mean to say he isn't learning. In fact, setting aside anything he might have learned from playing The Sims today, he has also did the following:

1.Read more of The Science of Discworld and discussed it with me.
2.Ordered a birthday present for his Dad (won't say what it is incase Dxh is reading this!
3.Read a couple of newspaper articles.
4.Discussed the weather and Hurricane Dean
5.helped me eat a home-made Lemon Drizzle cake (refuse to help bake it!)
6.Watched Newsround after Raven.
7.Listened to The Funny Thing on Radio 4 which came from the Edinburgh Festival so we discussed that as well.
8.Watched Enemies of Reason by Richard Dawkins.


All this while playing The Sims all day!

I got The Sims for him because people say that it is good for Aspies to play as it helps them to understand relationships. Well, this Aspie is playing with a single character, and goes around setting the other people on fire! He says it is fun because you get to see The Grim Reaper!

I don't like it because the characters actually scream! But I know if I make too much fuss about it he will want to do it all the more, so I have just told him that I don't like it and I don't want to see it. When he sets people on fire I leave the room. It won't take long for him to give up doing that!

A Very Educational TV Day

After the computer all day yesterday we have television all day today! But just because we watched television all day doesn't mean to say that learning didn't take place.

We started by watching three things that we had recorded from the night before that were part of the Stephen Fry weekend. We watched Stephen Fry: 50 Not Out last night, then watched an episode of A Bit of Fry and Laurie, The Young Ones, and Blackadder Goes Forth. These three cover social studies, and history.

Then we watching two episodes from some time ago from Channel 4 about finding and keeping Au Pairs. This too would cover social studies, as well as psychology.

Then we started a drama about Turing and the Codebreakers but Ram didn't find that one interesting so we left it. We then went on to watching Shopping for England which was from the Edwardian series on BBC 4 from a few months ago. This was about the rise of the department store in England, especially Selfridge's, and the parallel rise of the middle classes. Definitely historical that one!

After that we went back to ancient history and watching Gladiator's Graveyard which was about how archaeology has explained the life of gladiators. By then it was time for the film Meteor which tied in nicely with The Science of Discworld. We had been reading only that morning about the K/T boundary and how a meteor may or may not have contributed to the extinction of dinosaurs, and it was interesting to see how a meteor might impact upon Earth today.

There was also some historical value in this film as it takes place during the Cold War era. In fact it is strange to think back to my childhood and remember how it was affected by the Cold War, and see the parallels today with the effect that climate change is having on people.

We then went back to recorded material and watched Silent Britain, which was about silent films in the UK which are often over looked by the American giants such as Chaplin and so on.

During this time I knew that I needed to stay close to Ram. He was very quiet and subdued. I decided to try out making Celtic Knotwork designs from a website recommended by someone on the He-special email list. But at one point even though Ram was sitting beside me, he felt that I still wasn't giving him enough attention. He was jealous of a Celtic knot!

Every time I tried to start drawing he would nudge my arm, so I put my work down for a while and he climbed on my knee and we carried on watching TV. After a while he seemed satisfied and he went off into his 'dog kennel' to watch TV and I went back to drawing knots.

Ram wasn't totally idle himself all day. He did spent some time making a Lego model based on a model of a dinosaur that he had.




(ignore the date on the photo. We have a camera that is living in the past!)

We ended the day by watching the second part of an interview with Stephan Fry, before going to bed and reading more of The Science of Discworld.

You would think that a whole day sitting watching TV would mean that without the exercise that everyone says children need, Ram would find it hard to go to sleep. But it is the opposite! He went to sleep quite easily this evening!

State of Mourning

After two days of no computer today was computer all day! But Ram does seem to be happier at the moment now that I have finished unpacking the kitchen. Actually, there is still one more box but don't tell him!

Today as Ram was in the study I was able to do some serious sorting out in preparation for getting the rest of the new book shelves up. The first lot has taken all the boxes of unspun wool and other craft items off the floor which will give us enough room to get things off the shelves, take down part of the old shelves, then fill them up again before going onto the next lot.

In my tidying up, I found a newspaper from a year ago. I had a quick read of it and found a really lovely sounding recipe for lemon drizzle cake. Ram loves the sourness of lemon and I am always disappointed with lemon cakes so I hope this one will be better.

I got a bit tearful this afternoon when someone sent some photos of their children who had taken part in musical. I was really excited for her and her children as she must be so proud of them, but I started thinking about how Ram would never be able to do that. In fact he looked over at the photos of the cast and said, 'Yuck, too many people!' and went back to what he was doing.

Sometimes we have to mourn for the children we don't have.

Trauma at the Hands of TEM

Today is respite day, but Ram woke early enough for us to get some reading in. The part of the book, (the Science of Discworld 1) that we are reading about global warming. It is great to read something that is based on Science rather than things written by the media, which always seems to have an agenda which isn't necessarily telling the truth, or the government, whose agenda definitely isn't about telling the truth!

It is sometimes hard to see the forest for the trees, and global warming is definitely one of those things that has to be viewed from a distance so that you can see how the Earth has evolved. We have had the world both hotter than it is now, and colder, and somehow humans taking the credit for the current climate change looks rather silly when put into the context of the millions of years that the Earth managed it without us!

This morning Dxh needed to discuss the renovation of the home automation system that runs the house, with an electrician. Perhaps I should say a bit about this system as it ties in with energy conservation. When we set out to convert this barn 14 years ago, we wanted to take advantage of modern technology to help conserve energy. At that time, that is what self-builders were talking about when it came to home automation. But what has happened is that the techno-junkies have hijacked the concept and home automation now seems to mean home cinemas, flat screen televisions in every room, networks of music and video transmission in every room, mood lighting and being able to ring up the house from the office to make sure that your electric cappuccino maker has a cup of coffee ready for you when you get home!

In our barn it means something very different. It is about saving energy, not using extra. So instead of mood lighting, we have lights that turn themselves off after a certain amount of time in rooms where people usually forget to turn them off, such as the downstairs cloakroom. We have the heating system running all year round so that the house is kept at a constant temperature in the background, on the basis that is it more energy efficient to keep a house at a reasonable temperature than to let it get very cold, and then have to reheat the whole thing. This works especially well with the solid stone walls and the underfloor heating. And we do have music in every room – we just have to carry the portable radio with us!

So, back to today. The arrangement was that Ram would stay upstairs with me while the Dxh and The Electrickery Man (TEM) did their stuff. There was never any question of them coming upstairs but never the less Ram became extremely agitated when he arrived. I was reading aloud to him, and he just sat there, with the colour drained out of him, rocking gently and saying 'baaaa' constantly. Eventually he had to climb into my lap!

After TEM left the house Ram took about 20 minutes to calm down. Eventually he did and was able to disengage from me and go back to playing with Dxh.

He was very hyper after that. He is often hyper when Dxh is here. Eventually Dxh got him outside and they did their usual mysterious game involving empty bottles and trampolines! Today was too cold for sponges!

While they were happily playing I managed a phone call to Ursula to discuss some of the arrangements for our trip up there. In particular the food situation. Ram has become more and more picky recently and if a trip is to go smoothly there needs to be something that he can eat. One particular problem is picnics. He doesn't eat sandwiches so we had to think of what he could have. Luckily he will eat a baguette with brie in it.

We watched TV this evening and it was nice to have Ram not even turn on his computer for the second day running! It also made getting to bed easier. It means that we get upstairs earlier so that I don't fall asleep in the middle of a chapter of our book!

Action From Yesterday's Talk

The talk we had last night must have been spot on because this morning after reading for a while and getting dressed, when I mentioned helping me carry down some boxes he said ok!

I went down to make his breakfast (the usual 'warm bread and mingmight'!) and I could hear some thumping going on. It went across the floor upstairs and then started down he stairs! I went over to check and there he was, standing halfway down the stairs, backwards, supporting a large carton!

He told me that he had found a good way of getting the box down the stairs without having to pick it up, as it was too big for him to pick up! That's my boy! Always able to solve a practical problem, but hopeless at remember to brush his teeth or go to the toilet!

He brought down a couple more cartons, then had some breakfast. Afterwards while I started unpacking he brought down the rest! But he really couldn't help put things on shelves, he just couldn't manage that bit.

He went off and wondered around aimlessly for a while, and then the post came with the DVD which happened to be Blackadder goes Forth!

This was just the chilling out device that Ram needed. I was able to carry on unpacking while he watched the complete series – twice!

Twice is all he needs to repeat all the best lines. But it also gave him a look at trench warfare and the futility of it all. I was able to tell him about his great-grandfather who lived through the trenches, and about some of the terrible things that went on. I always cry at the end of it, so that was another opportunity to explain about emotions and why some people feel them and how they feel them.

We finished the evening with Heroes again. He is really enjoying it, and it is leading to some interesting conversations. I can use them both to gage how much he is understanding, and also to exercise his imagination the 'what do you think will happen next week' type questions!

We Found the Problem!

Well, part of the problem I think. It is so hard to really get to the bottom of these things as there may be more than one thing in play, and just getting Ram to discuss things is difficult enough.

This evening we started the conversation a little earlier about what it upsetting him so much. Ram had had 24 hours to think about it. Because of his processing problems, sometimes it take that long or longer to be able to think about something and to find the words to describe it.

Ram finally told me that even through the carpenters are gone, because not everything is back in the kitchen there is still a problem. He is having to get used to the kitchen in the first place. Every time he comes into the kitchen he has to get used to it again, and because I keep slowly moving things in, it is different every time so he has to get used to it all over again!

So we discussed how we could work around this. I explained that I couldn't be with him during the day and also unpack the kitchen. After letting him think about this for a while I suggested that he help me. He said that he didn't know where things would go. I proffered that if he helped me put things on the shelves he would find out and maybe remember where they go!

Ram didn't think that he could cope with that, but he did think that he could carry some of the boxes downstairs for me while I put things on the shelves.

We also talked about puberty. Well, I talked about puberty and he listened! I explained that sometimes as you grow up it takes time for the hormones to catch up and stableise and that this can lead to people feeling moody sometimes. He took that all in, but didn't make any comment.

I won't dwell on that too much, as I know the thought of change in himself is a difficult for him to cope with as is change in the environment around him. But at least he knows what to expect!

I am really glad that we always read in bed before going to sleep. It means that he has time to relax after difficult talks such as this one. There is nothing like cuddling up close and listening to a heavy going science book talking about the origins of life on planet Earth!

Closer to the Problem

We had another difficult day for Ram. Nothing was happening,but it was clear he was stressed and unhappy.

He spent a lot of time on the computer but not all of it was wasted. He now had his own Lego page!


When we went up to bed, we went into the bathroom as usual. He has his strict routine, as set out on the wall chart, of going to the toilet, brushing his teeth, and then washing his hands. I find that this is always a good time to chat with him, In fact, because our family had family meetings in the bathroom when I was a child, I made sure that when I designed the barn rather than have lots of little en suite bathrooms, I put in one large family bathroom with a comfy chair in it. And it works a treat!

So this evening I told Ram that I had two questions for him. I wanted him to listen to both of them before he answered them. The first was, 'Are you happy at this point in time?' and the second was, 'Are you generally happy?'

I then asked him again singly. To the first he said yes, because he had just figured out a joke! But when I asked the second he went all quiet, and said he was too tired to answer.

I think we might be getting closer to what the problem is for Ram.

The Perseids

We saw them!

Ram didn't want to go outside again because he thought it was too cold, but as he was happy on his computer he was happy for me to go out.

I put a winter coat on and went out with a blanket and didn't see anything for about 15 minutes. Then I saw three big ones in a row! I couldn't help myself when I shouted 'Wow!'

It was truly amazing!

I ran in and got Ram and he must have been infected by my excitement as he agreed to put some warm clothes on and come out. He put on my big sheepskin slippers and a winter coat and I gave him the woollen blanket.

Of course we didn't see anything for a while, and then he thought he saw one, but then we saw another big one! There was no wonder if it was one or not, it was huge! After that he was excited about it and we stayed out for about another 20 minutes!

He developed his own way of counting them: small ones were worth ¼, larger ones ½ and the really good ones were one. He added them all up and got seven! Of course there were much more than that but that is how he counted them.

We were very luckily to see this many because it was only 11 o'clock. We have tried the last few years but the weather was always cloudy.
 
I am glad that he did see them because next time I suggest that we go out and see them he will believe me when I say they are worth seeing!

Interestingly, as we were going to bed we discussed how we used to go out at night with the big telescope and look at the planets. I remember seeing Jupiter and some of its moons, and Saturn and its rings. Ram saw them too, but he would have been around 4 at the time, but he doesn't remember at all!

It reminded me of a friend of mine who is an excellent pre-school teacher and a very wise women. She said that there wasn't much point of taking pre-school children off to museums and expensive trips to London, because they won't remember any of it. It is much better to wait until they are older so that they remember and appreciate it more.

I have no doubt that Ram will remember the Perseids now!

Family Meeting is a Success

We had our monthly family meeting today. These are really going well. It gives everyone a chance to say things. Today we discussed how many socks Ram can manage to put on, the new routines around the new sinks in the kitchen and utility room, (I can highly recommend having a separate sink for washing dishes from food preparation!) discussed our visit next month to our friends house and what Ram is worried about (people talking to him, noticing him, and people in general!) and then was the final announcement – we were going to have a day off from working on the kitchen and study!

Dxh wasn't too happy about this but I could see that Ram was really so very stressed, and Dxh as well, that I thought we needed it.

And I am glad we did! We had a lovely barbecue lunch, with Ram and Dxh having a sponge fight while I was cooking. Then after we finished eating we got out our good old Philips Science Encyclopaedia and looked up the periodic table. It is amazing how much more sense it makes in daylight! Then after my nap Ram and I got into our bathing suites and braved the pool.

It isn't a big pool, just 10 feet across, but because the weather has been so cold this summer we haven't been in much, and the water in it is cold too. We decided it was too cold to actually go down into the water so we walked around and around in circles for a while. Then when Ram wasn't looking I grabbed a sponge and threw it at him!

That of course lead to a great sponge fight! Sadly, somehow, Dxh had managed to 'forget' his swim trunks so he was in charge of Ram's little video camera.





We then had some fun editing the video and sending it to friends. So even on a hot summers day there are things to learn!

In the evening we watched Parallel Worlds – A User's Guide. It was a bit of fun and ties in nicely with the book we are reading at the moment, The Science of Discworld.

And more education, this time the Perseids! I had set up the garden chairs before hand, and when I was so tired that I could hardly keep my eyes open (about 10!) we went outside. I told Ram that it was cold and that he would need something on his feet, but he refused to put shoes on. We took our blankets out but before long he was too cold and went back in. Although he said I could stay out I could see him pacing back and forth inside, not knowing what to do, so I gave up.

I just hope that the weather is ok for tomorrow!

Long Chains

Ram was definitely delicate this morning. Even though he was able to watch our usual Thursday night comedy slot on BBC 2, he still couldn't get to sleep very well.

In fact he was so stressed that when Willow rang to see if Woody could come up Ram actually burst into tears and said no! I don't think he has ever said no to Woody dropping in. I knew it was probably the last time that they would see each other this summer as Woody was going to his grandparents for two weeks, but I couldn't tell Ram that because I knew it would put too much pressure on him.

It did show me just how stressed Ram has become. This needs some serious thought.

One good thing we did do this morning is start our next book which is The Science of Discworld. It is written by both Terry Pratchett and a couple of serious science writers. It is set up in a really fun way. One chapter is about the wizards on Discworld who are running an experiment in creating a new world which happens to be Round World, and the next chapter is about the science of our round world, and it alternates like that throughout the whole book.

I like the 'science of' books because they don't appear to be too educational, and yet you can learn an awful lot out of them. We have read a couple by Roger Highfield, The Science of Christmas and The Science of Harry Potter. We have also read Sophie's World which is a similar set up except it is a novel in which a philosopher teaches a girl about philosophy.

Enid Blyton, who was an educationalist first before becoming the author of some much children's fiction, must have known that this technique was a good one for teaching children without appearing to. She wrote several nature books in this style. One was about three children make friends with an old retired naturalist who takes them on two nature walks a month, describing to the children what they see. So from the point of view of Ram it is a work of fiction, but at the same time he learns by proxy the same things that the children in the story learn.

I am going to be learning a lot here too. It is a book aimed at adults, and is heavy going in places, but Ram seems to take it all in, and while I am reading to him in bed he is visibly calm and less stressed than when he is up.

Post script:

Last night after we turned the lights out, Ram started asking me about long chain hydrocarbons. I did do organic chemistry at university level, but that was 25 years ago and I haven't done anything since so I am a bit rusty. But not only that, we were both half asleep! So I was talking, and drifting close enough to sleep that I kept getting the valances of carbon and oxygen mixed up, and Ram was drifting close enough to sleep that he was mixing up what I was saying.

In the end as I was going to sleep, I heard him say, 'You can stop talking now mum. Oh, you already have!'

A Very Unhappy Ram

Respite day today, and a busy one at that! We finished The Last Hero this morning, which was good timing because we have been handing the books onto Dxh to read too. It is a shame that he doesn't live here because he could listen to me reading aloud too!

It was one of those days where I didn't seem to get much done, and Ram just got more stressed. They played upstairs with the new Lego quite a bit. I believe that they play with dice just like Dxh would have done as a child with his toy soldiers. Ram has marked out what I do with him, which is read, and what Dad does, which is play some sort of game outside, and the Lego war games. I used to feel a bit left out and want to know how to play so I could carry on with Ram when Dxh left, but I now know that often Aspies make these distinctions.

This can make withdrawing a child from school difficult sometimes, because the child sees the mother as a mother, not a teacher. But the best way round this is to home educate autonomously and in an unstructured manner. That way there is no difference between education and life, it just goes on all the time. I think because I have home educated Ram from birth and he has never gone to school, that is something we don't have a problem with, but he still has things that only I can do, and only Dad can do.

In the afternoon I was trying to put up some of the new shelves in the study. They are the Ivar range from Ikea. I found out that another home educator has been using this range for around 20 years, which makes me feel very good about choosing this range! Dxh kept wanting to help, but I could see that Ram was getting more and more stressed, so I had to say no thank you. But then I got into trouble and needed an extra two pairs of hands!

It needed two people to get the second set of shelves attached to the first. The we had a bit of a collapse! Luckily no one was hurt. We then realised that they needed to be closer to the corner of the wall for stability, which meant moving the two stacks over by about a foot, negotiating the zone valves for the underfloor heating that were sticking out of the floor. We managed to start to move it, but then it got stuck because there was still a carton on the floor. I had thought it would have fitted into the three foot gap between uprights but it didn't!

We luckily had our 'rescue ferret' on hand! This is what Dxh calls Ram when he has to crawl into a small space to retrieve something that is lost. I think it helped Ram to feel better because we weren't just making a little job for him to do, but we really needed him!

Afterwards I sent them back up to play Lego. Later Ram wanted to come downstairs, but just then the plumber arrived to plumb in the last sink. Ram saw him and panicked and ran back upstairs. Poor boy. It took a bit of reassurance to get him back downstairs after the plumber left.

We then had to have an early supper because it was the annual evening at the local adventure playground for our local autism support group. Ram was really confused because Dxh stayed on to do some work on the wiring of the house, in preparation for renewing the home automation system.

What with plumbers coming late and unexpectedly in the day, Dxh still around, and Ram being generally stressed, we were late getting there. We arrived just before 7 and it closed at 8!

I would have liked to say that Ram enjoyed it, and he did somewhat, but I ended up talking to several people about home education, and he hated me talking to people. He tolerated the first person because I had actually arranged to talk to her and he knew I was going to do it. But then as I was chatting to another mum while I kids were waiting in the queue for the zip line, she just happened to say that she was having so much trouble at his school that she was thinking about home education! And then a third person came up to us. She already home educates but wanted to introduce herself because we already knew each other from the emails lists! The more I talked the more stressed Ram became.

All too soon it was time to go, and Ram was in tears. He felt we hadn't been there long enough, which was true because we were so late, but there was nothing I could do.

All the way home in the car he was talking about how everything was stupid and all people were stupid and he hated everything. I know that this is the equivalent of the toddler tantrum, so I just quietly let it run its course. But it is worrying. Ram seems to be getting deeper and deeper into the stress and is becoming more and more unhappy.

More Sheep in the House

We started with reading The Last Hero again, and stayed in bed longer than usual as the book is so interesting. I really must try to find a book about de Vinci, especially one with the drawings. I bought a book about Escher from Bibliophile and just left it lying around until Ram found it. He loves it and often spends time looking through it, and will then come running up to us to point out something that he has noticed for the first time.

I guess I have a soft spot for Escher myself, as a family I worked for when I was a Nanny had an original Escher. They also had a couple of Hockney's. Interestingly, they weren't particularly wealthy, just happened to be in the right place at the right time to buy these paintings and etchings. I used to love to just stand and look at them, but of course I now know that I am a visual learner.

I think Ram is too, but I have never managed to get him to a gallery. We would only be able to manage it if it was a private showing with only us in it! But he does like looking at art books, and that I can supply him with. It makes me realise that those kids who hate going to galleries or looking at art books probably aren't visual learners and don't get anything out of it.

We watched some TV that we needed to catch up with. We have a duel tuner hard disk recorder, with a lot of space, but it is totally full! We made the mistake of just recording things to it at first, regardless as to whether we wanted to save them for ever or not. So now there are a lot of things on there that we want to 'save to tape' so we can keep them forever. Ram really does go back and watch old episodes of Horizon!

I managed to get Ram to come back to reading this afternoon, which was good. I think we are starting to break the computer obsession now – I hope! And this evening we managed to eat outside! It was lovely and warm - one of the first time this summer! We like to sit out there with the radio so that we can listen to 'the funny thing' on Radio 4.

This evening Ram did go on the computer but we stopped to watch Heroes. Ram is really enjoying it, along with the programme afterwards about how Heroes is made.

We then went up to bed with his new sheep! Not a real one of course! Ram has always slept on a sheepskin. When he got too big for his baby one, we bought an adult size one. But they are made from shorn sheep so it isn't soft wool against the skin. Ram won't wear pyjamas or anything else on his body at night, and hasn't done since he was two. Back then all he would wear was his nappy.

When we went to the country show last month, we came across a stall selling sheep wool products and they had a child size skin that was very very soft. So we thought about what to do and I decided that I could buy two and sew them together. They were £50 each, but that is what DLA is for!

They arrived today, and I aired them out for most of the day. I was worried that Ram might not like the smell. I needn't have! He climbed into bed, snuggled down, and said that he thought he had died and gone to heaven!

He then quickly added that he didn't really mean that!

I just hope it does help him get to sleep as he has been having real problems over the past month.

My Budding Engineer

Today was disabled swimming session day. For some reason Ram was very stressed when we got there. I really don't know why. He sat at the side of the pool for some time before I was able to get him in, and even then he was clingy and whining.

Eventually I was able to get him to laugh and he was better, but not his usual self. I think it may be all the build up of stress having the carpenters here for the kitchen over the last two weeks. Even when he was more relaxed he still couldn't cope with me talking to other people, although he doesn't see to mind me talking with some of the disabled people who don't make a lot of sense! I guess he doesn't feel threatened by them. But I still can't talk more than a couple of minutes.

Afterwards we went for our usual shop with Ram in his buggy. He must really look something with his dark glasses, and his hat over his eyes! I will have to get someone to take a photo of us!

Now that we are getting our vegetables delivered by a box scheme, we don't have to go into the greengrocer and Ram was much happier for that. We bought a bun from the bakery and sat in the sun and ate it.

When we got back home there was a big parcel on the door step. Ram was all excited because he thought that it might be the Lego he ordered, and was disappointed to find that it was a new slow cooker.

Ram will only eat ham, fried like bacon, hence the name hambacon. It is much cheaper to buy a gammon and cook and slice it myself. I had a wonderful proper slow cooker of my mother-in-laws which finally gave up the ghost. It must be about 30 years old so it has done well. I found it was brilliant at cooking the gammon, as well as the dog food we make, so I bought another one. Sadly they don't make them like they used to, so it was a compromise. And it wasn't Lego!

But then, imagine Ram's delight when the Parcel Force man came in the afternoon! Yes, it was the Lego!

He immediately set to work making it all up.






I know that Ram spends a lot of time playing with Lego, but there is another way of looking at it: he is honing his engineering skills!

Life After Harry Potter

We are going through a sort of manic mourning here now that Harry Potter is over. We still had some questions to be answered, not necessarily only about the last book but Ram had some questions about some earlier books too, and we found the Wikipedia pages for Harry Potter really good. We even watched an interview with her on the Internet.

But just because Harry Potter is over,doesn't mean to say that we are not reading together. We started The Last Hero by Terry Pratchett this morning. If anyone is thinking of buying this book, do try to get the hardback as it is an illustrated novel and the illustrations are brilliant and the larger format of hardback really does them justice.

It is interesting to see what they think the characters look like, and comparing it to what we think they should look like. This book's motifs include Leonardo di Vinci and the drawings of Paul Kidby really do that justice. Another motif is the space shuttle programme, which tied in nicely with the current flight of the shuttle, and Apollo 13. So once again we have used a novel to introduce other learning into the mix.

While I was having my power nap Ram started watching the DVD rental which is Blackadder 2. He loved it, probably because his dad and I often quote things from it. My favourite is when Nursie says that the only decision Queenie ever had to make was right breasty dumpling or left breasty dumpling. I used those very words on Ram on his first night of life!

As usual he got stuck watching the DVD and ended up watching the entire series through twice. But again I was able to do a few things around the house.

We listened to the 'funny thing' on Radio 4 during supper as usual. Ram does really enjoy listening to them. At the moment on Monday's it is Just a Minute, and 'hesitation, repetition and deviation' are finding their way into our everyday language.

We finished the day with more of The Last Hero. It is hard to read this book anywhere else other than cuddled up in bed together so that we can both see the illustrations. Well, cuddled up in bed at any time is always great!

Finished Harry Potter and the Dealthy Hallows

Need I say more?

We have spent the entire day reading Harry Potter – until 4 in the afternoon when my voice finally gave out!

Ram is now watching an old Horizon programme about how to commit the perfect murder. Very appropriate!

Ram even wanted to go to bed early so that we could read more!

A Visit With Woody

More Harry Potter today. Ram is finally getting into it and wanted to carry on with reading it rather than play on the computer! I am really glad because I want to see how it ends!

We were supposed to go down to Ram's friend Woody (they have a wood next to their house!) this morning, but they were not sure when we could come because they also had to pick up Woody's sister Pony Girl (guess what she is into!) from a sleep over.

So we had to wait for a phone call to tell us that they were home. It came later than we were expecting so I jumped up and said, 'Time to go to Woody's' and started to get ready. Ram got his shoes on and we jumped in the car.

As we were driving down the road I noticed Ram was a bit quiet, so I looked over at him. He was as pale as a new shorn lamb! I then realised that I had moved to fast for him and he was in a panic!

When we got to the house I had to explain to Woody's mum that I had misjudged the speed at which Ram could cope with the transition. I had assumed that he would be ok with that sudden movement, because he was expecting to go, just didn't know when, but I was wrong. Luckily he was ok after a few minutes, and was eager to play on the Wii with Woody.

I followed Willow, Woody's mum, into the utility room, and on the way back to the kitchen for a cup of tea I noticed Woody in the sitting room on his own and no sign of Ram! I asked where Ram was and he didn't know, then we heard this little voice from upstairs!

Ram had assumed that the Wii was upstairs because that is where it is in his other friend's house, and he hadn't noticed Woody going into the sitting room!

We finally got them sorted out and they settled in for a good game while the mums had a welcome cup of tea.

The rest of the time today was spent reading guess what – Harry Potter!

I had hoped that today we could get on with reading Harry Potter and we did manage two chapters in bed this morning, but once out of bed Ram was back on the computer again.

I think that he took comfort in the computer while the carpenters were here, and still hasn't relaxed enough to do other things. Not only that I think he is still really stressed about the whole thing.

But it has given me time to catch up on my own paperwork. I have been working so hard on the DfES consultation on home education guidelines that I have neglected some of my own work. I also put away all the information I had printed off. I was amazed at how much paper I went through!

Luckily I didn't fine any overdue unpaid bills lurking anywhere, I have managed to pay them all on time!